SRS Your opinion on a "friend" of mine.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by kingtoad, May 16, 2007.

  1. kingtoad

    kingtoad OT Supporter

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    I became friends with this dude when I moved out here (South Bay) a couple years ago. He always seemed like a fun/cool guy to hang out with, and he is. But lately, I'm starting to realize that this dude is just an asshole and I'm beginning to question whether or not I want to talk to this guy anymore.

    I started realizing this about a week ago regarding a conversation I had with him. After that conversation, everything started falling into place. The conversation was about attending a going away party. I'm not much of a party-goer due to anxiety I get around crowds and people. It's not a pretty feeling and it's really not worth the trouble. Any how, he told me that the whole reason why I'm not going is because I don't want to, which is true, because of my social anxiety around crowds of people. He then told me that if anybody asked where I was (Which would happen) he would tell them "He didn't want to come". I told him being that he's a good friend that he should cover for me and tell them that I was busy or had to be somewhere else at the time. He said a friend wouldn't ask him to lie, and it really wasn't about covering for his friends, but it was about being honest with himself and knowing he can sleep better at night if he told the truth. I told him that if he told people I didn't want to come that people would think I don't like the person that's going away. He basically replied with "If you don't go, then that means you don't like the person that's going away". It's pretty screwed up logic.

    He's actually done this to me in the past, but at the time I couldn't see it.

    I don't know about you guys, but being a "guy" I have always covered for my friends. If I were in his situation, and a friend approached me telling me that he doesn't want to go, then I would cover him regardless of what his excuse is. Is that just me? I thought it was normally a guy thing. :dunno:

    Anyhow, after this conversation, I began to look back and analyze certain situations with him which is now convincing me that he's nothing more than a selfish asshole.

    1. Inviting me to places, multiple times. Ie: Laker's Games, Dodger games, and so on. Then uninviting me shortly afterwards. I normally wouldn't take it too serious, but a few of those times I've actually canceled my plans to go hang out with this guy, only to be uninvited.

    2. Careless about items that do not belong to him. A recent incident would be at a recent work event, I had my beer on the table, along with my sunglasses. He is a real touchy person, he likes to touch everybody's shit for no reason. While his arm was across the table reaching over something for no apparent fucking reason, he hit my beer, which spilled all over the table, hit my sunglasses, and my sunglasses fell onto the floor scratching the lens. They are $300 lenses, so that upset me pretty well, and I let him know that his action upset me. I received no apology, in return, I received his justified excuse "Your sunglasses shouldn't have been on the table".

    3. Nit-picking about money. Prior to recent incidents, this guy and I used to go to lunch frequently. I have no problems splitting the bill in half. Multiple times I have even paid a considerable amount of money more because the items he chose are expensive items, but I do agree to split the bill in half. However, when we do split the bill and my items happen to be a bit more expensive, he will nitpick 50 cents. And he will continuously bug about that 50 cents until he gets it back. After I would pay him back, he would often be manipulative telling me that I never paid him back and I still owe him those cents. It's so annoying.

    4. Shit talker. This guy has a ton of friends. Knows a lot of people and has a lot of connections. However, he continuously talks shit about all of them behind their back to me. Even a few of his close friends that I know of. Recently, that got me to thinking, he's probably talking shit to them about me.

    5. Immature. Although, this is more of an annoyance factor. He is quite immature. Constantly touching your belongings, annoying you, etc. He's also a fucking baby. He's a prank puller, he likes to pull pranks on people. In the end, it's all a laugh and a silly joke. The moment I or others pull a prank on him, he throws a hissy fit to the point where he will ignore a person for months. I pulled a prank on him last year for constantly fucking with my shit. He ignored me for a month straight. I suppose he should have just kept ignoring, lol.

    Anyway. I probably wrote a lot more than I should have. This document is probably one-sided, but I'm being as honest as I can. My question is, this dude is trying to get me to hit the Gym and hang out with him again, but I'm really having a difficult time putting trust into this person, knowing that he will toss me under the bus at anytime just so he can "sleep better at night". Do you think I should give this idiot a second chance or should I just forget it, at the moment, he's not worthy of being a friend of mine. What do you think?
     
  2. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Man...this sounds so much like a guy I was in school with. He was very cool when he wasn't engaging in this "shitty" behavior but I've had enough. I've explained to my "friend" many times that I don't like X or Y but he keeps doing it.....sure he's fine for a period of time but usually reverts back to this behavior after a few months.

    I'm finally done. I've been a good friend to this guy even though I'm not perfect and have made mistakes in the past. I'm just sick of all the drama and BS with this guy. Oh and he talks all kinds of shit about other friends also. I know when things aren't going well between us, he's talkin shit on me cuz one of our mutual friends told me.

    What's really insidious about my friend is that he's constantly walking the line or testing my patience. Many times he pushes and pushes until I respond with anger/frustration/disgust then he immediatly apologize and backs down. This leads me to belive he's simply working to provoke a reaction out of me.

    Anyways, life is too short to hang around people like this and I have many friends that don't do this. So why do I hang out with the guy that does?? Because we had a lot of the same interestes and had a lot in common besides that. HOwever, since I'm out of the situations where I'd see him on a regular basis (school) I'm done.

    I simply have no desire to hang around people that make me feel bad or that bring drama into my life. I've got better things to do and there are many ppl that won't do this.

    Oh regarding the whole "covering for you" bit. I wouldn't lie for anyone because it's against my principles. However, it could have easily been worded so it wasn't a lie and still didn't hurt the persons feelings.

    Perhaps you should go around your friend and talk directly with the person going away. Explian you anxiety and perhaps offer to take them to lunch where it's less crowded or something.
     
  3. kingtoad

    kingtoad OT Supporter

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    I agree that it didn't have to be a lie, he could have worded it to say something different, so why the fuck doesn't he do that?

    And he knows about my anxiety. And I think I'm about done with this guy. Just trying to get some feedback. Maybe I'm the one being unreasonable.
     
  4. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. The guy has clearly shown that he doesn't respect you, your property nor your boundaries and it sounds like he tries to manipulate you to do what he wants you to do.

    That doesn't sound like much of a friend to me.
     
  5. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    I have a friend I told to go away.
    I was like, 'Hey I think you owe me an apology. If you ever want to be friends again all you have to do is say your sorry.'.

    I did this because the entire time I have known her she has NEVER said she was sorry about anything she did. Whenever she did something that pissed me off or made an ass out of me or whatnot I had two choices, either forget about it or figure out a way it was my fault.
    Time and time again I came to her and was like, 'What you did hurt me!' she would turn it into such a big deal that by the time the whole thing was over I was apologizing to her.
    I always ended up feeling like a tool.

    So I finally told her. I was done with the friendship, through. She either find the ability to apologize to me within herself or be gone.

    Sometimes you gotta be that way. Some relationships are destructive. Some people are destructive.
     
  6. Takitome

    Takitome New Member

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    I think most people mature and some do not. And if it is as you say. the qualities of your friend are not qualities worth being mixed with. Trust is always a top factor in friendship.

    I can see both sides of the arguement when he wouldn't cover for you. But it hints at a more selfish reason then a rightious reason.

    You should stand up to people when they push you like that. Many will contiually try to push your limit untill you show them when they have stepped over the line. Although I wouldn't think anyone trying to do this a good choice for a friend, it doesn't necessarily mean so as many do this subconsciously to simply find out your limit so they can act accordingly
     
  7. johan

    johan Active Member

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    This guy is not your friend. Not only that but he is a tremendous asshole. Act accordingly.
     
  8. kEVOgt350

    kEVOgt350 Like a flashlight on but lost, my energy's there b

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    i was going to say the same thing. i wouldn't lie either but you had good intentions so if i were your friend i would have found a nice way of explaining why you couldn't make it.

    you seem to be on the right track. maybe you're leaving out some things, but if even half the things you describe are true then i think it's time you look for better friends.
     
  9. wufei

    wufei New Member

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    kick him to the curb. the way i see it, why make time, and effort, and spend money, to hang out with an asshole? its just a waste. the time can be better spent elsewhere.
     
  10. kingtoad

    kingtoad OT Supporter

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    Well, I guess the dude either got the hint, or he's being as stubborn as he's always been. :dunno: He's not talking to me as long as I'm not talking to him.
     
  11. kEVOgt350

    kEVOgt350 Like a flashlight on but lost, my energy's there b

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    for once stubborness is a blessing ey? :bowhs:
     

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