Young, Long-Term 6yr Relationship Coming to an End? *kinda long*

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Athlete218, Feb 22, 2008.

  1. Athlete218

    Athlete218 New Member

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    I have been with my g/f for just about 6 years & lived w/ her for basically 5. I, myself, just turned 25 this past week, so I have been w/ her the majority of my adulthood. Basically, she is the only girl I've ever loved and I think it may be coming to an end as we are on a "break" right now. We still live together & talk all the time & even have sex just like we always have. We both still love each other, it's just that we fight about the same things over & over. She said she's "pretty sure she wants to end it for good". I don't even know if I'm truly happy with her, other than we have great sex & I don't want to see her w/ anyone else...

    1) back at the VERY beginning of our relationship it was long-distance (I was a freshmen at college & she was finishing up high school, senior). We had only been talking/dating for about a month & a week after I had sex w/ her for the first time, I broke up w/ her to get back w/ the girl I had broken up w/ at college (which we had sex after breaking up). It is something that I regret, but I can't change the past.

    2) Then...she went on a senior trip & ended up kissing the guy & quickly making out. She lied about it for the longest time & finally told me what had happened...this was about a year into our relationship & she said she was scared of moving in together.

    So, since year 1, I have had an extremely hard time trusting her & question her a lot more than I should b/c she has been loyal since then. Other than the fact of her being somewhat flirtacious, I feel she has been loyal. However, being that I don't have full trust in her, I question everything she does & I think it has finally gotten to her. I even get worried when she goes out w/ some of her friends b/c I know they are somewhat slutty acting (not my g/f at all though)

    3) Her sister moved into our 1BR apartment, which caused a TON of stress & fights b/c she didn't help out w/ $, said she didn't have any money, yet she came home w/ literally, bags full of clothes on a daily basis. It pissed me off... a lot.

    Also, her family (only a few) does get on my nerves b/c they take advantage of her so much & treat her like their personal bitch w/ all kinds of bullshit favors. I get on her about that & make comments I shouldn't (like how she needs to stick up for herself & sometimes negative remarks about the family members...mostly sister-in-law), but I'm the type of person that has to say what I feel or else it bugs me to the point where my stomach is upset.

    I used to be extremely confident w/ myself, happy, outgoing w/ lots of friends. Before her, I hooked up w/ a ton of girls, basically every weekend (not sex, but everything else) Now, I am very depressed w/ everything in my life....I feel like she is the only one I have b/c I don't really have friends anymore b/c I put all my time towards her & stopped hanging w/ friends, I hate my job & feel stuck in it b/c there aren't many jobs out there right now (unless you have 5+ yrs experience) & I just have no idea what I want in my life. I used to have no problem making friends but it's tough now b/c I feel so down/depressed all the time and people aren't jumping to be friends w/ people who act pissed off & don't talk much. The only thing that makes me feel good about myself at this poing is going to the gym everyday....

    I'm not trying to make this a sob story, but I just need some feedback on what to do.
     
  2. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    that sucks man :hug:
     
  3. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    I truly think that almost any relationship issue can be resolved aside from abuse and cheating. Have you considered couples therapy?

    Edit: esp if you have other things going on that are making you depressed, it forces you to neglect the relationship.
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Should've ended it years ago when you knew good and well you didn't fully trust her. :hug: Sorry though. Hope when you end it you do the right thing by seperating her from your life for a long time. You need to figure out who you are and what you want from your life. Luckily you are only 25, you have plenty of time.
     
  5. Athlete218

    Athlete218 New Member

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    I actually had planned on breaking up back then & she was literally sobbing/begging me to stay, so i thought i would give her another chance & try to gain my trust back in her....it has happened a little, at a VERY slow pace. Plus, I left my original college/friends to move back here to live w/ her & go to a diff. college....I figured that I made a big committment & cared for her, so it was worth another shot. I've definitely gained a little more trust in her, but I guess it's not good enough for her.
     
  6. Athlete218

    Athlete218 New Member

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    I thought about that, but then I feel like she has already made up her mind by the way she talks....so i kind of look at is as useless.

    I've been trying to call/hang out w/ old friends but sometimes i feel like i'm just bugging them b/c they work a ton & have new friends....so, i feel like if i lose my gf i'll have no one (except my dog, which sadly is my best friend right now :wtc: )

    i know i was so much more happier when i was single & got lots of attention from different girls, had lots of friends, was outgoing/partied a lot, etc.... but like i said, i'm afraid of having no one if i lose her, afraid of not have much money leftover if she moves out of the apartment (we split bills now) & also afraid of seeing her w/someone else. she has been a huge part of my life & the thought of her w/ another guy makes me sick to my stomach. this whole depression thing is really killing me :(
     
  7. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    eesh, this is a rough spot you're in. you probably should have just cut your losses and ended it earlier to be honest.

    but i would say that if after 6 years, you don't think that she's the "one" or whatever that means, and instead just are with her because you don't want to lose her for someone else and because of the sex, then.....you should end it now.

    you've still got a lot of youth left to rebuild your social circle.
     
  8. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    It's so weird how girls can suck the life out of you without you realizing it before it's too late. I used to be so different before I met my ex and now I'm still trying to find out who the hell I am. It's time to break it off. I did it and I don't regret it one bit.
     
  9. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Girls suck the life out of you? More like you guys get in over your head and no longer make any decisions for yourself.
     
  10. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    My friend, you're young; and you've only been with this one woman for quite some time; you are both immature... You need practice to learn how to relate and figure out what you want... Just because you are afraid to let go of something you have gotten used to but not necessarily happy with anymore, you're going to want to sabotage something possibly much greater coming into your life? think about that for a moment.

    You're acting like a child who won't give up the toy; he rarely plays with.

    End it, it's okay; you will both learn/grow and find something better, if you truly love one another, you will be able to let go.

    There is a great difference between loving yourself and being strong/free and independent, and attempting to love yourself through someone else's attention.
     
  11. tqpolo

    tqpolo ***** Platinum Member OT Supporter

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    Your situation reminds me so much of what I went through last year. I was also in a 6 yrs relationship. The first year there was a lot of shit going on and I barely trust my ex. I had resentment on her for the longest time. I also lost a lot of my friends and wasn't making any new friends because I always hang out with her. All I can say is that there will be a long road ahead to be truly over this. I'm a year in my breakup and I'm still struggling with forgetting everything and moving on. There will be times when you feel really good about yourself because of your new found of freedom. You will do things more for yourself and find out who you really are. Then there will be times when you miss her like crazy and can barely function. Also if you decide to breakup, I would recommend you leave her life because there is no pain worse than seeing her with someone else. It will be tough to do cold turkey because you both are so used to each others. Good luck, bro.
    :hug:
     
  12. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    saw you two were "on a break" and stopped reading.

    It's over. "Break" almost always means a breakup, the person is just too cowardly to go through with it.

    You're either in a relationship together or you're not. No in betweens.
     
  13. Osiris^

    Osiris^ Creepy as fuck son OT Supporter

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    Damn, your situation started off exactly the same as my current relationship; trust issues, left original college to live with her, used to be so confident, sucking life out of me etc.

    our relationship is patchy at the moment, and i can't see it getting better anytime soon. in 4 years or so, i can imagine myself posting something very similar to you. in fact, if i had to pick a post that i would make online, several years in the future regarding the possible break-up of my relationship, it would be terrifyingly similar to yours.

    i don't really know what to say, but i hope it all works out man:hug:

    one of the main reasons i ain't got the balls to seriously consider doing something about my current relatioship. i just couldn't bear it.

    pathetic i know, but i don't care.
     
  14. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    you're only hurting yourself by staying with her. you're smart enough to realize this will happen to you. now be a man and prevent it.
     
  15. Athlete218

    Athlete218 New Member

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    this shit is killing me....she moved in w/ her sister tonight & i think we're pretty much over with. i feel pretty much sick to my stomach over the whole thing & it's really gonna kill me if i see her w/ another guy anytime soon.
     
  16. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    it's gonna hurt, but it might be for the best in the long run, because it'll drive it in your head that you two are over.

    there's a million threads in the vag about recovering from a breakup. search around or wait for IWYWB to post links. you'll get through it; hell most of the world has gone through it.
     
  17. Athlete218

    Athlete218 New Member

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    yeah, but 6 years is a long time......it just sucks making it that long & just have it end.
     
  18. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    yeah but it's over. if a relationship sucks after 6 years or 6 months, it still sucks. staying in it is only digging the hole deeper.

    especially since you're still young. think, 6 years from now you could be married to the girl of your dreams, and it won't be your ex.
     
  19. dontfearthegovt

    dontfearthegovt New Member

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    Hang in there man. If its over then you are going to have to be strong and learn to find a new passion in life, and you will. you are definately still a young guy and you have a looooot of time ahead of you to experience new things, new girls and you will surely find a new one.
     

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