You guys are right, I'm fucked up

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by SolidRanger, Feb 2, 2010.

  1. SolidRanger

    SolidRanger New Member

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    OK guys, I'm sure you're all more than aware that I am not in a good frame of mind. And through my threads and posts on her you guys have really help me to realize that the problem here is ME, and ME alone.

    It is clear to me now that there are flaw about myself that I need to actively work on and stop hiding.

    I came across a book today that is really changing my perspective on things. I have been familiar with the idea of being a "nice guy" (not in a good way) and I knew that I was one, but I guess I never realized how serious this actually was. I've read half this book in one sitting and it basically describes me to a tee.

    - I constantly seek approval from EVERYONE
    - I avoid conflict, for fear of "rocking the boat"
    - I believe that I must hide my perceived flaws and mistakes.
    - I believe that for everything, there is a "right" way to do it.
    - And here is the part that convinced me this book wasn't BS: I strive to be different from my father.
    - I give to get
    - I am fundamentally dishonest and lie all the time
    - I am full of anger and frustration

    Now that I am clear that I am not special or better than people, but that rather I fit a typical archetype of men go through life with ridiculous and unrealistic expectations and lacking the skills to make my life the way I want it to be.

    I think this is the first step in getting over the problems that have been plaguing me: frustration with life, lack of romantic and sexual connections, impaired ability to make and keep friends.

    So I just wanted to say that I'm gonna follow the exercises outlined in this book to try and get over this problem, because I believe my behavior and screwed up perceptions of life are to blame for my problems. As per recommendations given here on OT, as well as in this book, I will begin attending counseling offered through my university, and work to improve my social skills and self confidence. Tomorrow I am going to a student organization fair at my University to find clubs to join.

    So, all that being said. You'll see no more "pity party" threads from me anymore. I will stop fueling my anger and frustration through the internet and instead save it for therapy or channel it to constructive things, like continuing to work out and eat right.

    Thanks everyone
     
  2. VA197

    VA197 New Member

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    :hug: I am very proud of you for looking within yourself to find the issues that have prevented you from becoming the best person you can possibly be. Sometimes we get caught up in who we 'think we should be' and 'who the world want us to be' instead of being the person we really are. This path of self discovery you are setting upon, with the help of counseling is a very positive thing, and if you really are serious, and work on getting through all of the obstacles that have prevented you from overcoming the past and misconceptions that have held you back, you are going to build self-confidence, and find that eventually you will be such a stronger person, and a much happier one.

    Learn to speak well of yourself, concentrate on the good things in you, all of your fine qualities. If there are things about you that you don't like, work on changing them, with the help of your counselor. If you need some additional support, shoot me a pm, I'm always here to lend a shoulder.

    You have all my best wishes and my support during your journey of change and self-discovery.

    God bless you and I hope that this time of change goes as well and easy as possible for you!!!:x:
     
  3. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    This is the best post you have ever made. Good luck man.

    :hug:

    Care to share the name of the book?
     
    Last edited: Feb 2, 2010
  4. giz

    giz Active Member

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    Agreed. Good luck. It's going to take a lot of effort, but it'll be worth it. when it gets hard just remember why you are taking these steps.
     
  5. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    at your mom's house. be back later.
    .:h5:

    Seriously man, good for you :h5: Stick with it. It'll probably get harder before it gets better, but it will get better :hsd:



    And :werd: on book deets!
     
  6. LBFilmGuy

    LBFilmGuy LOL why u mad tho?

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    I am LBFilmGuy, and this is the first SolidRanger thread I approve of.

    [​IMG]
     
  7. peoplescar

    peoplescar Guest

    sounds awesome dude :bowdown:
    You just lack confidence in yourself by trying to please everyone. make yourself an individual and show you have confidence in who you are. people will like you much more for that.


    watch this :bowrofl:

    [y]<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/zO5OwfEh5bw&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/zO5OwfEh5bw&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>[/y]
     
  8. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Good! :h5:
     
  9. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    .
     
  10. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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  11. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    Holy shit... Finally. Good luck man, enjoy the journey.
     
  12. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    'Bout damn time you woke up!
     
  13. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Is it "No More Mr. Nice Guy"? Cuz if it's not, you should also read that book. I think there's an ebook copy posted in a thread from years ago by Viper.
    there usually is :o :mamoru: :hs: Well perhaps it's more accurate to say there is a "best" way to do something. rarely are two separate courses of action both equally "optimal", and therefore one is "best." IBflames. But what may be important for you right now is not worrying about it. You don't have to be perfect, so don't be overly concerned with doing everything exactly right, especially on your first try.

    Hmm, you sound like an asshole, but not the good kind who gets chicks.

    That is a great understanding :bigthumb:

    What book is it?
     
  14. SolidRanger

    SolidRanger New Member

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    As a matter of fact it is! I found the hardcover version. It's so crazy, everything the author is writing about describes me absolutely perfectly. It's really awesome that I found something totally relevant to the exact problems that I have.

    It's really opened my eyes to things that I do that are not healthy or normal behaviors, but that I sort of thought were.

    One of the exercises it has says to make a list of everything I do to seek approval from people. Here's my list:
    • I constantly ask my friends/family for criticisms/approval. For example, I'll buy a new pair of sunglasses that I think are cool, then ask everyone I know what they think of them, and if I'm not given enough approval, I will not wear the sunglasses.
    • I avoid calling my friends to see if they want to hang out out of fear that I would be bothering them or imposing, and that they might not want to be my friend anymore. I have this convoluded idea that if they really wanted to hang out with me, they would call me.
    • When I meet new people, I avoid calling them or asking them to hang out for fear of rejection or that I'm bothering them or somehow offending them by asking, and they would not want to be my friend.
    • I don't approach women I find attractive because I fear that doing so will somehow offend them or ruin their night. Honestly the only times that I do approach women, are when they make it odvious that they want me to talk to them (never happens) or if I'm so drunk that I just don't care.
    • I never invite my father to share in activities that I enjoy. Instead I always do whatever he wants to do, in hopes that it will make him happy or make him actually want to spend time with me (he was very uninvolved most of my life).
    • I avoid participating in classes for fear that people will argue with me or disagree with what I have to say, or even call me stupid.
    • I use ALOT of different skin care products and things like rogaine in order to try and make myself look as good as I possibly can in hopes that people notice.
    • I've always tried to be "low-maintenance". To hide my own needs and wants for fear that I would appear "needy" and fear of abandonment.
    My goal at this point is to keep recognizing approval-seeking behaviors that I have, and learn to strive for my own approval and focus on making my own wants and needs a priority.
     
  15. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Sweet, dude. I bought that book in hardcover before I found the ebook copy, too.

    It's a great book.
     
  16. Jacy

    Jacy red lipstick brigade

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    I'm happy for you. :hug:
     
  17. SolidRanger

    SolidRanger New Member

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    Thanks for your support everyone, really appreciate it.

    One more thing that I'm realizing is that maybe I should move out of my mom's house. That means that I would have to get a full time job, in addition to my full class schedule, but I think it might be worth it.

    Thinking back, I am a bit of a momma's boy. When I lived on my own, I took charge of everything. I felt like a real adult in control of his life. This was also the time where I had the most success, both career, socially, and sexually. Now that I'm thinking critically about it, I think living with my mother has enabled me to act like a helpless wimp.
     
  18. Pounce

    Pounce New Member

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    :bigthumb: I'm glad to hear it! The other threads were a little worrisome. Good luck.
     
  19. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    You sound like what I imagine I would have if I hadn't started doing hardcore drugs after High School. Don't take that to infer that I think you should start doing drugs. Although really... nevermind. :rofl:
     
  20. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :bowdown::bowdown::bowdown:
     
  21. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    Not funny. My cousin just got checked into a year and a half long in-patient drug rehab program by his parents, because he got out of control with abusing hardcore drugs during and after High School. That dumb fucker. :ugh:
     
  22. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    :ugh::ugh::ugh:

    You obviously don't shit about me. :rofl:
     
  23. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    I'm just saying, even joking about drugs being something that could have a positive impact on someone's life isn't funny IMO.
     
  24. SolidRanger

    SolidRanger New Member

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    No worries, even someone as miscalibrated as I am knows that drugs are only trouble. I don't even smoke pot anymore (did as a teenager)
     
  25. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    There is nothing wrong with any drug in moderation.


    That is all.
     

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