SRS You ever feel used?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Queenpkn, Sep 19, 2008.

  1. Queenpkn

    Queenpkn New Member

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    I know I do it to myself, but for some reason I keep seeing the damn good in people and I continue to let them take advantage of me.

    And then I dont stop it because then I feel bad, like I'm mean or things will be my fault if I do stop things.

    A friend recently gave me advice telling me to not be so available to people, if I'm always there, to just not always be there, if I always do things, to stop doing things for people.

    I just find it really hard to. So how do I stop without coming off as a mean bitch?
     
  2. Original

    Original OT Supporter

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    my mom is the same way, and has been her whole life, she cant stop

    what you may think is being "mean,".. is probably not mean at all. take a day out and say "this is my day" and fuck everyone else

    dont wanna talk on the phone? let it go to voicemail
    want some time to yourself? tell people you're too busy or tired

    do this a few times and you'll feel like a king :o

    you have to be quite an asshole to be "mean" .. like tell someone you'd pick them up and just not do it. tell them you can't from the start and savor your free time
     
  3. Queenpkn

    Queenpkn New Member

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    Yeah, I guess I just feel like saying no is me not coming through for them, but I know that's not the case. I just have this thing that if I needed something from someone then they would be there for me, so why not be there fore them.

    I just think there's a time to cut shit off and do things for myself.

    I think I do need a day to do just what i want to do, shut off my cell phone hop in my car and just fuck'n go on a road trip and have my happy day!
     
  4. ft2057

    ft2057 New Member

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    I'm sure everyone has been taken advantage of at some point in their life. To lend a hand is one thing, to give them one is another.

    I've been taken advantage quite a lot as well and it is kind of hard to not trust your friends and family, but it is your responsibility to do things within reason.

    EDIT: You can't depend on others to be around when you need them to be either...just because you were there for them does not mean that they will return the favor regardless of how close you may or may not think you are. If you do, prepare for a BIG disappointment.
     
  5. Queenpkn

    Queenpkn New Member

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    yeah, i've actually been disappointed a couple of times. I hear what you're saying.
     
  6. Queenpkn

    Queenpkn New Member

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    ok, so what if the person get's mad when i say no, then what?
     
  7. tibbar

    tibbar aww fennec foxah aww

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    Say you're sorry. But still won't do whatever they wanted in that instance.
     
  8. eXyle

    eXyle ׂ

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    i would question why they are mad in the first place. when i have to say no, i tend to give them a concise and solid reason as to why i'm saying no. most of those who i would turn to in a time of need would do the same. the only way i see myself getting mad at receiving a no is if they simply blow me off or i'm just being selfish. if you're not blowing them off and give them a short and good reason as to why you're saying no, they should not be getting mad unless they are simply being selfish and expecting you to do things for them (in other words, taking advantage of you).

    if that is the case, i would reevaluate their role in my life.

    haha, my explanation is a bit convoluted, but the only reasons why i see someone getting mad at being told no tends to be for selfish and negative reasons.
     
  9. eXyle

    eXyle ׂ

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    oh, and to address the topic at had, the only times i've felt like i was being taken advantage of is when i reflected on how passive i was being and how i let people walk all over me.

    i don't do favors expecting anything in return. i do them because i'm both in a position to help and want to help. if i'm neither capable or willing, i don't because then i'll just feel bitter or something close to it. i'll get into the habit of telling myself i do such and such for this person and they never do anything for me, yada yada. it's then that i realize, that i was only helping because i wasn't comfortable saying no and felt that my "sacrifice" should be rewarded or reciprocated. i find such thoughts to be quite unhealthy and they just make me miserable, angry and whatnot. not so much because i'm angry at them, but angry at myself.

    some people don't care that favors are being done begrudgingly so long as they are being done. i'm not like that, if someone is helping me out, i want it to be because they want to and can help me. i, in turn, do the same, so when i do a favor, people know it's genuine and that they have no reason to feel indebted to me. dunno, on the surface, the action remains the same (a favor is a favor), however, the desire is just coming from a better place, so to speak. that's how i act and those close to me act as well. in those instances, i never feel taken advantage of and am happy that i was able to help.

    bonus, i rarely get into the "well i've done such and such for you, you never do anything for me" type of arguments i've seen so many others have.
     

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