Yet Another, Thinking about the Ex

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by EdvardGrieg, Dec 14, 2005.

  1. EdvardGrieg

    EdvardGrieg New Member

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    Yes, I recognize there have been a few threads lately regarding this topic, but I feel like my situation is a little different, or at the very least I didn't want to 'thread-jack' someone else's show. I'll use ex and current gf out of convenience, it is not meant to be condescending to either one, just easier to follow in some regards than actual names.

    Anyway...So about 3 months ago I broke up with my GF of roughly 16mos. It was getting to the point where it felt like everything she was doing was selfish, unappreciative, and generally bad. I started going out with a girl who had taken my previous job, and we've been together for the past 3 months.

    During the break-up with the ex she pleaded with me not to leave, promised she'd change, and apologized for a lot of things, at the same time she also said some pretty hurtful things as well.

    Now for a little background, the ex is two years older than me (she's 25), and she was working basically full time while I was finishing up school. The new girl is 2 years younger (21) and now she's in school while I'm working full time. One of the things I'm finding is that a lot of the things my Ex did for me I took for granted as I was in school and I recognize that now since the roles are reversed.

    I have found that over the last 3 mos I have constantly thought about my Ex, and she was my first serious long-term relationship, and I don't know if this is just natural for me to be thinking about her so much, or if there is something more too it...when I say think about her, I have to constantly catch myself from calling my current gf the same pet names etc. To complicate things more, my ex moved back to MI since she didn't think there was anything left for her out here, and she could live at home and save money there (she had some financial issues).

    Also, with the current gf I have found out that when I first met her she was great, but I am currently finding that she is basically manic/depressive (in a very serious sense), with a past history of anorexia. I have gone to her place on more than one occasion in the middle of the night because she has told me in tears that she doesn't think she should be alone etc. I don't mean to sound selfish with it, but it is a lot for me to deal with right now, and some of the times I have gone up there I have been really sick on top of it (with her knowing that). She seems to 'appreciate' me more, and I make note of that, because not to brag, but I tend to treat the woman I am with very well, and while I may not be in the best shape, I know that I am well educated and quickly making something of myself in life.

    I do recognize that I was basically an asshole with my Ex in the way that I broke things off with her, and that I think I am finding that the grass is not necessarily greener. I do want to seem like a bastard with the current gf's depression, but she has even said to the affect of "I don't think you should have to deal with this either", and the one that really got me, "I bet you're really regretting choosing me over your ex, I know I would". Which of course hints at self-esteem issues too.

    I know that I probably should have taken a complete break from women in between, and I don't want this to sound to negative about either one since they both have great qualities. I tend to be very analytical, so the whole "do what your heart tells you" is pretty hard for me...I would love some guidance from people about how to determine if the reoccuring feelings I'm having for my Ex are valid, or just lingering feelings from a long relationship.

    The other issue I am concerned about, is with my Ex, I feel like I want to be with her, but I don't feel like I am ready for marriage at this stage yet (I am not financially secure enough etc), and I feel that trying to convince her to come back is going to have that obvious implication, that there better be something substantial here for her.

    I know this was a long post, and I thank anyone that got through it all. Feel free to ask questions as I don't want to misrepresent anyone with this.

    Thanks!
     
  2. mrs0323

    mrs0323 New Member

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    Ok, first of all, you broke up with ex and started dating someone else immediately. Not always a smart thing to do. Especially after a long term relationship, you need time to heal. You gave yourself no time to examine why the relationship went sour before you jumped onto ms. manic depressive.
    This sounds like a classic case of not knowing what you've got until it's gone. But it IS gone, back to MI and to think you can get her to move her happy self back to where you are is ludicrous.
    Bottom line, drop ms. manic and give yourself a break. Cruel to current gf but you are not emotionally ready to be in another relationship right now.
    just my opinion.
     
  3. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    Take some personal time to get your shit together.
     
  4. EdvardGrieg

    EdvardGrieg New Member

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    I do realize that I probably need some personal time, but I don't know that that is going to happen. So moving beyond that point...

    I'm pretty sure I could 're-kindle' things with my ex, the dilemma I face is if I really want to, and if I should. She could get depressed too, and one of the biggest differences with here, was that I'm not sure she has direction in her life, so while we were together, she would complain about things going on, but it never really felt like she was doing anything about it. However, things seemed to be going better for her before she left.

    With the current gf, she has quite a bit more direction in her life, working, school etc, but the mental issues don't seem like as much of a short-lived thing.

    So....beyond the taking some personal time (since at least to me I do that enough as it is by being overly-analytical), what else can I do, think about etc to try and determine which, if either of the two girls I should put my heart into, and again, since I'm so analytical, I find it hard to just "follow my heart", so I'm looking for some other ideas.

    Thanks!
     
  5. k0in b4hd

    k0in b4hd New Member

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    try not to feel so trapped and the answer will come
     
  6. EdvardGrieg

    EdvardGrieg New Member

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    That's actually a really thought provoking statement (even if it does sound like it came out of a fortune cookie ;) )

    When I think about it though, I don't feel that I'm necessarily trapped in the situation itself, but rather the decision and the potential ramifications. I feel like I've been thinking about this forever, and I'm not really sure how I'm going to feel any less trapped...
     
  7. mahnamahna

    mahnamahna Guest

    Leave both girls alone for a while.. Whenever it's over it's always so much easier to remember all of the good things and ignore all of the bad things (which sounds like there were many of). I think you should take time by yourself to think about your life and what you want and need, and make a decision then about who you want to be with.
     
  8. quid

    quid I Piss Excellence OT Supporter

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    the best thing i did for myslef was getting a gym membership instead of another girlfriend after my last series of relationships.

    its better for you, and will be better for your relationships if you learn how to properly get over relationships.
     
  9. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    Quoted for MF'ing Troof
     

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