SRS Yet another breakup story :wtc:

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Patch, Sep 28, 2006.

  1. Patch

    Patch New Member

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    Just want to share this.

    The thing that really sucks about this is that we have had absolutely no problems in this relationship besides one: distance.

    I met my, well I guess ex now, almost 4 years ago. I was living and working in a shitty little town that she happened to get sent to on her foreign exchange program from Brasil. We happened to meet and things went from there. She was only here for 2 months that time, and it didn't get extremely serious (just basic steady dating). She went back to her home and I continued on. We kept in touch through email and the occasional phone call.

    About 10 months after that she came back for a visit and stayed for 6 months. This time things did get serious. I fell completely in love with her and she with me. Happiness ensued until once again it was time for her to leave, because her visa was only for 6 months. That time was pretty hard on both of us, but we decided we were going to try to stay together, and managed to keep in fairly close contact through email, phone, etc.

    A couple of months after that my army application was finally approved and I was sent off to basic. Now being in the military is something I have wanted to do as long as I can remember, and since I got in I have loved every minute. I can't imagine doing anything, nor do I want to.

    After I was done my first couple of courses she came up again. We had an apartment together this time and for 3 mnths it was really wonderful. But once again the ugly beast of Canadian visitor laws reared its head and she had to leave. This time was the worst one, because we had truly realized that we really were meant for each other and wanted nothing more than to be together forever. I even raised the idea of marriage to see what she thought, although I wasn't really ready for that step (not that I wasn't ready for that with her, I just wasn't ready for the whole marriage dealy at that time) but she felt the same as I did, that she wasn't ready for that.

    I have been down to see her, although not for nearly as long because of financial and time (time off) restrictions, and I do love her country too.

    Since then I've been permenently (for a few years at least) posted and finally feel a bit settled. By this point everyone is thinking why doesn't she just stay up here? A couple of reasons: as much as she loves Canada, she loves Brasil more. Schooling for her is free there, and she has been accepted since then and really loves it. I want her to be happy and I realize that this is something very important to her (being educated and doing a job she loves), and we simply could not afford for her to go to school here. Why don't I go there? Similar reasons: I can't imagine doing something other than what I am, and there really isn't anything I can do in her country that could support me, let alone us even if I did go there.

    So we finally talked about the situation and came to the decision that as much as we both want it to, the situation just really isn't looking good for us to be together. So we called it off tonight. The worst part is that she is the best woman I have ever met. She is amazingly intelligent, caring, funny, and beautiful. Neither of us are jealous and we trusted each other totally. We enjoy doing the same things, think about things the same way, and just all around click. We have never had a fight. I simply cannot imagine meeting anyone else ever again who embodies all of the qualities I love and none of the ones I hate.

    So I sit here typing this out wondering what else I could have done to make this work. You might say that love finds a way, or we should have done whatever was neccessary to be together. As much as I want that to be true, love doesn't feed you or provide a roof over your head. And neither of us want to make the other leave basically everything they have ever known and end up resenting the other down the road because of it.

    And I have lost the only women I have thought was perfect because of the simple fact that we were born 10000 miles apart. Fuckin shitty deal :wtc:
     
  2. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Compromise and move somewhere else, together.
     
  3. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    :werd: Or wait until she is done with school and then she can move to canada. Or maybe the army could send you to brazil. If your relationship is really that great then you shouldn't give it up so easily. I'd take a perfect relationship over a great job any day. A job is just a way to pay your bills, jobs can be found everywhere. You guys can also be happy living somewhere else, you may be used to where you're living now but that doesn't mean you won't end up loving a new place.
     
  4. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Alright, for some reason I was thinking about your post on the way to work today (I have a long commute so a lot of stuff pops into my head).

    When my parents were dating, my dad was in the Air Force so he was always moving around, and my mom was living in Virginia, doing her thing. They really loved each other, but my mom was sick of my dad always being on the move, because it was putting a strain on their relationship. So one day she called him while he was in Seattle and basically said "I love you, this relationship is awesome, but these circumstances suck. We either need to get married and do this, or we need to end it." Actually, my dad was all "What? I can't hear you" (cuz he was fixing his furnace at the time and it was making a lot of noise :rofl:). So I guess my mom had to repeat herself :mamoru:

    Anyway, they're still married like... uh... however many years later it is right now. I think it's like 28 years or something.

    So here's my advice:

    If you guys are really soul mates, then fuck this situational bullshit. "Love doesn't put a roof over your head" is something golddigging bitches say. I would dump a girl if she said that to me. If you guys are really that crazy about each other after 4 years and it's still going strong, that's probably a sign that you're supposed to be together.

    Quote for mother fucking truth.

    That one special person is worth the best job in the world. It doesn't matter. Don't fuck this up because you're not going to be in this same situation again.

    Alright dude. Five years from now what do you want? Do you want to still be with this girl? If you answered "yes," you're going to kick yourself over and over if you lose her. Pull a Hollywood moment. Do something daring. Go buy her a ring (CZ if you're frugal, it's the gesture that counts, not the price of the diamond) and surprise her and propose. Fuck it. You won't know if you don't try. Or you guys said you don't want to get married (how old are you, anyway?) Take some leave and show up at her place with flowers or something. Tell her ending it is the wrong thing to do. If she doesn't agree then she's not the right one. If you don't want to be that ballsy, then send her a package with a letter expressing your feelings. Email would work, but a package is cooler. Mail it, and then email her and say "check your mail in a couple says."

    I don't know.

    Maybe I romaticize everything. A good job is important, but it pales in comparison to being with the right person. Hopefully she's as upset as you are about this whole thing.

    Just don't give up. That's bullshit. Isn't she worth more to you than that? If she's really worth it, don't let her be the one that got away. And even if it fails, at least you'll know that you tried, and you won't be wondering "what if..."
     
  5. durondude

    durondude OT Addict

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    Sometimes finding your soulmate may prove easier than to actually keep them. I know deep down inside you feel as though you will never be complete without her by yourside. This is the true test of love. It's a matter of compromise and sacrifice. No matter what you will have something to regret. The problem is choosing which to regret. Sounds like you really really love her with all of your heart. Will you work all day in the scorching sun just to provide for her? Just to come home to a small place on earth with her by yourside? Think about it. There is always a way to make money. This might be your one chance for true happiness which some people will never get in their lifetime. Now until you pass away, you may work several jobs, but at least she will be with you through it all.

    My advice is, don't give up on it. If you're truely happy with one another. It's worth fighting for. In the end, you will think back and regret something. Just don't let it be the regret of not trying.
     

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