year of self ban update.

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by sniper0423, Apr 19, 2010.

  1. sniper0423

    sniper0423 Member

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    hello all,

    just returned from self imposed 1 year and have learned so much in that time.

    The ban originated from a desire of an ex that I spent more time on here than with her (partly true, but this was sometimes the way I got my news before anyone else). I caved (should not have). Immediately wished I had not, as I realized that she basically had me acting differently than I did at the beginning.

    Shortly after that (2 months) I felt nothing for her. She and I changed the way we interacted; things grew stagnant. I sat her down and talked to her about this and her fear of what would happen when we graduated college. She was not really ok with the idea that we would be on other sides of the country or world. I tried to make things work, but as always was the case, school came first (was agreed upon in the beginning as to each of our order of priorities.) We split. I was devastated for about 2 months following that and could not get on here due to my aforementioned caving to her desire.

    I threw myself into my rock climbing, running, design work and really getting my photography up to par so that I could finally start my own business. Graduation came, She got a job offer in Houston and I went to Italy. By this time we had started talking about things to reach some kind of resolution. I learned that things that mattered to me were lied about to "make me like her more in the beginning" (total time dating was 1.6 years). I did skype her about two times a week while over in Italy (5 weeks). She was a point of contact that I knew and she knew how my head worked. This was good for me. I got answers to questions that I never thought to ask during my time with her. I did not have time to really sulk whilst over there as I was always on the go.

    I return from Italy, we talk more. I find out she has been introduced and dating a new guy (beginning June 09). She seems happy, which is good (they are still happy).

    I realized during my trip that I was not who I should be and make a conscious effort to change. To this date, I have done more design work, started my photography business that is doing well, made awesome friends that I did not have before, and really thrown myself into continual improvement as a man and person in general. Found out that many things that I believe and do not believe, who I can trust, and what I want to do in life.

    Still talk to her every now and then, as she is an awesome friend. She and her new SO know that I have a standing ultimatum that if he hurts her, he has me to contend with (I will always be there for her if she needs it, same with her).

    At this point in life, I am beginning to feel stagnant with the dating pool locally. Have varied locations and groups, yet have not found someone who will challenge me so far physically and mentally (2 biggest things). That does not mean that I am stopping trying though, just being very selective. During my event shoots, I basically have a reason to get any persons numbers and have been asked for mine as well. I am apparently "gorgeous" according to the 3 last people to which I have talked. I have never viewed myself this way and do not want to do as such (I would rather stay humble, makes me a better person).

    tl;dr: using advice i remembered from here during my self ban, I got my shit together and have figured out what I want in others.

    Thanks all for the advice to others that I lurked around and read.:bowdown:

    A lot of this is self analysis. During school i jumped into psychology classes and learned a lot about myself and human response
     
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2010
  2. sniper0423

    sniper0423 Member

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    And now comes the advice request.

    I normally approach women and begin conversation. Over the course of that, I will invariably use vocabulary that is apparently beyond their lexicon. This brings about a conversation that so far has usually ended with them going "wow, you must be really smart, huh?" This single sentence is such a mental put off, along with the fact that I have had to define words that are not that far above societal vocabulary levels, that I do not feel the desire to continue to get to know them.

    Below kind of describes how I feel I am.

    [​IMG]

    So, do I try to ignore this and work on getting to know them more with the hope vocabulary and intelligence improve (I do not want to have to teach them every day), or do I move on and hope for someone who matches or exceeds my requirements?

    p.s. I am supposedly getting set up with someone who is a doctoral candidate and sounds like an amazing person. Just have not met her yet.
     
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2010
  3. kmad86

    kmad86 Swine Epidemic Survival Crew '09 OT Supporter

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    Where in Italy were you?
     
  4. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    Wow


    Way too in depth for me (charts and shit, really?)
     
  5. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Just give up... you're too smart for women. :rolleyes:
     
  6. peoplescar

    peoplescar Guest

    women act dumb sometimes in order to impress men. why don't you just tone down the vocab lessons and talk normally?
     
  7. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    keep it light and funny

    when she comments on your vocab this is a great time to engage in some self-deprecating humor, as well as bust on her for not knowing what the words mean

    IME, intelligent people with large vocabularies tend to speak way too much when they are meeting women. Slow it down. Say less, not more. The less you say, the greater the impact of what you do say (and the opposite is true as well).

    Do not fear the "uncomfortable silence." Awkward pauses are only awkward if you allow them to be awkward.
     
  8. PcH

    PcH Guest

    Seriously. I was reading that post and was thinking "who seriously talks like this?"
     
  9. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    That's weird. I would be creeped the fuck out if a gf told me that about her ex. Not because I'm planning on hurting anyone, just cuz it's weird on so many levels.
     
  10. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    :bowrofl: :bowrofl: :bowrofl: :bowrofl: :bowrofl: :bowrofl: :bowrofl:
    :bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown:
    :h5: :h5: :h5: :h5:
    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
     
  11. Genghis.Tron

    Genghis.Tron New Member

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    I'm beginning to think that the ex-gf's lies were useful because she was able to stand up to his standards.

    :werd:

    I'm sorry that I might break your bubble but people who have PhD's don't know everything. She might not understand half of the stuff you say if you're using complicated photography terms because she's not studying into that field. People who are doing a PhD tend to be specialized in a very, very specific field...

    What's a good relationship? How long should it take to fall in love?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 20, 2010
  12. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    you threatening the current bf..... weird.

    you banning youself from OT. good job, sounds like you had an issue and doing so caused you to discover yourself.

    your vocab.... MOST women look for a lot of things in guys. intelligence is one of them. however, when you do not speak to your audience and instead use vocab above most people they are put off.
    you will look like you are trying too hard to impress them with your intelligence. why? got other short comings to make up for? (im not asking you this personally. just saying some women may think this).

    think of it this way.... and remember i am generalizing this.... women, correct me if i am wrong. but i have a lot of female friends who i hear this from:

    friends see a guy in good built. he is wearing "normal" clothes. they comment on how good he looks.
    same girls see a guy with same good built. he is wearing a super tight ed hardy shirt. they call him a DB.

    you know you are smart. you can come across as so w.o trying so damn hard :)
     
  13. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    ....and sleep with him while requiring a bare minimum of time, money, or energy invested on his part.
     
  14. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    sniper135, admit it. wolfskymoon was/is your AE, right? :mamoru:
     
  15. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    oh no.... do you wear tight shirts? :noes::mamoru:


    im just fucking with you. i know what you are saying...... but the TS sounds like he is talking about getting a girl that "challenges" him and will keep his interest.
    i was just trying to make an anology.
     
  16. nitemare2112

    nitemare2112 New Member

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    your incorrectly pairing large vocabulary with high intelligence imo

    also if you really are as intelligent as you say, it will show itself in how you handle situations and in your overall demeanor. Otherwise it looks like you are showing off
     
  17. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    So you hate it when women compliment you? Stop using faggy words and you won't have that problem.
     
  18. sniper0423

    sniper0423 Member

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    I understand that. It is a matter of over time the intelligence is not shown in other aspects of life. I lay it out in the very beginning with everyone I talk to; If you are intelligent in ways other than how I am (physics, photography, architecture and design), that is amazing. However, I am finding a complacency common with many of them. A lack of desire to read or gain knowledge in anything is very off putting.
     
  19. sniper0423

    sniper0423 Member

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    Oddly, this is how I talk. I have surrounded myself with good friends who are intelligent (physicists, molecular biologists, engineers, writers and various others who have gone through decent education).

    This is probably why I have high standards.
     
  20. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    this is why you'll never find pussy again
     
  21. GTP

    GTP New Member

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    :jerkit:
     
  22. sniper0423

    sniper0423 Member

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    There is a matter of connections that I look for in every one. It can be during a long or short amount of time, but the mental connection is extremely important.
     
  23. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    always :bigthumb:
     
  24. sniper0423

    sniper0423 Member

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    I love the uncomfortable silence. Gives me time to look around and take in the environment and scenario.

    As to the vocabulary thing, I do know that I talk a fair amount during conversation and that is one of the reasons I force silence from myself so it does not seem that all I do is talk.

    the lies were about physical activity and how she loved to do it as well. just did not continue after about 4 months in, no matter how much i encouraged her to come along.

    I know that they do not know everything. However, the specialized knowledge and desire to learn more is what is always interesting about learned people.

    I am not talking just of photography. Literature, sciences, performance arts, and music are all frequent conversation points. It just seems that I am more able to verbalize how certain pieces make me feel or the history behind the work.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 20, 2010
  25. Reign

    Reign Banned

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