WTF? Stood up...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by mattxr1, Sep 14, 2006.

  1. mattxr1

    mattxr1 bamf

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    So Friday I meet this girl at a fraternity/sorority social and start talking to her. We talk for about 30 minutes, walk away and talk to my friend for a bit, then she walks by and asks me to come dance with her. So I dance with her for a bit, and I'm getting pretty good vibes from her. She gets tired so we go sit down for a bit, I buy her a drink, and we talk for the rest of the night. She says she's having a really good time with me and says she wants to hang out again, so we exchange numbers and I ask her if she wants to get dinner next week. She says she's down, even tells me where she wants to go.

    So she's laying her head on my shoulder, then she lays pretty much across my lap so I go in for a kiss. We kiss, but she's like "I ussually don't make out with guys unless I'm dating them." I'm like... ok... Anyway, she sits on my lap on the ride home, and when we get back to her sorority we part ways. I call her the next day on Saturday to confirm that we're going out on Wednesday for dinner... all is still going pretty good at this point.

    I called her last night (Tuesday) to see when she wants me to pick her up but her phone went straight to voicemail. No big deal, I'll just call her tomorrow afternoon... So I call her today probably 4 or 5 times and just keep getting her voicemail right away, I left a message but she never called me back... ussually when the phone goes straight to voicemail the phone is off though..

    Now I'm pretty confused as to what happened. I thought I did everything right... she pretty much asked me out, and then she fucks me over like this. What the fuck?! I'm not really heart broken or anything, I barely knew her, but I was pretty disappointed and feel like a tool because I told my friends I'd be going out with this girl tonight and she doesn't pick up her phone. :wtc:
     
  2. kilamasta

    kilamasta New Member

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    Well you still have like 12 hour left for a girl ? If she doesn't call, well it's too bad. Move on. Don't ever talk to her again ; don't take bullshit.
     
  3. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    Where to start?

    First of all, what about how she treated you makes you think you are special? Basically you did nothing and she was all over you. If she will treat YOU that way, she will treat other guys that way.

    Then you call her repeatedly and show your desperation. Most likely she met a guy who instead of induldging her every whim like you did, challenged her and didn't kiss her ass and she is spending her time with him.
     
  4. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Yeah, because agreeing to go out with a girl when she asks you is the same as indulging her every whim. his actions were quite understandable...a girl asked him out, he said yes.

    Oh wait, I'm sorry, "alpha males" don't agree to anything with women, because that would be acting like babies.

    I agree that the calling the few times after may have been a lil much, but come on, if you've set up plans with someone, but then never get the final details worked out, it's normal to want to get it straightened out.
     
  5. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    She asked to dance, he danced. She asked to stop, he stopped. She asked for a drink, he bought her one. And he sat and talked to her all night. Then she told him where they were going to dinner, and he conceded.

    Yea, all that is understandable behavior, but it's still submissive and seeking approval.

    Also this shows the value of proper planning. Either get the number and set up the date later, exercising a little patience, or tie up all the loose ends straight away so that you don't have any need to speak to her before you show up for the date. Either way you are less likely to get screwed on the deal if she is not really interested; either she won't make a date over the phone, or she won't commit to it up front without leaving herself an out (the old call-to-confirm datebreaker trick). Leaving things up in the air only causes confusion and potential for misdirection.

    And yeah, calling the next day and then over and over to try to confirm was about the worst thing you could have possibly done. That screams NEEDY. But I'm thinking she probably didn't intend to keep the date anyway.
     
  6. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    i dunno, but the girls i know dont turn their cells off... when they can just ignore the calls they dont want to have.
     
  7. mattxr1

    mattxr1 bamf

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    pfff... i called her probably 4 times. i'm not really needy, i was trying to keep to our plans. i'm 19, a sophmore, in a fraternity, and go to a huge school with tons of hot girls, and go out 3 nights a week. every weekend i get a girls number and hook up with some girl. i'm not heartbroken over this... just mostly confused because this one was more into me than most girls ussually seem.

    i'm not an asshole to girls. i'm in a fraternity, i know the kind of guys you are talking about, and to be honest, yeah, they get laid more often, but ussually with some slut girl and they really could care less. I go for the girls that are cute/hot, smart, and a bit more reserved. Being an asshole to one of those types of girls works to an extent, but most of the time it's being chill and laid back that scores points with them.

    It definately was NOT that I was fulfilling her every wish that turned her off... if I had ignored her completely she probably wouldn't have cared about what I was doing at all.
     
  8. mattxr1

    mattxr1 bamf

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    yeah, i know, but ussually when you ignore the call it rings then goes to voicemail...

    in this case it just went straight to voicemail without ringing. no way she could hit the ignore button twice that fast to send my call to voicemail.
     
  9. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    right, so she probably wasnt ignoring you/singling you out intentionally. id give her one change to make it up...then move on.
     
  10. mattxr1

    mattxr1 bamf

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    ya, i'm kinda pissed still though so if she doesn't call me then fuck her. i left her a message this afternoon so she'll know i tried.
     
  11. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    You missed a good chance to get her attracted to you. You should have said something like "I'd love to dance with you! But I just gotta go speak with my friend over there, I'll come get you in a second and we'll dance". You didn't mess up by dancing with her, but you allowed her to take the lead. Could have been better.

    Again, you're letting her lead. Let HER go sit down and watch you dance with other ladies.

    Cringe. Repeat after me "Buy you a drink? Oh, is it your birthday? Me too! I'm turning 21 again." or some other BS. This was a screwup, as you are supplicating.

    This is where it absolutely died. If a girl told me where she wanted to go I would likely start to chuckle. She is taking the lead again, and you let her.

    You might have saved your case if you had just smirked and kissed her anyway, but after this she was thinking "Duurrrrrrrrrr :greddy:"

    She was likely still feeling good about having fun at the party and you just happened to be associated to those feelings.

    You are communicating needyness. Take the hint. If she was really attracted to you... I mean REALLY, she would call you the minute she got back home ON THE NIGHT OF THE PARTY. If you are occupying her mind due to generating a lot of attraction, she wouldn't miss your call for the world.

    Yes, what the fuck! She doesn't owe you anything... she gave you the chance to meet her by approaching YOU. She did ALL the work and you fucked it up. You could have had NO GAME at all, and a bit of balls and be going on a date this week.

    Needy. Do you date a lot? I'm guessing no. Want to fix it? Go spend your saturday on the town and just walk up to cute girls and say:

    "Hey, I just noticed you and wanted to come over and see what you are like."
    *wait for response, tease her no matter WHAT she says*
    "Anyway, I gotta run... here, write down your email"
    (credit Dave D)

    Now you have 10+ numbers to follow up on. If one girl flakes, WHO CARES? You have 9 more to date that week. If 10 flake, go meet 10 more.
     
  12. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    I think everyone has pretty much covered it, and I'm going to agree with bandwagon. Here's my own take on it, a little different...

    She's taking the lead, already relegating you to a position of not making decisions. I would bet she was giving you signals to come ask her to dance.

    Don't buy drinks for women who you are not already involved with, intimate with, etc., unless you are getting something out of it. No, talking to her or being in her presence is not "getting something out of it."

    Again she is taking the lead. How about you ask her first next time? ;)

    Ah, now you offer her a free dinner. This is like the drink concept. How about next time offer to "Go on a date, say Starbucks, so we can get to know each other a little better." Buying dinner = "I must buy you gifts to be with me." Buying a cheap coffee = "You have to get to know me before I start giving you anything."

    Next time how about say "Okay, so we're dating now, I get it!" :mamoru: But really, that was a little too quick, she probably thought you just wanted to hook up. See, the whole concept is to control yourself and hold back until SHE wants you. Go on that date, flirt with her, tease her, see if you have a connection after you've really gotten to know her a little bit. Don't talk about serious stuff, don't be boring, don't be passive, don't be predictable.

    And don't just try to kiss her out of nowhere, TEASE her about it. You could have leaned in like you were going to kiss her, wait a second, and then pull back. Say something clever/funny like "I bet you thought you'd get to kiss me there, huh?" and provoke some conversation from her. Make her want you.

    Don't throw yourself at her, basically. You need to go on that date and at the end of the date THEN you try and kiss her, and see what reaction you get. Her reaction was "Please don't ever kiss me again." No matter what she said, her actions said "Bad move." Pay attention to that. If she liked you, she would have jumped you, but you went too quick for her. :(

    Yes it was until you called to confirm. Needy and desperate. Don't do that again.

    Call once, leave a message. You called 6 times? You blew all chances right there. I mean, come on, if someone called YOU 6 times don't you think you'd be annoyed?

    You blew it right from the start, in my opnion. Buying her stuff. Letting her lead instead of asking her out and making the decisions. You acted like the girl in the situation and she had to be the guy and ask you out. What woman says "Oh, I met this great guy, and I had to ask him out, and I had to make plans, and I had to clue him in, and then I hoped he'd call me 6 times!" :sadwavey:

    You have to flip that around. Take a little control. Ask her to dance. Ask her on a date. You decide where and when. Call her once and leave a VERY short message ("Hey, it's me, call me back. 555-555-5555.") and if she doesn't call then toss her number.

    So, basically, listen to these other guys here, and listen to what her ACTIONS are saying. She's not calling because you made a series of mistakes. Now go tackle them, one by one, and don't do it again. :)
     
  13. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    This is probably the most important word and concept in this whole post. Go read up on it, firgure it out, and realize what you were doing to supplicate yourself to her.

    Seriously.
     
  14. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    :thunks head against the walll....

    I'm out.
     
  15. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    It is the man's duty to invite the woman on the date. This is active, a masculine trait. To be asked is passive, a feminine trait.

    Not sure what you are getting at here. My point is, she was the leader and he was the follower. Which can actually work sometimes, but its certainly not the way to begin a relationship unless you enjoy your woman having your nutsack in her purse. Next he'll be asking her permission to spend time with his friends.

    I have a lot of experience in this area, and I can tell you that what tone you set in the beginning of a relationship is crucial to your happiness down the road with that same woman. I have made many, many mistakes in this regard. My current relationship is the only one in which I have consciously led and set the tone from the beginning and this is my best relationship by far.

    As far as the alpha male thing, that's not a concept I push. Search for my posts and you won't see the word alpha very much, if at all. That doesn't mean I disagree with some of the posts that steer in that direction. Some men need to become more like the alpha male to succeed with women. Other men, such as myself, only had to learn to quit being "nice" and "submissive" to women. Since we already exhibit alpha traits in other areas of our lives, its merely a matter of overcoming our social conditioning that has taught us to be overly accomodating and nice to women (putting them on a pedestal). In my opinion, most of the alpha male stuff is better suited for shy guys who let themselves get pushed around in life (no offense intended to anyone).

    This leads me to a point I've been wanting to cover: There are few hard and fast rules for succeeding with women. What you need to do is take an honest, introspective look at yourself and figure out what are your strengths and what are your weaknesses. Use your strengths to your greatest advantage. Work on overcoming your weaknesses. Then learn as much as you can about the psychology of women and what motivates them to do what they do. And also the more you can learn about why you do the things you do, the better. We can help point you in the right direction, but at the end of the day its on YOU to make changes in your life, or just take what comes your way like I used to.

    And trust me, as you age it gets more difficult. The things women will tolerate and respond to change as they get older. An attractive guy with no clue who is submissive to women (like I used to be) can still succeed at a young age (like I used to) because the women aren't as sophisticated. The problem arises in the mid-20's when you find that even if you manage to get a date, it never goes anywhere. Or worse yet you marry one of those girls you submitted to (like I did) and she uses you up for her own purposes then discards you when she is done (been there).

    Every situation I address on this message board, I have been in. Every failure with women you have experienced, I have experienced. I am here to help, not to make you feel bad or like a loser for failing.

    Learn how to read signs of a woman's interest. Not being able to get the details worked out = low interest. Period, end of sentence, no need for further discussion.

    Won't take your calls = low interest

    Won't return your voicemails = low interest

    Won't make herself available = low interest

    Won't give her phone number but takes yours = low interest

    flakes out in general = low interest

    To finish, I agree with pretty much everything that has been posted above me. Those guys are more skilled than me in a lot of those areas as far as tactics and what to do when. I'm more interested in the overall philosophy than the details.
     
  16. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    That's why I don't buy drinks for girls.
     

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