SRS WTF do I do?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by verbal, Jan 6, 2009.

  1. verbal

    verbal Active Member

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    I'm sure some of you remember my story. For those that don't...

    My girl and I broke up just after Thanksgiving. We were together 3.5 years and have a 21 month old daughter. I wanted to see my daughter on Christmas morning, so I talked her mom into staying until after the holidays.

    Now that the holidays are over, I'm ready to get on with life and get her out of the house. It's unfortunate that my daughter will be going with her. Before anyone decides to give me their thoughts our lecture me about doing what's right for the kid, save your breath. I'm going to do everything I can for my daughter and be in her life. Sorry if I sound like an asshole, but it seems like people on OT assume and feel the need to get an attitude about this kind of thing. Anyway...

    So now I have this delimma. I talked to her about when she's moving out. There is a house for sale next door to her mother's and a family friend is buying it to get the land. He plans on renting the place out to my ex and her sister. They're still in negotiating status with the house, so things won't be finalized for at least a month. I DO NOT want to live with her that long. Technically she'll only be there for three weeks and she's going on a cruise for one. That doesn't really matter though. I just don't want her there anymore.

    She said if I want her out now, she'll move to her mothers this week. Sounds great to me! But my delimma lies with my daughter. If I tell her to move this week, I feel like I'd be kicking my daughter out too. Add to the fact that her mother's house isn't the greatest environment for my daughter to live. They have all wood floors-- only one room is carpeted. They have four dogs-- two labs and two maltese. The dogs are great and would never harm her, but just the fact that they are there. The house isn't exactly baby proofed and my ex made mention of that. I feel that's a bullshit excuse-- the house will have to be baby proofed eventually, especially since her mom will be watching our daughter often very soon.

    I just don't know what to do here. I want my ex gone ASAP just to get on with my life and into the schedule where I'll see my daughter. I also feel that she's kinda taking advantage of the situation by staying with me and I want her to see exactly how things are going to be from now on. On the other hand, I feel like shit since my daughter will be going to. I have to think about her well being. I know being at her grandmothers for a few weeks isn't going to harm her, but it's a big difference from where she's at now.
     
  2. verbal

    verbal Active Member

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    So a few minutes after that conversation, she txts me that she's moving tomorrow.

    Now it's turned into this huge fight about other things that don't really matter now. And I've realized even more how crazy she is. She's just thinking about herself and how she thinks things are. She's convincing herself that some things are a certain way-- like how much money she spends on our daughter, when I give her money whenever she asks. There have been numerous times that she's been gone for two full days and it's ok-- I don't complain about it at all. But I go out one night after work and she talks like I'm the worst person in the world. I don't fucking understand this.

    When she's gone for a day or two on weekends, I have our daughter. There have been a few times that I've left her with my father for a couple hours (usually while she's napping) so I can get some stuff done. And I've gone out with a friend for dinner that I haven't seen in forever. Now she's throwing in my face that if I'm going to leave her with my dad on weekends (it's weekends to her, not just a few hours) then she's going to fight for full custody so she can get more money from me. The funny part is she usually works on weekends, so she won't even have her. WTF is wrong with her?

    I think I need to find a child custody lawyer. ASAP.
     
  3. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    You will be. Deal with it.

    So? I paid extra to have all wood in my house. There's less dust and it's easier to clean. Why is wood flooring "not the greatest environment"?

    So? You're saying they'd never harm her.....what's the problem?

    Then tell her mom to baby proof the house or she can't watch your daughter. In fact, offer to pay for the stuff to do it so she doesn't have any excuses.

    There's your problem. All the rest is just excuses. You're feeling guilty that you're kicking your daughter out.

    You and her mother split. You're going to need to learn to deal with the repercussions.
     
  4. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    You don't have one already?

    Yes, ASAP.
     
  5. verbal

    verbal Active Member

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    Would you like playing on a wood floor?

    I get that. And I'm prepared to deal with it. I'm not exactly sure how to explain it. And if you don't have a kid, you probably wouldn't understand the feeling anyway.
     
  6. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    your ex can go stay with her mom, your kid can stay with you
     
  7. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    I have two living rooms. One is carpet and one is wood. The kids spend 90% of their time on the wood.

    I have two and my wife and I are still married. But my brother lived with me during his divorce and for 6 months after so I saw a glimpse of your side. There's no way around it, in a sense you're abandoning your kid. It'll take a while to get used to but eventually you will.
     
  8. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    kids play anywhere. Hell, I remember when I was a kid, if I came across an unusual surface, I'd be MORE inclined to play on it.
     
  9. illectronic

    illectronic I'm Coming Home OT Supporter

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    IS that an Allen and Heath mixer in your av? I want one. :o
     
  10. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    hey, we found someone in sales........... "so you're going to kick your girlfriend and daughter out of th.............whoa, shiny!"



    :rolleyes:
     
  11. verbal

    verbal Active Member

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    In a sense, yes. But it's not like I can do anything about it. Courts side with the mother always, unless I can prove she's a crack whore and an unfit mother, which she isn't.

    Regardless, she's staying. But I just can't live with her bullshit anymore. She's fucking crazy and I just can't deal with it. This month is going to be hell.
     
  12. CorpseStreet

    CorpseStreet New Member

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    Why can't your daughter stay with you until your ex moves into her new place?
     
  13. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    no they don't. my brother got his kids. a co-worker got his kids. if you have a better reason than her you can get your kids.

    so tell her to go out with friends and you hang out with your daughter. hey, maybe you'll even get lucky and she'll do something like get arrested to help your case for why you deserve physical custody.
     
  14. CorpseStreet

    CorpseStreet New Member

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    I agree with 7960. You can get your daughter but it sounds like you're just looking for a reason to not bother trying.
     
  15. RachTyrTaiya

    RachTyrTaiya New Member

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    family court judges are adament about having both parents in the child's life equally...

    you don't have a child support order or a lawyer? bad deal. A lot of lawyers have free consultations and will actually print out the 'direct pay child support' paperwork for you. For free. That way when you do give her cash it's documented and signed by a damn notary.

    this could really spiral out of control if you guys don't stop being so petty . . . trust me.
     
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2009
  16. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    or looking for a reason to bitch nonstop about your ex. this is your new life. you will have to keep a civil relationship with her for the sake of your daughter. get used to it

    the fact that you have a house right now and your ex has nothing puts the courts on your side as they would want to put the child in a stable home environment.

    all this shit about never seeing her again is rediculous. if you want your child, fight for equal custody of her
     
  17. verbal

    verbal Active Member

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    I work 45-50 hours a week + around 2 hours of drive time. She works three days a week nights, two of those nights are weekends. If my daughter stayed with me she'd be with my father all day or in daycare, which I can't exactly afford right now.
     
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2009
  18. verbal

    verbal Active Member

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    What are you talking about?

    Please read the post above this one.
     
  19. verbal

    verbal Active Member

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    I'm bitching about her because she's fucking crazy. I've done nothing to cause any drama between us and she's picking ridiculous, hypocritical fights with me.

    I'm know about not seeing her is ridiculous, but it's the bullshit my ex is saying just to cause more drama. I've been nothing but civil and accommodating with her, but all she wants to do is be bitter and pick fights. Then I just stay ciivil with her through her trying to fight and it just makes her fight more.

    I'm not sure why you all think I'm being the bad guy here.
     
  20. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    i dont think you are being the bad guy at all. what your ex is doing is wrong, no question about that. the thing that is driving me crazy is how you just give up on getting your daughter. if you want her, fight for her. there are always ways to make things work. take it one step at a time

    step 1: kick out ex, but keep daughter there
    step 2: figure out a schedule of daycare for her while you are at work

    is it hard? hell yeah. is it impossible? not at all.

    just dont lay down and take it just because your ex is being a bitch and taking your daughter with her. dont assume that the courts would give her full rights. fight your ass off for that little girl, you know it will be worth it.
     
  21. CorpseStreet

    CorpseStreet New Member

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    Well, you are in a difficult position. It seems that you don't really have many choices. You are probably just going to have to deal with the situation as it is. I'm sure your daughter will be fine in her grandmother's house.
     
  22. verbal

    verbal Active Member

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    In order for her to get assistance from the state, she has to have her longer than I do, which I get. Plus, if I had her equally there would be times where she's in daycare. Why would I take her from her mother just to have to leave her in daycare a couple days a week? And spend money on it which would be better going to other things.

    She's staying at my house until she figures out a place. The next month is going to be complete hell, but I'll manage.
     
  23. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    you asked what you should do, we gave you advice.
     
  24. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    maybe because in your first post you said "her mother's house isn't the greatest environment for my daughter to live"?
     
  25. 2500

    2500 Guest

    Where are your parents? If the kid is gonna get stuck with parents or day care anyways, are your parents an option?
     

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