Wow, I just found out that my girlfriend cheated on me for 3 months back in 2006. :(

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by EliteBC, Jan 12, 2008.

  1. EliteBC

    EliteBC New Member

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    We've been together for over 2 years now. She's pregnant with our baby, we live together and have a very good relationship. We were dating for somewhere between 3-5 months before the cheating happend. She said the guy was someone she met over the internet and lives 30 minutes away from us. He would come pick her up and they would make out, she would suck his dick, he would finger her, etc. But she said there was never any sex.

    I've never done anything to hurt this girl. Ever. I've devoted my life to her. I don't feel like going into detail, but I've given so many things up just to be with her. I love her to death. I don't know what to do, or why she's telling me well over a year later. She said she stopped the cheating herself after the 3 months, and hasn't cheated since. I want to kick the living fuck out of this guy. She said he knew all about me, but didn't care.

    What should I do? I'm crushed. We're having a baby, I love her, she loves me (I think?)...I can't believe this. Do I kick his ass? Forgive and forget? :crying:
     
  2. Kdanzig

    Kdanzig Guest

  3. hungraa

    hungraa New Member

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    the fact that u have a kid complicates things. i would say stay with her but then again how do you know she wont be tempted to cheat again :dunno:
     
  4. EliteBC

    EliteBC New Member

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    What should I do?
     
  5. Mac Man

    Mac Man New Member

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    I wouldn't know WTF to do if that happened to me
     
  6. EliteBC

    EliteBC New Member

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    I would kill myself if she cheated again. I have literally given up everything to be with her.
     
  7. Kdanzig

    Kdanzig Guest

    That's really a tough question.

    I would tell you to break it off, but I'm sure it's harder said than done. Whatever you do, take care of that kid.
     
  8. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

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    It was 3-5 months into the relationship, I would assume your relationship has grown since then and she wanted to come clean about it.
     
  9. infinite97

    infinite97 I don't like plain water. It makes my stomach quea

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    whatever you do, don't mess with him. yes, he's a piece of shit for knowingly fooling around with someone in a relationship, but it was SHE who made the decision to cheat, not him.

    forget about him and fix it between the two of you.
     
  10. EliteBC

    EliteBC New Member

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    I'm in a complete meltdown right now. I'm just....I don't know what to do! I'm shaking so bad that I call hardly type, and I'm on the verge of tears. I almost lost my mom to this relationship. I gave up my dreams for her. I did lose my best friend to the relationship...I...what the fuck, I have NEVER done a single thing to hurt her. I take care of her, I write her letters and poems to wake up to in the morning, i make her breakfast, i take her shopping every weekend, i buy her new flowers and small gifts all the time! I just recently bought her a $7,000 engagement ring. i just dont get it. she's my life. i dont know how she could possibly do this to me
     
  11. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

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    How did she bring up the cheating? I mean, there's a reason she told you. She could have gotten away with it otherwise.
     
  12. EliteBC

    EliteBC New Member

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    We were just talking with each other like we always do, and she just hits me with it...
     
  13. infinite97

    infinite97 I don't like plain water. It makes my stomach quea

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    rough man :( I've never been in the situation, I can't tell you what to do...stay rational though. Talk to friends, family doctor, who ever you trust and is able to listen.
     
  14. Kdanzig

    Kdanzig Guest

    you should never give up anyone for an SO

    my best friend is the one that set me and my bf up and now they don't really get along and that bothers the hell out of me

    and don't do anything to him, he's not the problem. she is. i never understand why people want to hurt the other person when it was your SO that did the cheating
     
  15. EliteBC

    EliteBC New Member

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    Because he knew about me and didn't care. He could have rejected her, but he didn't.
     
  16. Kdanzig

    Kdanzig Guest

    but it's not his fault. she's the one that cheated on YOU. he didn't cheat on you
     
  17. EliteBC

    EliteBC New Member

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    I love her so fucking much man...she's my best friend. I can't imagine life without her, but I couldn't handle her cheating again. I'm in a lose-lose situation
     
  18. EliteBC

    EliteBC New Member

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    I'll give you a PM tomorrow (later today), Viper. Right now isn't a good time... I need(ed) to vent here
     
  19. Kdanzig

    Kdanzig Guest

    then stay friends with her

    one of my good friends (and fellow OTer) had his gf cheat on him a few months back, she didn't tell him, he found out from the gf of the guy she cheated with. they're still great friends, we hang out together all the time and they're perfectly ok with each other now
     
  20. EliteBC

    EliteBC New Member

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    Ummm... over 2 years and much of my life down the drain, when ive given her everything? please
     
  21. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Oh I know exactly how you feel. I had the same thing happen to me. You go through a lot of stages (nothing follows the stages of grief quite like being cheated on in a relationship).

    Your first stage is almost always denial. "How can this happen to me?" "I can't imagine my life without her?" "What the hell am I going to do now?" "Maybe we can work this out?" "Everybody is wrong, my situation is different." And a whole host of other shit goes through your head. You begin to convince yourself that everything will be ok if you stay with her because the truth is the pain of being alone is MUCH greater than the pain of staying with her knowing she betrayed you. But if you can somehow get inside your head and realize that short term intense pain (i.e. ripping a band-aid off as opposed to trying to peel it off) is so much better and easier in the long term.

    Then, whatever decision you make, you're going to face anger. Actually, denial and anger are almost simultaneous in a situation like this. You'll rock back and forth between the two for a long period of time. Go through phases where you absolutely hate her for what she did to you, but then reverting back to how much you love and care for her and that perhaps you can make this work. And you'll go back and forth, back and forth, and you're going to feel like you go crazy.

    Then you will face depression. The anger will fade. The denial will fade (how much it fades will depend on whether or not you stay with her). And then you'll be left with the pure sadness of the situation. You'll be down on yourself. You'll face low self-esteem. You'll hurt and cry. You'll feel listless and won't feel like doing anything. You may or may not actually hit rock bottom. In my case I did. I got to my lowest point and suicide was on my mind. At this point it's extremely important to remember that there is hope for you. There is a new life, a better life, and a better situation ahead of you if you just hold on. Just hold on. When life rocks you, if you just hold on it'll pass. And then, in the heart of your depression, actively pick yourself up and take another step.

    Once you move through depression, then comes the fun part. The bitterness. Applying what SHE did to you, to ALL women. Oh, it'll happen. In fact, I think that's where I'm at right now personally. The pain is almost completely gone at this point, but there is still the sting. And you might even have other women or other people push on that sting once in a while and make it hurt again. This is your best position and phase, though, because it's in this phase where you can begin to make real solid changes in your life if that is your desire.

    And finally, after what seems like an eternity you'll come to terms with it (so long as you are actively trying to deal with it. if you are NOT trying to deal with it and move forward, you'll stay in the first four phases for the rest of your life and rotate back and forth between them). This is the acceptance phase. The sign that you are completely healed.

    It's not an easy journey. But at some point you will be faced with it, you can bet your ass. Even if you stay with her, you'll face these things. The truth is, however, that it's going to be much harder to move forward through these phases if you are still WITH her.
     
  22. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    Make sure you get a paternity test
     
  23. Emmy

    Emmy Online Penis

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    I know it's easier said than done, but I think you should leave her as soon as possible. Like the other poster said, there's less pain involved in ripping a bandaid off as opposed to slowly pulling it off.

    You will never be able to trust her again.

    What strikes me is that she found this guy on the internet... It's not like something happened when she was drunk or whatever. It was pre-meditated. She had more than enough time to think about it and know what she was doing, how it would hurt you, the relationship, etc. And it continued for three months... I mean, wow, she must have felt SO guilty to let it go on for that long.

    Get rid of her.
     
  24. Ari1979

    Ari1979 New Member

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    That is seriously fucked up and under no circumstances should you stay with this bitch.

    SHE SUCKED ANOTHER MAN'S DICK FOR 3 MONTHS.

    Walk away.
     
  25. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

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    Honestly, I don't see it as absolutely necessary to break up with her. The cheating happened at a point of the relationship where you still hadn't gotten to know each other fully...you were only three months in. It's obvious that she chose you in the end. If all else is great then I don't see why you have to split. The only problem I see is possible trust issues. But it isn't my relationship, so do what's best for you.

    Tense spot to be in, I feel for you. =(
     

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