SRS Wow, I am a shitty person, BRB professional help.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Sieg, Mar 18, 2010.

  1. Sieg

    Sieg ★★Major League Door Kicker★★

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    I posted earlier in a thread in OT, about things that make you feel guilt and it somewhat opened up a floodgate of shit. Just a bit of background of what has made me, what I am.

    When I was 7, we moved from Ohio to Tennessee because of my dad's job. I never really did well with the move because I had to leave my mom's side of the family behind.

    Once I got here, I found out that we had moved from the city, to a 300 acre farm, with no neighbors. I was considered "weird" because I was a redhead, my name was "Richie", and I generally got teased a lot.

    So I spent all my time at home, watching TV and by the time I was 14 I weighed around 250lbs. This lead to me being teased even more, and me becoming even more of a shut in.

    It was around this time that my sister and I began to really hate each other. I had always been jealous that she got so much more leniency from my parents, and got everything she ever asked for. I remember one night telling her that i wanted her to die and go away, so that I could be in the spotlight once. My sister adored me at that point and I threw it all away because of my jealousy. To this day, we barely talk and we still hate each other.

    When i was 16-17, coincidentally, I joined OT and I really started to mimic E-thugging IRL. I because a huge asshole to everyone I knew and this actually got the attention of girls. I guess it was at this time, I really changed. I became violent, aggressive in every aspect of my life, verbally abusive to people I didn't even know.

    When I left for college, I quit both of my jobs and relied on my parents to pay my rent, groceries, EVERYTHING. My parents never told me that I was bankrupting them, and they ended up losing the house because of me. I still blame myself for all of this, and I dont think it will ever change.

    After losing the house, my parents and I moved in with my grandparents. Me being selfish was pissed that everyone got a bedroom and I had to sleep on a cot in the living room. I went on a trip with my GF of 5 years and when I got home, my mom told us that she had cancer. I didn't even cry, I just said "okay" while my GF sat in tears. I still feel like it is my fault.

    This is just the tip of the iceberg, but I really feel like I needed to get a lot of this off my chest. After talking to a couple of people on OT today, I really think that I need to find professional help for myself. I've got a lot of serious problems, and I dont think that I am in the right state of mind.

    My GF has threated to leave me multiple times because of me being angry and aggressive all the time. My family has shunned me for it. I fucking have noone anymore. Even when the GF is over, I feel like I don't even connect with her.
     
  2. Sieg

    Sieg ★★Major League Door Kicker★★

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    also, it is an insanely huge step for me to even be talking about this. I have always bottled everything up inside of me, and I am just tired of constantly feeling like shit.
     
  3. john law

    john law Guest

    Just like I told somebody else in OT, the man in the mirror is the cause and solution to all of your problems.

    You have quite the path ahead of you and you deserve everything you have coming to you.
     
  4. Rellik

    Rellik New Member

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    wow even you have a gf
     
  5. TheManLouisianaFace

    TheManLouisianaFace and decide!

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    uhhh, this is your parent's fault, not yours. They can't tell their own kid to suck it up, live cheaper, get a job, or they'll cut you off? Bad parenting.
     
  6. macbook bro

    macbook bro Guest

    ..... its not rocket science bro
     
  7. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Move back to Ohio , get your own job+appartment, re-connect with your mothers side of the family, work out, do an education that brings you in a higher position in the job that you are doing.

    The advice that i got from a very rich person in this was that life is like a bus, if it goes to a place where you don't want to go, get out and get on a bus that takes you to a place where you do want to go in life.

    Clearly the move was a bad move but that isn't your fault,however you have to take effort to correct bad moves that impact your life regardless wether those moves were made by yourself or imposed onto you by others.

    But your case is clear, get the hell out of there. Crawl out of there back to ohio if you have to, let nothing stop you.
     
  8. macbook bro

    macbook bro Guest

    I STRONGLY recommend that you do not leave the Caymans in order to go to Ohio...
     
  9. Sieg

    Sieg ★★Major League Door Kicker★★

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    I saw my Dr and he put me on Prozac, which is making me actually feel quite a bit better.

    but i am still seeking professional help. looking for someone good around in the area.
     
  10. Muffin Man

    Muffin Man New Member

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    I'm not even gonna sugar coat this. Don't look for sympathy here, you sound like a piece of shit looking for someone to tell you that it's going to get better, and all that matters now is what you do and not what you've done. Well i'm not that person, and I hope you get every bad thing coming to you, cause obviously you are well deserving of it. Stop making excuses for all your issues and be a fucking man and accept all of your problems come from your own inability to accept them.
     

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