SRS Wow. After all these years.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by i killed tupac, Jan 4, 2009.

  1. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    So i was working on my car this morning and my sponsor calls me. Background, i have been clean over 9 years now, and he had a 18 months when i got clean. We are the same age, and we became friends right of the bat. I wandered off from program, didnt use but went nuts. And when i came back, he was still there, and became my sponsor (about 3 years ago).

    Well we had been meaning to go over my 5th step, but hadnt met up yet. He calls me this morning and says "i have to tell you that i am leaving NA. I can no longer sponsor you". I was kind of shocked and just said "...ok". He asked if we can still be friends. I said well, I hope that you dont...jump back into that lifestyle again..." He said "oh, no no, i'm not doing that. I'm not gonna lie, i've had a drink, but its not like im going to go back and start smoking crack or something crazy" And i thought instantly :wtc:

    I told him i dont have time at the moment to talk about it, since i had a disassembled dashboard in my lap and a hand full of screws.

    This really troubles me, and i want to say i didnt see it coming, but i kinda did. He got wrapped up with some born again's years ago, and they take the stance that there is no such thing as disease, it's just the devil. In a matter of 6 months, he tried to convert everyone, pulled his kids into christian school, went to church 3 times a week, made his wife host bible study, uh went to "school" as in "bible college" which they didnt have the money for, became a "pastor", got involved in all the nutty financial church schemes (which actually got him sued in the process and lost what little money he had). Then he lost his church people job, lost another job, in the process, his marriage fell apart (he went nuts, i mean telling us all about his spiritual gifts from the bible, etc, etc), his wife barely recognized him. We are talking a group that does the speaking in tongues thing, believes in Genesis literally, wife is supposed to be submissive, people who aren't saved are gonna burn in hell, power in christ, yada yada.

    :ugh:

    Guys i dont know what to do :( I stuggle with the idea of drinking sometimes too, but in the end, getting loaded is getting loaded you know? Even one can gives you a buzz. :wtc:

    Sick part is he's like telling me what to do, as far as getting a new sponsor and stuff, like in a friendly helpful way. Like he was, i dont know.

    I dont know.
     
  2. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    That sucks, man. I'm in recovery and I used to date this girl who had also been in recovery. She stopped going to meetings, but still stayed clean. Then she started drinking and we ended up breaking up. What a mess.

    I try not to judge the way others choose to live their lives, but I also put a lot of thought into who I associate with and I tend to keep people who are clean closer than those who aren't. Some people can use casually, but I am not one of those people. There have been times that I considered whether I might be or not, but frankly the potential for ruining my life, no matter how small it could be, still exists. And what would I really gain for putting myself at risk? Nothing as far as I can tell.

    Most important thing for you to do: Stay connected with people in recovery. Well that and don't use. ;)

    Getting a new sponsor is a good idea though and I would highly suggest doing it as soon as possible.
     
  3. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    Oh i will get a new sponsor, I have my home group tonight. We think maybe it was his wife's idea. He has tried everything to make the failed marriage work, from quiting smoking, to starting smoking again (so they have something to "do" together). It was her idea to join the church. Also, we all found out that she thought NA was stupid, she was going out to bars and stuff, and leaving him home. We suspect pressure combined with untreated depression took him out.
     
  4. ~stangzorized~

    ~stangzorized~ New Member

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    Just goes to show you that no matter how long you've been sober for, it doesn't ever go away.
     
  5. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    thats why i like the disease model so much. If a diabetic has been diabetic for 20 years, and he drinks a big coke with no insulin one day, he will still die, no matter how much he wishes he wasnt diabetic.
     
  6. Replicant

    Replicant New Member

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    I went through AA when I got my DUI last year. Tons of people called it a disease. It's just a belief like any other. Just do or believe whatever you have to in order to move ahead. :dunno:
     
  7. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    science is best left to scientists i say
     
  8. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    UPDATE:

    Turns out for months he had been telling his wife that he was going out at night meeting with sponsees....except his only sponsee was me, and we weren't meeting. Now, he has stolen all the alcohol in the house, and his wife is finding alcohol hidden all over the house, etc. So far, so fast :(
     
  9. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    Honestly? His behavior isn't that weird. You just described the religious beliefs of half the people in the town I grew up in. Not that I liked it, but they formed a stable society nonetheless. I think some people just need an excuse, any excuse, to get totally fucked-up and irrational from time to time, so they can stay sane the rest of the time; if not alcohol or drugs, then religion will do.

    I have no idea how being a substance abuser might mix with crazy religious shit, but if he wants to live "with his own kind", if it keeps him alive then why the hell not. At least church wears off in an hour.
     
  10. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    like attracts like. and it isnt helping him.
     
  11. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    You know, that guy sounds like he's been drinking for quite awhile. Sounds like a lot of rationalizations and justifications. I hope he can find peace and relief.

    One thing to remember, if you believe in the whole higher power thing, is that it's your HP that got and kept you sober. Not your sponsor.

    If that doesn't help, then perhaps reflecting back on the early days of AA. I'm not sure about NA but in AA we didn't have the meeting structure we have today. Alcoholics would have to go many weeks between meetings. What kept them going? The principles of the program. When you continue to apply the principles in all your affairs, the program works....or at least for me it does.

    If I were in your shoes, I'm not sure I'd be able to maintain a close relationship with that guy. Not because I'm scared I would catch the desire to drink but because of all the other stuff going on with him. He sounds like his life is a real train wreck. He also sounds like he's headed for a really bad, dark place and doesn't really care or even see the destructive road he's on. I wouldn't just turn my back on the guy but I'm thinking it would be really difficult for me.

    Good luck and hang in there man. Just because he's relapsing doesn't mean you have to.
     
  12. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    Train wreck is right. Wife served him with divorce papers, house is "for sale" (right). The next time I see him will be at a meeting.

    I don't have an interest in being friends with him. In fact, he is now using with the other people (part of our group of us youngsters that have/had gotten clean around 1998-9) that had relapsed years ago. He had been hanging out with old friends in old places, and you are right, probably drinking much longer than any of us suspect.

    My take on recovery is that the program works. And the program is sponsorship, meetings, service work, and step work, not just one of those things. I already have a new sponsor, whom i have know as long as i have been clean.

    I am still very sad at my old sponsor's decision to use, and yes, it sounds like he is headed for a rough road ahead. Especially for his wife and three children...
     

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