Would you let your so dance in a strip club?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by TheGrudge, Mar 28, 2005.

  1. TheGrudge

    TheGrudge Guest

    I'm 24 and she's 21. We've known eachother for 10 years and have been married for 2. Our past is painfull... full of the many many times she cheated on me and one time that I cheated on her. For the past 2 years, things have been smooth and trustworthy between us both. I just wanted to give some info and background before going into this.

    For the longest time, she has talked about wanting to dance in a strip club. I have always told her no, and I have many reasons for that decision. About 3-4 weeks ago, she got a job at a cabaret. For those that don't know what that is, it's basicly a strip club where the dancers are fully nude. She's not a dancer though, she's just a waitress. I was against this as well as her mother, but her father on the other hand not only told her that it was her choice and there was nothing wrong with it, but that her body is her body and she could do what she wants with it. He told her that it was also ok to dance and not tell me... to lie to me about it. Obviously this extremely bothers me, but that's not what this post is about.

    So she took the job and has worked there for some time now. She keeps bringing up the issue of her dancing, and it's getting to the point now where she gets extremely pissed if she tries to change my mind, and I continue to say no. Even though she knows that it extremely bothers me that she's working there, and that she wants to dance... she keeps bringing it up and has even told me that someday she will. She even skirted around the idea of doing it at some point without me saying it's ok.

    I feel that there are some things in a relationship that someone can say no to. I'm not an overprotective asshole, but when it comes to intimacy and things that are private in a marrage, if one person doesn't feel comfortable with the other doing certain things (I.E. - dancing naked in front of strangers for money) then it's their right as a spouse to say no. She disagrees. She says that it's her body and I do not have the right to tell her she can't do something that she wants to do with her own body.

    Tell me your fealings on this, or feel free to ask questions to help understand my situation.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 29, 2005
  2. P7

    P7 You have something on your tongue, let me get that

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    1. She cheated on you many times, yet in the past 2 months (thats 8 weeks) she hasn't, and now you trust her again?

    2. Fuck. No. As far as I'm concerned, giving a guy a lap dance is cheating.
     
  3. TheGrudge

    TheGrudge Guest

    No no.. perhaps I didn't make myself clear. Maybe I said something wrong. It's been over 2 years sence she cheated on me. Actualy it's probably been over 3. We've been married for 1-2 years and things have been fine and I have no trust issues right now.

    I agree with you though. Giving a guy a lap dance is definatly cheating.
     
  4. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    Some people can seperate work and personal life. Like actors. They have to pretend to be in love with people on screen, kiss, hug etc.

    For me? There is no seperation. Doesn't matter if it is work or not my man better not be touching no one the way he touches me.

    I couldn't do it and she shouldn't be lying. :squint:
     
  5. two30v

    two30v New Member

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    um no :ugh:
     
  6. BTA

    BTA New Member

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    My logical side tells me its doesnt matter and at least she's bringing home some sweet cash.

    But then again I'm pretty sure I wouldnt be able to handle it mentally. I'd get too upset cause my mind would just wander off and think about her gringing on guys and shit and it just wouldnt be good.

    So, yeah I'm no help.
     
  7. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    No fucking way! :squint:
     
  8. Fabian

    Fabian Active Member

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    This doesn't sound good, dude. I have a cousin who works at a strip club. She's "only" a waitress. She has a boyfriend. She's still a slut.

    Cheating is inevitable....especially since it's been done before. I dunno man, but if I was you, I'd do something about it. And before anyone wants to chime in "You're just insecure blah blah", no, I'm using commom sense as well as past experience.

    Good luck, dude.
     
  9. timberwolf

    timberwolf New Member

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    Honestly?
    The acting analogy is pretty accurate. Halle Berry in Monster's Ball for example.

    I personally wouldn't have a problem with it. Though I can understand some being uncomfortable with it. There has to be total trust between the two of you in the first place.
    Of course this isn't the case here. This is compounded by the fact that she's cheated on you several times. That to me changes the situation altogether.

    I do agree with you that as her spouse you should have a say especially since she wasn't dancing when you first got together. In my opinion it would be different if she already was dancing. you would already have known what you were getting into.

    As it is, I think you're in a pretty bad situation.
     
  10. D

    D A guiltless state of self awareness.. The process

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    :werd:
     
  11. Ghostaz0r

    Ghostaz0r With my ego, I can stand there in a Speedo, and be

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    You have one fucked up marriage you got going there.
     
  12. JustaMeThang

    JustaMeThang New Member

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    Before I can offer advice, I need to know what her motive is. My opinion of the siutation wont change regardless of her answer, but your responses to her can vary. WHY does she want to dance so badly? Surely she must have a concrete answer to that question.
     
  13. TheGrudge

    TheGrudge Guest

    Yes. I talked to her about the fact that it might be different if it wasn't for our past. I also told her that if she was a dancer when we met, it would be different... but she says that's not fair.

    It is a bad situation. For the past 2 years we haven't had any issues when it comes to something one of us doesn't want the other to do. We aren't all super protective of eachother of anything, but we respect eachother's wishes because we're married. This is such a big deal to me and it seems like she feels it's no big deal at all.

    She comes home all the time and goes into these stories of all these things that happen at work and all this drama and shit. I'm interested because they are things that are happening in her life, but at the same time... I've been thinking of telling her to not talk to me about it anymore because it completely stresses me out to even think of her working there in the first place. It certainly doesn't help that I have anxiety and depression issues.

    Well the main reason she openly talks about is the fact that we have some major financial problems right now and it would get us alot of money. Deep down though, without her saying it, I feel as though there is a certain excitment for doing something so provocative and even "wrong". It's that excitment, anticipation, addrenaline... whatever... I think that drives her to want to do this. She has been a very faithful person to me, and yes I know for sure... but I think deep down, she has always been a flirty, teasing, seductive girl... so it's in her nature. Not to mention the fact that her mother (that she has barely had any contact with in her entire life) was a dancer when her father met her.
     
  14. JustaMeThang

    JustaMeThang New Member

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    OK, I mean this honestly, and not in a demeanin manner. Need cash? Get an office job, flip burgers, scoop ice cream, work at 7-11, there are plenty of jobs that arent degradin. To me, and I am only speakin for myself, there is no amt of money that is worth throwin away my self respect.

    Agreed, it must be the urge to do somethin dirty, exotic that fuels her fire. Here's an idea. Tell her if she wants to dance so badly to start by givin you and a group full of your male friends a private show. Tell them to bring singles with them and tell her to be ready to do what it is that shes dyin to do. Whats the difference bt that and doin it infront of a group of strangers minus you? Nothin. Same thrill, same dirty feelin, same tinge of immoral behavior to it. If she tells you no, I think you have her cornered. Bc then I think its strictly for exhibition and that does indeed open the door to a shit load of potential drama. Its not like you're degradin her or pimpin her out, this is what she wants to do, whats she bustin your chops to do, if she isnt already.
     
  15. Lad

    Lad Guest

    Like it has been said, judging by the way shes acting, she is already dancing. :dunno:
    You have a serious lack of trust in your relationship, even though there hasnt been issues, there is still trust issues.
    Once a cheater always a cheater.
    Stripping is for single women who want an easy out for money.
    Stripping = whoring since men are paying you for your body.
    You prolly love her to death, but anyone who wants to sell themselves out for money and is working at a full nude strip club, is probably willing to do more then just strip to get that money..... Just some thoughts I have had, and past experiences.
     
  16. D

    D A guiltless state of self awareness.. The process

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    No. It's a JOB. Just a job. Those who take it the extreme were likely to be that way anyways because people are simply who they are. If they're fucked up they were fucked up to begin with. A work situation is a circumstance.
     
  17. D

    D A guiltless state of self awareness.. The process

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    Why would you say stripping is easy?
     
  18. D

    D A guiltless state of self awareness.. The process

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    Address the rest of the post please.
     
  19. JustaMeThang

    JustaMeThang New Member

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    What do you mean when you say "A work situation is a circumstance"? And I dont ask that sarcastically either.
     
  20. D

    D A guiltless state of self awareness.. The process

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    We all know that there are women that are prostitutes. If there were no customers there would be no stripjoints, & no prostitutes in those joints trolling for guys. Many women are in that business supporting families. The circumstance is the environment they're in.
    They didn't create the job. They didn't create that atmosphere, or circumstance.
     
  21. Original

    Original OT Supporter

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    No.

    To me, I see it as satisfaction to them. Even though many say it is just a job, I would not let my woman "please" other men.. visually or physically. And the biggest problem I see, is that she clearly sees that it bothers you, and frankly doesn't give a shit :ugh:
     
  22. JustaMeThang

    JustaMeThang New Member

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    Understood, but no matter which angle you look at it from, I think its accurate to say that stripping, as a whole, is not considered a respectable career choice, regardless of said circumstance. And just for the record, D, I think you are still hot as hell :)
     
  23. Muricane

    Muricane Active Member

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    I didn't read your attempt at justifying it, but no fucking way.
     
  24. D

    D A guiltless state of self awareness.. The process

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    Thankyou, JustaMeThang...
    Right, stripping isn't exactly a savory occupation. Many people "end up" there. Obviously there is large market for it.
    Not all of them are hookers, & many of them don't cheat. My point is that if they are going to be freaky they'll find an outlet for that one way or the other. It's a job, it won't change the woman she is at heart. If it seems to then those tendencies were already a part of her personality.
    People would rather blame the job. It's easier to generalize and lump all the women in that industry as whores. Truth is all people are different. No matter the situation.
     
  25. D

    D A guiltless state of self awareness.. The process

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    Cool, um just for the record I was arguing against the all strippers are whores aspect of this whole thing.
    If I had as many misgivings as TheGrudge, the guy who started the topic...
    I don't think it's a good idea in your current situation. I really feel for you about the money problems. That can kill a relationship. :sad2:
    Best wishes to you two. :hug:
     

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