SRS Would this constitue an abusive relationship?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by JBunni, Oct 23, 2009.

  1. JBunni

    JBunni New Member

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    If someone is living through the highlighted parts, would you agree/disagree that they are being abused?
     
  2. johan

    johan Active Member

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    why don't you describe your experience in your own words?

    Above, you've simply taken the boilerplate description. If you're going through this, then obviously by definition, it's abusive.

    But, why not tell it in your own words.
    That would offer more insight.
     
  3. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    I read the first bolded line and yes, it's abuse, You don't belittle and call your partner names it you love them and care for them. To do so is abuse
     
  4. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    I would agree
     
  5. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    regardless of whether or not it is abusive, it doesn't sound like a happy relationship for you, so why stay in it?
     
  6. JBunni

    JBunni New Member

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    Its not my fiance who treats me this way. He is kind and loving, and treats me with respect.
    This person isnt in a position of 'power' over me, but its still something I have to live with. At least for the two weeks until I get married. Its not so much of 'problem'. I just dont like people telling me I'm not being abused when they dont fully understand the situation, and when I can read an article about abuse and identify with so much of it.
     
  7. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    Tell your mum to leave you alone. Grow a pair
     
  8. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    dot

    jbunni, you dont have to let yourself be the victim. you have options to get away from the abuse
     
  9. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    So... you quote the criteria for abuse, highlight a few, and then ask if it's abuse?

    I think the better question is whether what you're living through qualifies as any of those bolded parts
     
  10. calisteph6

    calisteph6 Active Member

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    I dunno my little sister acts that exact way and I just call her a bitch and go on my merry way.

    I don't really care if her being a goddamn drama queen qualifies as me being "abused." Of course I don't live with her anymore either, but I feel bad for my mother.
     
  11. JBunni

    JBunni New Member

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    I'm not saying what I 'go through' is as bad a woman who's husband hits her. I realize people endure abuse far worse than this. But I dont think its fair to write me off becuase my abuser isnt my husband/boyfriend or parents.

    My sister is beyond a terror. And I have not had the option to leave until recently. Details? When we were young, my mother undermined my fathers authority, and neither had the time to properly disipline or instruct my sister. The only way should would behave at all, was threats of displine.

    After my parents divorced, she had NO disipline. She doesnt respect when my mother asks her to do anything. If she gets upset, she goes to stay with my dad. When he pisses her off enough, she comes home. No one tells her what to do. If they try, she says 'shut the fuck up, i do what I want'. She will scream and fight when things are not her way. You cannot talk to her, you cannot argue with her, the only thing you can do is give her her way, or she will make your life miserable.

    She is obnoxious, and rude. In an arugment she essentially sticks her fingers in her ears and goes 'la la la la la' until you quit talking. She calls you stupid, moron, how nobody cares about or wants you. This isnt sometimes, its all the time.

    When she doesnt have IMMEDIATE gratification for her whims, she becomes angry, screaming. If she gets upset enough she will physically attack. Hit, scratch, kick.

    SHES FUCKING 17 YEARS OLD!! She weighs 250 lbs, at 5' 6". Shes not exactly like a little kid who is just annoying.

    Again, when she doesnt get her way, everyone is miserable. My dad quit trying to disipline her, and so did my mother. When I tried to 'stand up' to her, its turns into a fight. She doesnt listen to or respect anyone. If anyone says anything against her, they must be wrong.

    Compared to her, you are nothing, your opinion does not matter. You are someone she can shove aside and step on. And what is to stop her? There is NO consequence for her actions.

    No arguement is ever resolved either. It eventually dies down. Within an hour, she doesnt care. So what if she frustrated someone to the point of a mental break. So what if SHE was frustrated to the point of a mental break. She'll just get a snack and go on with her fat ass life.

    When she is home, there is always tension in the house. She yells at and ABUSES my mother several times a day. Usually my mother just lets it go, and I shake my head in disgust and stay as far away as humanly possible from her. Is it no big deal that there is screaming and fighting in a house almost everyday?

    This was not a situation that I could just walk out of. I did not have any alternatives until recently. And I am moving out. I'm not looking for your sympathy. I'm just saying, dont act like this is nothing. I think if any of you were forced to live with this for 4 years, it would at least hurt you a little too.
     
  12. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    Guess what? Life sucks. Get a helmet. Sure she's abusive, but what's your point?
     
  13. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    It is impossible to go through life without encountering people who are abusive. You have to learn how to deal with those people sooner or later
     
  14. JBunni

    JBunni New Member

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    That is my point. She is abusive. And perhaps I need to know I'm not crazy in thinking that. Shes not just a bitch. And I dont like being told that. As if how she terroizes the house I live in, its just a minor inconvience.
     
  15. JBunni

    JBunni New Member

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    There is a difference in dealing with an abusive person you meet. Its another having to live with them looming over your life.
     
  16. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    every person who is being a bitch is being abusive. There are differing degrees of abusiveness
     
  17. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    you think so? So you don't think you'll ever work with a bitch and have to spend 8 hours a day with them?
     
  18. JBunni

    JBunni New Member

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    And any female being abusive could be defined as a bitch. However the phrase 'just a bitch' would be minimalizing the extent of her actions, the 'degree of her abusivness'. Sure, this isnt the most severe case, but it is certainly not the smallest either.
     
  19. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    It sounds to me like you're trying to elevate the situation by terming her as abusive
     
  20. JBunni

    JBunni New Member

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    Maybe it does make me feel better to have it defined.

    Also, yeah, there may be a person at work who is that way. But, I doubt it would get as bad as it is at home. Yes, I would have to deal with it. I like to deal with things by talking them out with someone who empathizes at least a little.
     
  21. JBunni

    JBunni New Member

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    I read elevate wrong.

    The point is I'M not elevating the sitution, thats what it is.
     
  22. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    I had a boss at work threaten to kill me once. He was on parole for murder.

    Don't believe that you couldn't possibly encounter worse at work
     
  23. JBunni

    JBunni New Member

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    I didnt say you it was impossible to encounter worse. I'm not saying this is the worst by far. I'm saying this is bad. I'm saying this isnt normal. This is more than just a 'disfunctional' family.
     
  24. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    my wife's sister got pretty bad shortly before our wedding.

    I'll tell you this much though: If you stand up to her instead of slinking away, it'll get better. At first it'll get much worse though
     
  25. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    oh, and no, it's not 'more' than a dysfunctional family. I wouldn't even term it dysfunctional at the moment
     

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