SRS worst thing i've done in my life

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by minhtos, Nov 13, 2008.

  1. minhtos

    minhtos OT Supporter

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    i've been with my gf (well ex now) for about 5 months... things were as perfect as can be. i can totally see myself... even marrying this girl.. in the future when everything was set. however.. 3 nights ago.. we were partying at a club.. and somehow i ended up kissing another girl. i don't know what to say.. i don't know why or how.. i agree i might have been slightly drunk but that's no excuse.

    i stayed with my gf till wednesday morning and although she was really upset.. we still were in each other's arm and all that. but she called me last night and i believe she ended it. Now, i don't want for that to happen. i know i messed up.. but nothing was premeditated. i had no ill intentions i just slipped up and made a really horrible judgement call. is there anything i can do to salvage this relationship?

    i take full responsibilities for my actions and i never hid or lied about anything. i just made a mistake.. but she says she can't look at me the same. and it hurts to know that i hurt her so badly. logically, i know there's a lot of fish in the sea and she tells me that. logically i know if i just move on... we'll be in our own worlds and i'm sure i can find another girl, but it hurts to know i failed when it came to her.

    i think i've said everything i could and i know for her to ever accept me again is a giant leap of faith and she would have to contradict everything logically. but i'm very :wtc: i just wanted to share this with OT. so ot, what can i do to win/convince her back? and what can i do to change to avoid this ever happening again?

    Ps: i dont plan on drinking again... and i'm being serious about it. gonna start looking for aa chapters in my area to at least do something about it.
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You were with her 5 months, she was only "marriage material" because everything in the first 5 months is fantastic. And in those 5 months even though she was perfect you kissed another girl. I'm glad you don't blame the alcohol because it's a horrible excuse.

    Let her go. Just because you would try everything in your power to get her to trust you she's made it very clear it is something she will never get over. Your relationship would NEVER be the same. She would never trust you and your relationship would fail eventually anyway.

    Don't you dare try to win her back. Leave her alone. Let her get over you without you contacting her and fucking with her emotions. Learn from it and go your own way.
     
  3. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    you cant change her mind, only she can

    you said you were sorry, you were honest immediately, thats all you can really do. if she cant look at you the same way because of it, nothing you do now will take that thought away

    live and learn
     
  4. minhtos

    minhtos OT Supporter

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    this is the logical side of me agreeing. but my emotional side right now is going haywire... yea i messed up and i deserve the consequences. but i don't want this to happen ever again. i think that part is equally deserving of some comment or advice. i'm willing to change and i'm not afraid of what I have to do or of what it takes.
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Then change, but on your own. Leave her out of it. She deserves to be happy.
     
  6. Dodger Blue

    Dodger Blue OT Supporter

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    Look at the positive on this scenario. You learned a valuable lesson and maybe it will keep you from making the mistake again.

    I've had girls do stuff to me that wasn't cheating but what they did put a sour taste in my mouth and I'd never be able to look at them again. I think sometimes thats the part that hurts the most because you'd almost like to go back with them but not being able to look at them the same hurts a lot and knowing you coulnd't go back with them because of that hurts as well
     
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2008
  7. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    Dude, if this is really the worst thing you've done your whole entire life then you're doing just fine :rofl: It was 5 months. That's barely time to get to know someone. Learn from this and move on. And leave her out of it. She deserves to be happy too.
     
  8. minhtos

    minhtos OT Supporter

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    fuck everyone for being right :hs: but no i agree. she deserves better.

    it was a perfect 5 months and the sad thing was there was nothing up to this point indicating or revealing that anything like what i did would happen. i think that was the sad part about all of this. i gotta do some soul searching and find out where i went wrong.
     
  9. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

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    5 months is an eye blink good luck though
     
  10. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    intention is irrelevant, and somethings just can't be undone.
    there is a decision for her to make in her life, between knowing you did it, and accepting you did it. those are two totally different things-and if she cannot do the latter, your relationship is doomed.

    best of luck
     
  11. Johnny Burners

    Johnny Burners Indeed...

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    Yeah, I'm just gonna go ahead and disagree with all these "popular" answers being leveled at you. The bottom line is, you made a mistake. There is truth to the fact that it has only been 5 months, but if this girl loves you then she can get past it.

    However, I believe that if she doesn't get past it, then she doesn't love you anymore, at least not the same way. And that's fine, it doesn't make her a bad person. Keep trying. Don't just forget about it and move on. Don't be a stalker, but sit her down and talk. Pour your heart out. Shit this was the girl you were going to marry, right? Go for it. You'll know when your efforts are useless, only then do I suggest you can this and move forward.
     
  12. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    You are going to need to be alone to fix your drinking problem anyway. Changing your drinking habits for some girl will never truly last. Do it because you know it's the right thing to do, not because you did something stupid and fucked up a great relationship because of it.
     
  13. minhtos

    minhtos OT Supporter

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    right on. alcohol has been a bane and a detrimental part of my life. for people that have good control, i don't judge them if they drink. but for people like me, i don't think i can exhibit that kind of control at my level of maturity.

    also, i think i've used alcohol in ways to hide from my problems; to help grow and change, i need to stay away from the bottle to keep my mind clear and focused.
     
  14. minhtos

    minhtos OT Supporter

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    thanks for your advice and all the previous posters' advice.

    Here's an update so far: I do think she's forgiven me... but she's still very tentative and cautious (for good reason) because she wants reassurance that this won't happen again. I guess how she feels is that somewhat akin to speeding. People speed and eventually get caught. But most people will change their driving habits for a little while and eventually start speeding again and get caught again.

    For me to address that, I need to realize that whatever change that occurs won't be just a change in behavior or actions. It will have to be a fundamental change in how I view relationships and my mentality on respect and on women in general. It made me realize that there were times that I put my desires before hers and that sometimes i was outright selfish. She told me to watch beyonce's - if i was a boy music video to catch a glimpse of how she felt.

    This i think will be the easier problem to fix because it's something i feel that i should address anyways. When I'm going through the day, a lot of times i tend to live on "auto-pilot". I just do things according to habit or whichever choice has the least resistance (less effort involved :mamoru:). But I feel that this marginalizes my experiences, and evicts me from the present moment. I need to live more in the moment and to make conscious decisions. Every motion/action i make has a consequence and i need to be fully aware of that. I need to understand and take responsibility of every word and every step i make. It might seem that living like this would make me feel limited and trapped but i feel that instead, it would free me and allow me to access and tackle the present.

    some of these thoughts and solutions come from "Ekhart Tolle - The Power Of Now". It's very amazing and i'm using it to supplement my life.

    i feel that this is only half the solution. i'll post my thoughts on the second solution (and it addresses a deeper problem imo) in a later post.
     
  15. rebs

    rebs shares AIDS OT Supporter

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    while i agree, persistence can show sincerity
     
  16. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You have to fix yourself before she comes in the picture, and you aren't going to fix youself in a few weeks.
     
  17. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    it can also cause more harm than good. if i told a bf who cheated on me that i didnt want to be with him and he still called me all the time, it wouldnt change my mind in a positive way, it would change it in a negative way.

    if he said he was sorry etc, then he has said all he can. she needs to figure it out on her own, without him harassing her. she is the only person that can change her mind
     
  18. PanasonicYouth

    PanasonicYouth New Member

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    I'm in total agreement. Yeah, you made a mistake, a mistake that 22% of men in monogamous relationships (excluding marriage) make apparently.
     
  19. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    You made a mistake, you've taken responsibility and you were honest in your repentance.

    That counts for a lot. Don't be surprised if something good comes out of this mistake, don't be surprised if she comes back after the initial shock wears off.

    If she doesn't come back, your response to reconciling this act will probably come back to you in a positive way.

    Do you have difficult "not" drinking? Can you live without picking up? Have you had events in the past that have decreased your quality of life as a consequence of your drinking alcohol?
     

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