SRS Worst mistake of my life

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Romulus Cogswell, Jan 9, 2007.

  1. Romulus Cogswell

    Romulus Cogswell New Member

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    This is a long one so please bear with me.

    2 years ago, I met someone very special to me but at that time she was married but it was ending soon. We started a relationship and within months she became pregnant. The husband dragged the divorce on for a year and a half just to make our lives hell and he thought it surely would run me off. It didnt and nothing could make me leave her.

    I was deeply in love and knew I was to be having a child with this woman. However as time went on I began to wonder if she had been honest with me and if this child really was mine. 9 months go by and we have a healthy baby boy. Something did not feel right so I had a paternity test done and sadly, he was not mine, but the husbands. After weeks of fighting myself I chose to stay with her and raise him as my own. Fast forward through all of 2006 and we have the husband harrassing me and my g/f through text messages (he wanted us apart but never wanted anything to do with the child) and she repeatedly expressed her hatred for him and she was glad to wipe the slate clean after a rough 10 years with him.

    We move in together early 2006 and are seemingly having a great year together. Out of the blue, she moved out of our home in November while I was at work but only moved 5 blocks away. She claims our one bedroom was too small and she needed her space. She did not work so she ran to her ex to pay the rent. Odd, very very odd.

    I am invited over and again I begin to pick up the pieces with her. I spend christmas day with her and she gave me a key to her place and said she hoped I'd be moving in soon. 2 days later she tells me our son's biological father will be at our son's bday party and Im not to be there. Keep in mind everything was looking up for us again. His bday comes and goes and I hear nothing and I do not get to see him. I then find out over that weekend she moved her ex husband in. I then head into a downward spiral of anxiety attacks, rage, and I am out of control. She gives me no answers and is downright hateful towards me. One week ago everything was great! Tonight I flipped and had to have answers and went over and she greeted me in the yard being cold as ice to me. It became a war of words and out of nowhere I slapped her and did it hard. I immediately felt the worst I had in my life. This was not me and I felt like I had lost my mind. I hit her, the woman I am in love with. In one week she went from wanting to marry me to hating me and not giving me answers. I cannot handle not knowing what changed her mind so fast. I worry that she was always in love with the ex but what was I for this wonderful year? I am so confused and so devastated at the loss that I never thought would be. I've lost what I consider to be my son and someone who I felt was a soulmate.

    I saw a doctor today and he put me on an anti-depressant and has recommended counseling. Too little too late for me I think. I've gone over the deep end.
     
  2. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    man read my thread and that other guys.

    we both have been cheated on, and it FUCKING SUCKS.

    but stick it out. if you feel like you are gonna flip, phone the cops or ambulance and tell them to get down there you feel suicidal.

    even if it feels wierd to be in the hospital, you wont hurt yourself.

    you will find love again,

    i know this feels like the crushing blow that never goes away,

    i felt it, it hurts, i am honest with you, i sympathese with you, i was hurt like you. hurt bad.

    you were gonna do a lot of good for her, and you are a good man.

    think of the future after you find the light again. it is gonna hurt for a while man and no one is denying that.

    just stay with us
     
  3. IAmAPaperTiger

    IAmAPaperTiger Light the world on fire just to watch it burn OT Supporter

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    you will hear this countless times and i know advice like this is always easier said than done...but you really have to look at it in a positive way: look at the things shes done to you and her ex husband. dont put the blame on him because most likely shes the manipulative one and has probably been stringing you both along for quite a while now (been in that situation) those girls/women are BITCHES. look how she just ran to him to pay for her new place but then she runs to you because she doesnt like being around him. maybe she just made the decision to move him in for financial reasons. bitches only think of themselves and it shows in their selfish actions. pretty much everything you said shes done is selfish, amirite? aside from the times that shes sweet and says things to get what she wants. you gotta learn to think about your own feelings and put them before other peoples. its tough but its the only way.
     
  4. Cronin

    Cronin New Member

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    Everybody has the ability to be a manipulative SOB and it's not pretty.

    I know.

    And I'm sorry.
     
  5. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    I think your worst mistake in life would be continuing to chase after her instead of shutting the door on this unfortunate part of your life. As much as it hurts, she's not the love of your life - not because you don't love her, but because she doesn't love you. Girls who love their men don't treat them the way she's treating you, it's as simple as that. Listen to her actions, not to her words.
     
  6. johan

    johan Active Member

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    don't compound matters by dragging this out further.
    Reclaim your life by putting this behind you...fast.

    I'm sorry to say but often the hard factors overrule the soft.
    Biology overrules feelings. That other guy rightfully should be in his own kid's life. Sad that she can't manage to coparent/juggle this...but its a hard one, even for the really wise.

    And this girl....well, I'm sorry for that too, but she's in WAY over her head, she has not the first idea how to manage a co-parenting situation, nor does it seem like she's interested in trying.

    Best to leave it all behind you.


    I'm sorry for the time you feel wasted, but nothing is wasted if you can learn from your past. And we all have a past of some kind.
    Learn from yours. And move on.

    It gets better...starting...NOW. If you let it.
    Stick with counselling. Best move you EVER made. Trust it.
     
  7. urbanlegend

    urbanlegend One Love

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    I hate to say it like the others, but you need to start fresh and get away from the situation as stated above. :hug:
     
  8. Romulus Cogswell

    Romulus Cogswell New Member

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    Thank you all and I am trying to let it go, but she is in every thought I have. I've bombarded myself with the millions of questions that I have and I know I will never get answers. Only time can heal but this will be the biggest struggle of my life.
     
  9. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Aww man...this just sux. I'm sorry to hear your ex was soo cold and careless with your feelings and emotions. It's too bad people can be so cruel to those they supposedly care about.

    However, all is not lost...this too shall pass. I would suggest counseling and it's not too late. I don't think you will ever be able to salvage a relationship with this woman and I'm not sure that is a bad thing. She seems to enjoy playing with peoples emotions and was very uncaring towards you. Nothing you can do can change that. It's best to just accept it and move on....even if it's very difficult to do. That's why counseling is soo important.

    If I were in your situation, I would put as much distance between me and that woman as I could. And I know you feel like that child is yours but it isn't...you may still care about him/her but unfortunatly you are an outside party right now. So not only do you have to grieve the loss of your loving relationship you have to grieve the loss of a child you had come to love. Again....this is why counseling is important.

    I hope you feel better soon and can move on with your life....even if you have to take baby steps for awhile. It will get easier and you the pain will subside. Hang in there....this too shall pass. :hug:
     
  10. Vixxen

    Vixxen New Member

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    :hugot: i am so sorry. hang in there.
     
  11. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    Real talk!
     
  12. ZippytheClown

    ZippytheClown New Member

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    She has some definite commitment issues; she is so insecure she has let it affect her relationship with men to the bone. I wouldn't doubt that she comes from a bad home herself (maybe daddy issues?) The big problem is you’re a victim of those issues as well as every man in her life thus mentioned, including her son.
    The truth is she is with the father of her child right now and it may be the best for them all. First, she has someone to dump on, secondly, he is getting what he desires (even though it seems that it she will ruin him in the end) and the boy has his biological father and mother together. Though you loved the boy as your own you can sleep well knowing that the boy is with someone that loves him and hopefully will turnout unaffected by this drama around him.
    The best way to get over her is like every other addiction, replace it with another. The good news is the replacement in this respect will be far better for you. Hang in there dude, it gets better, far, far, better.
     
  13. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    Life is full of replacements!
     
  14. bongbong

    bongbong Guest

    To me it sounds like maybe she is the one with problems and should seek counceling, maybe she is borderline or some other hard to tell-disorder personality. Just run away fast and as someone said, replace her with something else, pickup bodybuilding/fitness, other girls just for fun, WoW or whatever.
     
  15. Akumasun

    Akumasun Follow the Light.

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    :hug: Just take one step at a time man. It may seem hard but just move on step by step and replace her with something else.
     
  16. huskerfoos

    huskerfoos New Member

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    Just look at it this way, she could always get you to pay child support for his kid, since you supported it in the 1st place. How woud you feel then?
     

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