Worst fear in a Relationship...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Guz200sx, Feb 20, 2007.

  1. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    Mine is To Become like my parents.
    I don't know about everyone else but thats my worst fear.

    I don't know about everyone else's parents...But Only mine and I remember when I was younger always thinking I don't want to become like them when I'm married where they bicker about every little thing from driving to cleaning.

    Even though, I respect and love my father, I don't want to become like him where he never buys my mother a gift not even for her birthday or treats her to dinner or anything like that. I know he doesn't have a romantic side to him.
    Until recently, has he helped my mother take care of the house such as cleaning and doing other things around the house.

    He's also given my mother full control of the relationship...She basically runs everything and thinks everything up that they should do. He's run by my mother from the financial POV to everything else.
    My mother is a great woman and very strong and she's been through so much in her life and I love her to death but I don't want my wife to be like her where she nags and complains about everything from restaruant food to the weather.

    I've never seen them be romantic towards each other but I know in a weird way they love each other. Without each other, the other would be lost in this massive world. I think...the love, in their own weird way, is the only thing I do want from their relationship.
     
  2. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    my parents are pretty cool, and typically work well together. becoming the silent fat couple that i wait on every tues/wens scares me more.


    and maybe your moms control over finances is what keeps things together.
     
  3. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I'd love to be as happy as my parents (their story is pretty rare though by today's standards).

    My biggest fear is not being loved in return. Or being the one who cares more about the relationship if you will.

    Edit-it's a tie also with being cheated on again
     
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2007
  4. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

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    I saw the embodiment of my worst fear the other night while my bf and I were out to dinner....
    I looked to my right after we sat down and saw a man, around 40ish, sitting at a table with 3 or 4 bratty kids (they were all over the place, under the table, running around, etc). He had a bluetooth thingy in his ear and you could tell he was on a phone call, he was talking, but not looking at anyone, and definitly not paying attention to the kids. I motioned to him and told my bf, "If you end up like him, I'll kill ya"....
    He looked over to where the guy was sitting, and then said, "If you end up like her I'll kill ya" and then I looked a little behind me to see the bluetooth-guys wife (who I hadnt seen previously). She must have been 200+ lbs, and just staring at her plate, not looking at the kids, not at her husband, nothing. You could tell she was sad and had been in the habit for quite sometime of eating her feelings.
    I never want to be that couple that doesnt talk, hates each other so they escape to work, food, whatever.
    My parents are great, but whenever I see couples like the bluetooth-guy, I just feel sad for them and scared I'm going to end up like that.
     
  5. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    things like this are why i dont like marriage.


    keep the interest level high, and the risk real... and the back door open.
     
  6. ArthurPewty

    ArthurPewty New Member

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    I try to see the positive things in my parent's relationships (they are divorced, my father remarried), but also the parts that seem negative to me. Same to how I see them as individuals. There are things that my folks do that bug, but there are many very virtuous things that they do, which still serves as an example to me.

    In the relationships I've been in, I try to assess how things are going from time to time, and attempt to bring up issues with my girlfriend or make changes in myself in order to improve things. I've also done a lot of examining of the emotional and behavioral patterns in my family of origin to help me gain insight into my reactions.


    I wouldn't say that it is marriage per se, but one's priorities and whether they actually relate to family members or just say to themselves "well, I have a family" believe that part of their life is settled and they don't need to attend to it anymore.


    I don't see how anal would necessarily improve anything.
     
  7. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    A good night of anal sex fixes anything ;) :mamoru:
     
  8. ArthurPewty

    ArthurPewty New Member

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    Not a case of hemroids.
     
  9. The Secretary

    The Secretary My domestic skills will rock your socks off!

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    I :rofl:

    On topic: being complacent and becoming stagnant in a relationship.
     
  10. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Alright, ALMOST anything :wiggle:
     
  11. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    I don't want to end up like my parents - just sort of cohabitating and arguing a lot.

    I'd love for my relationship to end up like the fiance's parents' marriage - they've been together 23 years, and are still very much in love (and married each other only a month after knowing each other! - and she was a military wife for quite a few years after that!). I saw cute cards they sent one another when the father was overseas in the Navy on an anniversary. Sure they have the occasional argument over something stupid, but they always work it out instead of going to bed pissed or ignoring each other all day.
     
  12. fluentinsilence

    fluentinsilence New Member

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    I'll never turn out to be like my 'rents. First of all, one of them is not my biological parent, so nothing inherited there. Second, our viewpoints and perspectives are so opposite, it isn't likely.

    My worst fear is her taking everything I have without my knowledge (despite my best efforts).
     
  13. LongDongWong

    LongDongWong U can call me Mr.Wong

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    fear of getting dumped? dunno......do you believe in....if your in a relationship and if you always worry about getting dumped then it will eventually happen because your sending negative vibes of getting dumped? therefore you actually get dumped. whereas if you were positive then you sent out positive vibes resulting in a long lasting committed relationship. Would this also apply to life in general?
     
  14. anomalous

    anomalous New Member

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    That it can change me for the worse and break me down, like the wife of the blue-tooth guy Elphaba mentioned, a girl I know who is forced to change and be molded into the guy's ideal thing, or a girl who creates an illusion of the relationship thinking that it's better than being alone.


    Edit:
    That or if the relationship only enforces the idea that love isn't really around anymore.
     
  15. Dorn

    Dorn New Member

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    My biggest fear was being like my dad. Letting outside things affect my relationship to the point where I got mad at my s/o for the little things, and blew them out of proportion because of things happening in my life.

    I've been doing just that for the past five months now. My ex broke up with me in September because she was seeing it start to develop. I got it under control for a little bit, then it reared its ugly head again. I got it under control a bit, and now it's back and bigger than ever. This has all happened with my ex when we were close to being back together. I think I've lost her forever now.
     
  16. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    Thats a good question....I guess if the girl/guy knows or sees that your always negative and always asking questions about the relationship then maybe she'll see what your thinking....its kind of like if you suspect your girl/guy of always cheating then maybe they will end up cheating.

    I guess you just have to go with the flow and it is what it is. Don't worry about it too much (yea i know. much easier said then done)
     
  17. VashTheStampede

    VashTheStampede New Member

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    I think my worst fear is not marrying the woman that I fell in love with. I wouldn't want her to change who she is after getting married, I'd rather love her for who she is, both the positive and negative things about her. I don't want to lose the attraction that initially brought us together. This is why when I'm in a serious relationship, I try to let her into all the aspects of my life, because I wouldn't want her to one day see something that she ends up disliking about me.

    That, and I wouldn't want the marrige to turn into a one sidded affair, where things aren't 50/50 between us.
     
  18. ArthurPewty

    ArthurPewty New Member

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    People continue to develop throughout life and also change in the face of significant events such as a job change, the arrival of children, death of parents. Not that people pull a 180, but one thing that can be difficult for people is expecting that their relationship will never be any different than when they first fell in love and then becoming frustrated or worried when it changes later on.

    However, working on things such as facing conflict and obstacles together, communication, and continually finding ways to connect with one another help a couple remain together.
     
  19. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

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    I agree, you cant expect someone not to change at all....
    I think problems can also occur when the person that changes (even if just a little bit) freaks out b/c they've changed and then decides that because of these relatively small changes cant be in their relationship anymore, like they think their spouse wont love them b/c of these changes.
     
  20. ArthurPewty

    ArthurPewty New Member

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    Or conversely when one person experiences some changes and their partner feels that these changes constitute a threat to the relationship (i.e. experiences fear of the unknown).
     
  21. Brian May

    Brian May New Member

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    My parents ended up divorcing when I was still an infant. That is my biggest fear.

    My second biggest fear is to be cheated on by my current SO. The last serious girlfriend cheated on me with 3 different guys 5 years ago. It occasionally haunts me but I deal with it. I just wouldn't want to be put through that again.
     
  22. Vixxen

    Vixxen New Member

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    ahh.. if only that were true.. :wtc:

    In with LG. not being loved in return sucks. Or being the one who cares more about the relationship if you will- equally sucky.

    I'm the kind of person who loves pretty easily, I guess. I give a lot (time, energy, presents) and don't ask for much in return so I usually end up getting taken. The hard part is I never see it coming. I mean, there're signs and sometimes I'm told, but I think I refuse to believe people are out to get me. So it happens over and over and over and over and over ..again!
     
  23. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    :bowrofl:

    As for the question, my worst fear would be having them cheat on me. I've been through that once and it was the worst feeling ever.
     
  24. notsousual

    notsousual New Member

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    I would have to say my worst fear would be outgrowing a good relationship. You know, when things are great (errr, well as great as great can be if you're outgrowing the relationship anyway), you get along, there isn't some big huge dramatic thing that happens, but you both subtly change and then come to realize that you really don't fit together anymore.

    My SO and I are in a point in our lives right now where everything is changing, HUGE changes. Choosing a career, finishing up with college, just tons of things. I want to change WITH him, not change and move away from him. If I lost him cause he cheated or treated me badly, that would be different. But he's perfect for me and my life right now and if that changes...that's something I have no control over and I REALLY don't want to ever lose him because of that. Agh.
     

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