SRS Worried about my brother

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Jadix, Mar 26, 2007.

  1. Jadix

    Jadix The Nice Guy

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    He's 23 now and has nothing going for him. His life up to this point has been a shit show and his outlook is bad.

    He's been told his whole life he has ADHD and therefore isn't as good as anybody else. Our parents gave him ritalin when he was younger a bunch, and during his teenage years he did a lot of drugs. He still only looks for parties and shit (like going down to Tihijuana on weekends to get drunk). He barely made it out of highschool (got expelled from 3 highschools, graduated through a homeschooling program). He is constantly moving around between each of my parents (divorced), his friend's houses, and recently his birth father's house down in LA (we're both adopted at birth and grew up in central CA).

    He's not very smart. He is extremely sociable, which is about the only skill he has. He used to pick up auto-trader's and see how low he could talk down the prices to people selling their cars, and he was very good. I've told him, as have our parents, to try and be some sort of salesmen...but his education level is hindering his confidence and his drug abuse isn't helping. Trying to tell him to quit using drugs is like telling a 5 year old not to eat chocolate. He lies a lot, and I seem to be the only person capable of detecting it. I see him lie to my parents a lot and they can almost never catch it. Its gotten to the point where they're just skeptical of anything he tells them.

    I've been almost a total opposite my entire life. I'm in college at a university currently for a computer science degree. I dont have the money or the time to help him or talk to him much. it seems like i cant do anything except watch him burn himself out. I dont want to lose my brother but i dont see him anywhere but jail, the street, or dead. He could pull off a construction job physically, but he has been allowed to quit everything in life because of the ADHD excuse that has gotten remotely hard, and contruction is no easy job.

    I dont know what kind of advice you can give. I feel pretty hopeless right now.
     
  2. JustJeff

    JustJeff www.youtube.com/thisisjustjeff

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    I am in the same position you are, and have been for the last 8 years of my life. However, my brother finally is trying to make a change for the better... that's after I put him into a bet ^.^

    Here's a listtle history:

    My older brother was a football player and a wrestler. He worked out everyday, but was extremely overweight. I really didn't think of at at all until i stopped doing these sports. He grew heavier and heavier. Of course, he was already heavy (275lbs weight bracket in wrestling... topping at around 290).

    He stopped working out and went away to college. His first year at college, he gained 100lbs. ONE HUNDRED. He almost hit 400lbs before he realized that something was wrong. I tried to sit down and talk to him about the causes of his weight problems... i.e. his eating habits, his drinking problem, is smoking problem, and his partying problem. But everything fell on deaf ears... or he'd reply, "You don't know what it's like, you've never been fat." (Yeah... I weight 145lbs and I'm a freshman in college at 5'10". I can eat a bag of potato chips and lose weight.)

    I kept telling him. I even took some physical punishment for it. Bruises on my arms and legs, cuts along my forearm, and almost completely killed my leg, but I kept telling him he needed to change.

    Two years down the way, he finally heard me. He wanted to get a surgery for his weight problem (It wasn't exactly what I wanted him to do... i still don't like the idea of the surgery for his weight). He got a lap-band around his stomach to control his eating habits. I came back from school and spent the entire day before with him hanging out, the entire day with him at the hospitol, and the entire day after helping him out recovering. I was at his side the whole time to make sure that he pulled through.

    My brother still has some of those problems. He still drinks and he still has the habits, but I've realized that my power in changing him can only do so much. He has to do most of the work. Just make sure he knows. Continue to talk to him and make sure that if he's willing to change to be there for him.

    My brother has now lost 90lbs and is almost at his primary goal of getting back to wrestling weight. He's also trying to get on a T.V. weight lostt competition. So, he's making an effort, even if it's unconventional.



    -- Cliffs of Advice --

    - Talk to your brother. Tell him your concern.
    - Don't back down. No matter what, make sure he knows you are serious
    - Stay at his side thru the good and the bad. Show that you care.
    - If he wants to change, he will. If not, he won't change. It's on his shoulders, not yours.

    (If my story doens't make sense, it's cause i'm in an english class and we're heading outside so i gotta go. But i hope this helps.)
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I advice him to go work in a call-center, like telemarketing, just convince him that he only has to sit, and calling people , that wouldn't be hard for him. unless the adhd prevents him from sitting still. :hsd:

    But first foremost, they should stop telling him that he can't achieve things because of his adhd, rather he should be hearing inspiring stories of people with handicaps,or disabilities who didn't mind and pushed thru,despite of their lack of ability to do certain things, where able to go thru and overcome obstacles.

    He has to regain his trust in himself, first.
     

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