SRS worried about brother..

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by krista, Jun 12, 2004.

  1. krista

    krista New Member

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    my brother's 16, he's been smoking weed for a couple of years now but has started to do it more heavily lately. he has no motivation for anything, he mostly sits around the house and makes alot of messes. he's started to lie about little things like borrowing a few dollars or where he's going and stuff like that.. i'm fed up with it. our parents are going through a divorce so i realize he is probably using weed to comfort himself but i want him to realize how much he is throwing away for a few hours of fun. do you guys have any suggestions of how to bring this up without him feeling like i'm attacking him?
     
  2. nukegoat

    nukegoat New Member

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    You're not alone with this dillemma. Have you ever asked him why he smokes so much? Talk to him but just talk from personal experience and feelings "i feel responsible, as your brother, and when you smoke all the time, i feel like im not doing a good job by telling you that i think you're throwing your life away, etc etc etc"

    those kind of things. don't hold yourself accountable though for his mistakes. we all learn one way or another. be loving and compassionate. Good luck.
     
  3. blazing187

    blazing187 Guest

    motivate him with weed?jp good luck though
     
  4. Jewfro

    Jewfro New Member

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    Lol you are fucked up
     
  5. nukegoat

    nukegoat New Member

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    any news from the thread starter?
     
  6. krista

    krista New Member

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    we've been hanging out more lately and i have talked to him some - he asked me to buy cigars for him so he can use the paper to roll w/ but i stood my ground. i guess everything is at a standstill, but our friendship has improved, we don't hate each other for right now :)
     
  7. Use the 5 minute Tool:

    This is a tool I use on my family constantly. It may not work if the people you're dealing with are psychologically sick or manipulative. Mutual respect, and the ability to listen is necessary for this to be successful.

    1: I'll get everyone [or the individual] together that I feel is involved. I will then ask if I can be allowed to speak without interruption for a minimum of 5 minutes.

    2: If during that 5 minutes anyone interrupts me I will get up and leave. I warn each person before I speak that I will give them the same courtesy when I'm done speaking.

    3: I then begin to talk about how I feel regarding each situation, without blaming anyone or pointing the finger or raising my voice, or being manipulative. I simply say "I feel - etc etc about this or that", and this helps to prevent anyone from becoming defensive. I remain honest, and sincere about how I feel, and I don't try to protect anyone from how I really feel. If they get upset while I'm being honest - it's unfortunate, but as long as I talk truthful while being respectful, then I let them feel however they want. It's their reaction, not mine. I can't control how they feel.

    Conclusion: I keep this under 5 minutes to ensure that I hold their attention. I then finish up, and listen to the responses of each person one at a time without interrupting them. They each also get 5 minutes. This can be a very awesome weapon of communication when dealing with topics that have not been easy to communicate in the past using other approaches.

    In the end, you must expect nothing from this individual. Just because you tell them how you feel doesn't mean they'll change their behavior. Consider this tool a courtesy of respect to them, because if they don't make any changes, then you may have to set some boundries with them which can be very difficult on them.

    Boundry Example: You've told them how you feel, and two weeks later they're back in the same routine. You consult your family, a therapist, or whoever else you think should be involved, and you simply ask the person to leave,, or you work out some other plan that helps alleviate your difficulties. If no solution can be sought, and things must stay as they are, then you must accept the situation. If you can not, then you're the one with the problem at that point. Whoever is the legal gaurdian is responsible, not you. No matter how much you may feel it's your obligation or how many times you may say it, it's not, and if you try to make it yours, you will be sorely disappointed with the results.

    He's not an adult, you are, so make sure to act like one while you handle the situation. If you lose control of yourself, then you're in big trouble.
     
  8. krista

    krista New Member

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    thanks..that sounds like a really good idea. i'll try that soon.
     
  9. metoots13

    metoots13 New Member

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    good luck, I've got the same things going on at home, and I'm the parent -- dang, I think I'll try that 5 minute thing too. I just want the stress to go away etc. I guess if I change, the situation will change too.
     
  10. nukegoat

    nukegoat New Member

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    metallic blue, you should post here more often. Im sure you have a lot of insight for people.
     
  11. I've been a little more active. I'm learning a lot myself, and people have been supportive both here, and in Asylum. :)
     

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