Womenz i need ur advice...pretty plz v.kindalong :hs:

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by StopDrop&LOL, Oct 14, 2006.

  1. StopDrop&LOL

    StopDrop&LOL "Where The Elite Become Champions"

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    OT i need ur advice...pretty plz v.kindalong :hs:

    ~3 weeks ago, something came over me and i told my girl (via txt msg) i needed to be alone. I just got kinda depressed and thought things werent going to workout. I figured some time alone would allow me to think about what i wanted and what she meant to me.

    Well she came over the next day, but i didnt answer the door, so she sat in my driveway for ~1 hr, txt & calling me. I responded to her txt, but not the calls. I knew if i talked to her or saw her cry, it would just lead me right back to her. Plus, i dont like seeing her cry. I wanted to talk to her really bad too, but i just needed space and couldnt talk to her right then. I needed to let my mind clear.

    Well she apoligized the next day (txt msg) and gave me my space. She called me a week later (the 5th of Oct) and i answered it. We talked. She said said i do deserve someone that will have more time for me and all this other stuff. I told her i was just confused at the time, because i felt like i wasnt make her happy and felt like she didnt like me the way i liked her. I hinted that i wanted to get back with her, but i didnt feel like she wanted to same (maybe she did), so i forced the situation and said its best if we move on. I Said some other stuff too, but cant remember what. She was like, well where do we go from here. I said, well i guess this is goodbye. She said goodbye and i hung up. I sent her a txt telling her goodbye & i loved her.

    ****If you dont feel like reading all this, just read the part below*****


    So a week after saying goodbye, she called me, so i answered it. I realized over that week that i really did love her and that i wanted to be with only her. It was hard, because i wanted to call her sooo bad, but i couldnt. So anyways i picked up the phone and she was like im outside your house, so i go out and give her a hug. She came in and we talked, cuddled, laughed, and kissed. She told me she really missed me (i could tell she meant it) and has a lot of fun with me. I said the same. She asked me again, "sooo whats up with us?" I told her "i want to be with you, but i want to be just friends at first. Like go out more, laugh, have fun, so we have something to build a relationship off." Because in the past, we really didnt do much besides hang out in my room, go out to eat, and go to the moves. I told her "theres more to me than this and that i wanted to be with her, but i just wanted to slow things down and build a better friendship/relationshuip." I told her, "but i dont know how you feel, you may not see any hope for us in the future." She said "well, all i know is you. Ive been with you for the past 3.5 years, and i want to see what else is out there (to see if your the one??) She was like i dont know what i want, im just cofused, i have this wall up. She said "i think a week will do me good." So i said, "well i have to respect your wishes and give you your space." I gave her a hug & a kiss, told her i loved her and if she wanted to be with me give me a call, if not...takecare.

    My questions...

    1. If she really didnt want to be with me and did want to find someone else, why would she come back and ask me "whats up with us?"

    2. Is the "see what else is out there" a legit excuse? I feel like its saying "your good, but theres something better out there" Kinda like a slap in the face, but maybe im wrong though.

    3. Im confused on what she meant by "a week will do me good." Good as in we'll get back together?

    4. She said she had a wall up, but yet said she wanted to see what else is out there. How can you see whats out there in one week especially if you have a wall up?

    5. Could this be payback for when i ignored her and told her i needed my space?

    IBclusterfuck :run:
     
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2006
  2. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    well, I haven't read all that yet.

    Why do you want advice from a female? A male who understands women would be much better able to help you.

    Clothes and hair, thats about the only advice you should be seeking from a female.
     
  3. StopDrop&LOL

    StopDrop&LOL "Where The Elite Become Champions"

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    Just figured women might know better what she means :hs: Im open to advice from anyone.
     
  4. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    Because you were ignoring her. If you had been making contact with her during that time, her interest level in you would have continued to drop.

    Nothing spikes a woman's interest level quite like having nothing to do with them. No contact from you = increase in her interest in you. Plain and simple.

    The of course everything you did after the hug lowered her interest level, which brings us to...

    That's because your male logic is trying to make sense of her meaningless words. She used the words that fit the situation. Her interest level rose, she came to you, then you caused her interest level to dip, and when she lost interest she was gonna say whatever it took to get out.

    No idea. We would have to be able to read her mind.

    Your logic is tripping you up again. Forget the words. Look for the overall message. She has a wall up TO YOU. That doesn't mean she doesn't want a man in her life. Obviously, you are capable of raising her interest, but then you do things that completely destroy it. You are never going to get a direct answer from her so you have to learn to read between the lines.

    highly doubtful. Like I said before,ignoring her is going to raise her interest level in you. You see it as a bad thing, and I see it as the only "right" thing you did here.

    When she came back to you, you screwed up by confessing your feelings, and that directly led to the mumbo-jumbo you are wracking your brain to figure out.

    When she came back, you needed to be consistent with your previous assertion that you need space. Instead, you gave in the moment she came to you and confessed your love and smothered her with affection. This may come naturally, but it 100% led to her losing interest.

    You gave her the "I need space" and then she got interested, came to you, you gave her all the power, and she immediately reversed the situation and hit you with her own "I need space."

    To look at it another way, when you refused to see her and gave her the "I need space," you took control of the relationship. Then she tested you to see if you would remain in control, and instead of doing so, you gave all the control back to her, which caused her to lose interest.
     
  5. StopDrop&LOL

    StopDrop&LOL "Where The Elite Become Champions"

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    Ya, i realized after that i shouldnt have confessed my feelings, but im just tired of playing game, tired of hiding my feelings, etc. I just wanted to be open about it, because surpressing all those feeligns was really hurting me.

    I was thinking of just sending her a harmless txt msg on sun like "hope your studying and not playing in la la land (inside joke thing). Maybe i shouldnt though.

    edit: id rather say how i feel, than pass up the opportunity
     
  6. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    I understand your feelings and I've had (and acted on) them myself.

    There is nothing wrong with expressing your feelings. But what do you gain by expressing your feelings TO HER? Nothing, and in most cases you actually hurt your chances with her.

    You have to learn to avoid all this talking. Sitting around and talking is their forte. Women love to sit around and talk. But its not what they are attracted to in a man.

    She wants a MAN, not another girlfriend to talk to. The more you share your feelings, the more she is going to take advantage of you. You see it as letting her inside to see the "true you" but she sees it as weakness and it turns her off.

    As far as sending a txt or not: What is your goal with her? You cannot determine the best course of action until after you have a firm idea of what it is that you want.
     
  7. StopDrop&LOL

    StopDrop&LOL "Where The Elite Become Champions"

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    my goal with her is to win her back. I want to be with her. She even said when she came over "Im the one that always has to do the calling"
     
  8. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    Continue to ignore her. If she calls, pick up the phone and say "I'm busy right now, can I call you back." Then don't call her back.

    Make her come to you, then when she does, blow her off again. If she comes to your house, give her shit and make fun of "her wall." Like "Is that you? I can barely see you because of the wall." You know, silly shit. Keep her guessing.

    She wants to earn a guy, not have a guy throw himself at her. You are going to have to master the "push" part of "push-pull."

    You should also start dating other girls. Because I'm willing to bet she is going to start seeing other guys.

    If you are determined to get her back right away, you are going to do things out of desperation and you are going to fail. Laying back and playing hard to get and making her come to you then rejecting her a few times is the only way you are going to succeed.
     
  9. no come down

    no come down ..... and in this place you'll see me OT Supporter

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    meaning, you express your true feelings to her with gestures.. not words.


    .. right?
     
  10. pigeon

    pigeon wasabi

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    are you looking for a relationship, or a game. responding as a female, if you were to play the game yail bloor suggested, i would lose interest, honestly. if you were to go back and forth like that, i'd figure you weren't interested so i'd move on. not to be rude to you, yail bloor, that's just *my* opinion. in my experience, guys who act like that aren't interested in a relationship, and i wouldn't want to put so much effort into a quick fling, so whether i wanted a boyfriend or a quick fuck, i can't see expending that much energy on a situation where i have to come to the guy repeatedly, only to get blown off.

    just my opinion. :o
     
  11. StopDrop&LOL

    StopDrop&LOL "Where The Elite Become Champions"

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    Yail, but do you think its already too late for that? I mean i already told her i loved her, :wtc: some, now if ignore her, wont she be confused? I mean, if some girl told me she loved me, and than when we talked, she acted opposite, i would be like :wtf: koo-koo koo-koo
     
  12. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    absolutely. and she should never quite know for sure where you stand. Like she's 95% sure, but that 5% is what will keep her attracted over the long term.
     
  13. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    her biggest spike in interest occurred after he ignored her for a week.

    No offense, but I have personally observed a vast difference between what women CLAIM they respond to and what they actually do.

    And its all a game baby. Life is a game.
     
  14. StopDrop&LOL

    StopDrop&LOL "Where The Elite Become Champions"

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    Thats how i feel pigeon. If some girl were to say one things and act opposite, i would be totally confused, and emotionally drained. Its not like we just met and i got to play the game to increase her interest level in me. Shes knows me. Ive been with her ~2.5 years (on and off).
     
  15. pigeon

    pigeon wasabi

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    got it. i didn't read it carefully enough.

    you're right, there is generally a huge difference in what we say we would do and what we actually do. i have been in that position many times. i don't do it anymore because i realize how stupid it looks. :o
    but you're right, women generally will fall head over heels the less attention they are paid. :rolleyes:
     
  16. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    I'm talking about what will give you the greatest chance of success with her. I'm not concerned with how she thinks or feels about how you go about it.

    You may try this and it may not work. I don't know. But I do know that continuing to chase her WILL NOT WORK.

    Best thing for you is she dates a few new guys, they don't do anything for her and in the meantime you've dated a few girls and now when she comes back to you, you are in good position to lead the relationship.

    As the man, you have to be the leader. Being a leader involved knowing what the right course of action is, and following thru even though its hard.

    She isn't going to be the leader, and if you allow her to lead, she will lead the relationship down the wrong path. Learn it on your own or take advantage of my personal experience, its up to you.
     
  17. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    work just called and i have to be there early because some one didn't show up. I'll check back late tonight.
     
  18. pigeon

    pigeon wasabi

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    if this is where you are right now, let it go. if she wants it, she'll come back. women generally do. it may take a while as she's waiting for you to make the first move, but she'll probably come back eventually.
    either a) she's serious and wants her space
    or b) she's waiting for you to do something.
     
  19. StopDrop&LOL

    StopDrop&LOL "Where The Elite Become Champions"

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    Thanks yail, i was thinking of just sending her that txt i mentioned above and leaving it at that. Than on sat, she has a big test for med school or some shit, so i was just going to send her a txt msg saying "good luck on your test sweetheart, hope you do well" and leve it at that. If she doesnt call within a week after that last text, im just going to change my number and move on.
     
  20. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I hate the fact that women work this way.
     
  21. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Women are lame and illogical.

    I wish they weren't so pretty.
     
  22. StopDrop&LOL

    StopDrop&LOL "Where The Elite Become Champions"

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    im thinking of just throwing in the towel altogether and not caring anymore. seriously. im contiplating changing my phone number and just moving on. i did tell her if she wants to be with me, ill be here, so she always could just stop by if she really did want me.
     
  23. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    I'll visit this tomorow, but this caught my eye. Women are a helluva lot smarter than men. They are predictable almost to a fault. They are completely logical, but not in the way men are. YOU, dear sir, just need to learn how and why.

    They world is put together in an amazingly wonderful way, and women are just perfect - moreso than almost all the men I have ever met. ;)
     
  24. StopDrop&LOL

    StopDrop&LOL "Where The Elite Become Champions"

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    From your post, i can already tell your going to say some shit like she doesnt want you
     
  25. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Maybe he will, maybe he won't. The thing is, no matter how much you don't want to hear it, you have to consider it.

    It is entirely possible that she may no longer want you. If this were to be the case, being in denial over it wouldn't make it any better.
     

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