Women: Do you ever initiate teh sex?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by SLED, Apr 12, 2006.

  1. SLED

    SLED build an idiot proof device and someone else will

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    I honestly have to initiate any sexual contact with my GF if we are together. She almost never initiates anything. So basically, if I don't make a move, or start being sexy, nothing will ever happen. We have been together for 1.5 yrs and she has only once initiated anything.

    Is this normal? I've asked her about it before, and she just says that "she is working on it". She is not a rape victim or anything weird like that. Is she just completely insecure or what? How do I fix this? Do I just not try anymore to push her into making a decision or what? Help!
     
  2. foreverLost

    foreverLost New Member

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    Shes really shy it sounds like. Thats the way it was when i first started with my SO, but now i initiate it more than he does!
     
  3. MP525i

    MP525i New Member

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    i'm caught in the same prison. she never does anything to start it up. we've gone 3 weeks without anything b/c i didn't pursue her.

    plus when we do get around to it, she won't do anything else but have me on top.

    what a pain.

    too bad i love her too much.
     
  4. Jinx

    Jinx Active Member

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    :dunno: I don't have a problem initiating things, but a lot of times, my "initiation" is somewhat more subtle than a guy might pick up on: sliding back a bit when we're spooning to watch a movie, arching my back a bit to pretend like i'm stretching to brush my ass over his penis.. Stuff like that.
     
  5. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

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    I think when a woman is more comfortable in the relationship she tends to initiate more often, but as Jinx points out, it tends to be more subtle....most of the time;)
     
  6. Sionell89

    Sionell89 I grew up when I wasn't looking

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    I almost always initiate
     
  7. krott5333

    krott5333 Guest

    buy a kittah, it will start acting sexy and get her in the mood :kdubb:
     
  8. Devilish

    Devilish Remind me AGAIN

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    I think it's sometimes based on a self esteem thing. The girl might feel slutty if she initiates anything, or she is scared of being rejected or blown off. It can appear romantic if a guy chases you and seduces you.

    If you're in a long, comfortable relationship though there should be nothing stopping her from initiating it at some time or another. Have you told her how you feel? Asked her to tell you when she feels like getting intimate?

    I can't help myself. If I want it I ask, or make sure he knows I want it :big grin:
     
  9. marauder

    marauder New Member

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    :bigthumb:
     
  10. copperkali

    copperkali Mrs. Nicklk

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    Nope, I never initiate anything.
     
  11. Jinx

    Jinx Active Member

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    The way I initiate things is different when I'm with an SO as compared to a random hookup. If I'm hooking up with someone, I'm either blatant that I want it or I'm kind of shy about it. If I'm with my boyfriend, I'm more likely to turn into him and start cuddling (making sure to let him know that I don't want to just cuddle).
     
  12. Foo Lyn Roo

    Foo Lyn Roo New Member

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    Well its really against the natural flow of things. Its always the guy - being the horn dog and persuing the female.
    But there is hope - and things will change. Just don't get all hung up on who starts what.. it can ruin a good thing
    Keep in mind these few things
    1) At your age, (I'm assuming early 20's) Most guys are hornier than the gals they are with, so they will be wanting it more than the chick (usually) So this would bring on your initiation over hers, more often.
    2) In society sexually agressive females are usually labled. Its a hard thing to get over, mentally.

    If I were you, I would encourage her sexual side. It takes time.
    A great exercise is turn out the lights, sit naked with one another, just touching each others backs, sides stomach.. other parts. But keep it NON sexual.. at least not masturbatory etc.
    After 10 mins, tell her its HER turn, let her explore you in the same fashion.
    Once she feels she has complete access to your body she might feel more comfortable initiating things in the future.

    Also - on your part - make sure you are picking up on any signals she might give. Alot of women claim the "let their mate know" when they are ready.. but often the mate does not realize these signals, because they are slight.

    Good Luck!
     
  13. Lovely Atlantis

    Lovely Atlantis Luscious Lovely Lady!

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  14. MP525i

    MP525i New Member

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    why don't women understand that men need to be hit over the head and told straight up what's going on.

    small signals like that are interpreted in a different light to guys.
     
  15. Foo Lyn Roo

    Foo Lyn Roo New Member

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    Why is the woman who has to understand.
    If you want to know when is a good time to suggest a dip, then it would be you (men) who need to be a bit more intuitive.
     
  16. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    I do too. I'm not going to say that it's rare for my hubby to initiate, but my sex drive is generally higher than his.
    For a long time I didn't because I was afraid (or sick) of being rejected, but I got over that.
     
  17. MP525i

    MP525i New Member

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    i can only speak from my experience.

    the small hints she gives one week could mean something totally different the neck.

    example: when she grabed my butt a certain way (not the normal a$$ grab). one week it was a sign of "let's get things going."

    the next week when she did the same grab it meant "you're so cute." she went back to watching t.v and nothing happened.

    it's just a little confusing with all the "little" signs.
     
  18. :smile:

    :smile: New Member

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    stop initiating & she'll eventually get horny enough & initiate it
     
  19. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    This kind of irritates me. I also deal with this with my husband. I can't grab his ass or give him a massage without him thinking I want some. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. Should I refrain from grabbing his ass to not give him the wrong impression? Not everything has to lead to sex. :rolleyes:
     
  20. foreverLost

    foreverLost New Member

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    well you might think that, but it might not turn out that way. she MIGHT think wow is there somthing wrong with me? why dosnt he want to do anyhting with me? --- my boyfriend pulled that trick on me!! haha and tahts how i felt for a little while untill i learned how to initaite and not feel stupid or be super shy. it worked out for the best, just if she asks why tell her streight up.
     
  21. Foo Lyn Roo

    Foo Lyn Roo New Member

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    You should have her tested for bi-polar disease.
    J/K

    I dunno.
    all I do know is IT'S ALL THE GUYS FAULT
    J/K

    I think communication is key key key.
    I guess over time.. you will learn the cute butt grab and the come hither and do me but grab difference?

    Just don't get them confused with , the swiping off of the fuzzy ball stuck to your ass hair grab though.
     
  22. Foo Lyn Roo

    Foo Lyn Roo New Member

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    No, grab his ass.. and give him a rub but when he goes for 2nds base , block him, get angry and call him a lech. LOL

    I'm kidding here. I'm kidding.

    Male and Female communications are tough business.
    It's all up the people involved. Just have patience and try
    to understand where the others are comming from.

    And know - Men, for the most part (not all but most) can only really show their true affections through sex, so when you show yours through a caress or touch, they might feel unfulfilled until they have sex.
    They see Sex as an expression of love. The Caressing is just.. that.
     
  23. Kinks

    Kinks Sup. OT Supporter

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    Yes it does! :mad:


    :mamoru:

    I think the difficulty is separating "sex" actions from "affection" actions. It does get confusing if sometimes it is a precursor and sometimes it isn't. Also, if he gets really turned on by something then don't do it if you're not up for it :p


    In general women need 2 things to initiate sex - confidence and libido. It might be up to you to tickle both of those into a frenzy :)
     
  24. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    :mamoru:
    It has become more of a joke between the two of us that whenever I look at him I want to :naughty:
    I do make it a point to not do the things I know really turn him on when I'm not in the mood :o
     
  25. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    I barely ever initiate.

    Too shy... and ONCE in our relationship he shot me down. I don't think he realized I was serious, and granted he was really tired.. But I dont to relive it. :o
     

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