SRS Women being sexual objects

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by MissKitty, Dec 30, 2006.

  1. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    Okay, so I have this problem :hs:

    My ex cheated on me all through our relationship and he would also check out other females and comment about them. There was rarely a female he saw that he didn't make a comment about.

    Now, keep in mind that this relationship ended over 6years ago and I still have this issue.

    Every woman I see I see as a sexual object. I see as a 'possible' threat and can't just see them as a woman or other human.

    My current SO is a loving man who adores me and only me and has never made women into sexual objects or even made reference to 'Oh, I'd like to fuck that'. To him other women are just that, other women who co-exist on this planet.

    I know this issue isn't about my sexuality because if it was, my dormant bi-sexuality would mean I would do it to men as well and I don't.

    I sit here wondering if it is just a sign on the times and that society as a whole does this but I can't kid myself. I know this is a left over scar form my past relationship. Every time I see a female I 'rate' her. I look at the aspects of her body that I like and don't like and this can't be healthy for my self esteem or my view of women in general

    The thing that sparked this thought in my head was when I was coming back from getting a wax. I thought about my SO getting something done and then I switched onto "But the waxer is a female and I dunno? is she hot? hot enough for So to crack onto?... yada yada yada"

    I dunno what to think :dunno: I am well aware that issues from my past relationship and they have left some very VERY deep scars.
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    What would be good for you would be Chakra balancing. You see you need to be like a castle gate closing yourself to bad people/things/events, and open yourself up to good people/things/events. That way you realise that your ex was a liar and that the problem is with him and not you. However you exposed yourself in terms of trust by opening your gateway to a harmfull individual making it able for misery to enter your life.

    Then you come to a sense of reality that not all woman are interested in your SO , they have their own bf's, and out all of them not by the least far nor would they usually make an attempt to steal him away.Over that you need to understand you can love a person, but you can't own him. You don't own your bf, and that is completely normal, he has free to be with whomever he wants to be. But saying something like that might make you insecure, but you should never entere a relationship thinking it would work out to begin with just because it concerns 'your case' reality is that a boy can pick up his bags and leave anyday.

    Trust takes time, and if over time your bf has earned your trust you must reward your bf by giving trust to him.

    Anyway if your 4 th chakra gets emotionally damaged by treason, you could become asocial, retracted,critical,judging, unability to accept yourself and others,lonelynes,depressive, fear for relations/intimacy.

    The main issue you have to work with is trust. Because if you have trust in the right people, then you can be in harmony with your enviroment. You can emit warmth, and joy to which you can open the hearts of others and create trust and even more joy.

    A woman isn't a sexual object, rather a person and soul resides in that body. That person can be hurted if people just walk over that persons feelings. Your feelings have been severely hurted, and its quite important that you open yourself up to your bf again, and to the right people who have earned your trust. Because its perfectly ok, to open yourself up to the people who have the best intentions to you, and for the same reasons to close yourself against people who have no good intentions.
     
  3. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    My ex was cheated on by all her bfs before me, and she would rate every girl she saw, too.

    "Eww, that girl is ugly."

    "Do you think that girl is hot?"

    "She's kinda pretty, right?"

    It got to be annoying.
     
  4. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    Sometimes I check out women and "rate" them in my head. Doesn't actually mean anything. If I'm in a relationship, I'm in a relationship (doesn't mean I can't look though...), it wouldn't matter if the perfect 10 walked up to me naked and wanted to go at it.

    You seem to be in a loving and stable relationship so I find it hard to understand why you would be worried about other women? For me you either trust your partner or you don't. If you trust them, then it doesn't matter if someone is better looking than you, as he won't stray.

    The real issue is trust. Do you trust him? If so, then just let go of your fears. If not, well, then there is a much bigger issue here.
     
  5. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    Darketernal - I believe that I do trust my partner. I know that he would in no way hurt me intentionally and that he knows who I am as a person and what makes me tick in such a way that he wouldn't hurt me unintentionally either. I don't believe the core of my being has been dinted by my past experiences but I do know the logical side of me and emotional side of me have been severed. They cannot speak to each other. While I lay eternal trust in my partner a side of me still has it's guard up and that is okay for us. We both know what baggage we have and we help each other through it. I don't own him and he doesn't own me, this I know as well. We are two individuals who choose to be around each other.

    I believe I do protect myself from harmful people but without blocking out the good people from my life. I just have trouble looking at a woman and not judging her. I don't want to see a woman as a set of breasts or as someone I need to rate. I just want to see another human being and it is a long journey that starts with the first step.

    Falconer - Was that one of the reasons it didn't work out? Were you able to talk to her about this? My partner and I have open communication. Even the 'flaws' are talked about and we work through issues that arise together.

    Bruticus - As above I believe I do trust him. But I think it is now the next step and I have to get rid of the issues I have with other women (which would still be there if I wasn't in a relatiosnhip) I am just assure of how to do that. I figure the first step is admitting that it is an issue but past that I am lost
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 31, 2006
  6. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Personally, I think you're normal. :eek3:

    All women judge other women as threats to their relationship. Your very security depends on having a male partner. Think about the history of animal species - many females depend on the male partner to protect their children, bring food, and otherwise provide for them. If you lost your partner, it was a death sentence.

    Do some studying on the history of species and such, and you may realize you are completely normal.
     

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