FRK With violence?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by ForgottenSpiral, Sep 19, 2008.

  1. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    So I searched, but to my surprise I did not find anything on the subject...

    Does anyone here ever get sexually violent with their partner? I don't mean like a little hair pulling and spanking. I mean like slapping a partner in the face while in the throws of passion. Obviously this behavior isn't normal, but have any of you been involved in this type of thing?
     
  2. Lovely Atlantis

    Lovely Atlantis Luscious Lovely Lady!

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    I'd be careful with that statement of "obviously this behaviour isn't normal"....

    Have you head of BDSM? A lot of people who are into bdsm get off on pain, either giving or receiving. Personally, I love being flogged, spanked, caned, slapped, bit, scratched and such. Mmmmm
     
  3. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Well I don't mean to imply people who are into this aren't normal. I just meant I know it's not for everyone.

    I've played around with stuff like spanking, restraining, hair pulling, choking, etc. Slapping in the face is something that seems dangerous to me though. I mean I'm sitting here wanting to type "I am the type of guy who would never hit my girlfriend", but obviously that isn't the case anymore.

    Where is the line though? I mean it sounds strange to me to say "she asked for it". Is it though? I mean I've always been a peaceful, respectful guy, but for some reason I enjoy slapping her around.

    I don't know. I have no experience with this stuff and I certainly would stop if I thought she had a problem with it. As much as I enjoy it though, it still makes me nervous. :dunno:
     
  4. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

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    I think "the line" is the point where one or both of you are uncomfortable with an event. There is no harm in stopping and evaluating the situation and deciding if it is right for BOTH of you.
     
  5. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    You should see the pics of my bruises I had in a thread on here... We get VERY rough. I love it, because it feels to me like we both have let go of everything and its down to an animalistic sense, and a raw need. I frequently end up with really bad bruises and bite marks that turn into bruises. I've been asked if I had any problems at home from my managers at work lol. (no, i just like to play rough:naughty:)

    I have never been slapped or hit though in the face, I'm sure if we were both in the right zone, that it would be okay, because its not to be taken as demeaning.
     
  6. Phantom Empress

    Phantom Empress mmmmmm tasty!!!

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    I was just slapped in the face last night.

    It's something we had to work up to for a long long time till we were comfortable going that far. We talked about ti a lot befre we did it the first time and even now after a few years of playing that roughly, we still check in from time to time and see "is this still ok to do?"
     
  7. Miss Red

    Miss Red New Member

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    How do you work up to that? I like spanking do i go from there?
     
  8. Phantom Empress

    Phantom Empress mmmmmm tasty!!!

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    You and your partner need to talk it over. A slap in the face to most people has an emotional response that can come with it, and you need to be prepared to either quiet that response, controll it, or your partner should be ready to bring you down, comfort you and get you past it.

    it's one thing to get spanked onthe ass and still stay in the sexual flow of things. Slappign the face may bring about anger on your part, fear, sadness or further excitement. but you two need to be onthe same page before you start the slap fest. Start with a little, painless slap to the face and see where it goes. For me a slap during really aggressive, rough sex is Fantastic, but therre are time when I do not want to get slapped and I'll say so, use a safe word if i must and slow the play back down to a place where i'm comfortable.
    Just last night it went from hair pulling to choking and then getting choke slammed on to the bed, wrists pinned and then slapped hard across the face while being penetrated. it was awesome. but had we done that the first time we ever tried it, i probably would have cried and felt like it was rape.

    So Communicate with yout partner along the way and be sure that you two can handle the responses you will both have post-slapping.
     
  9. TigreTek

    TigreTek omega member OT Supporter

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    oh yeah, sorry about that. :mamoru:
     
  10. Phantom Empress

    Phantom Empress mmmmmm tasty!!!

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    :mamoru:

    it's ok
     
  11. HouseLing

    HouseLing When masturbations lost its fun you'r fucking lazy

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    me and my chick can both get off on her getting slapped at the right time. while its not gentle, i dont haul off and smack her as hard as i can either :)
     
  12. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    Yes.

    I like doling it out consentually but particularly when the other hasn't consented ...

    I know that's the wrong way but it makes me tingly. Especially if he gets all mad & slaps me back .... but that was in the past. My fiance & I have a consentual violence policy. Most anything goes as long as it's done with love and passion. OoOoo <3
     
  13. Drunken Karnie Midget

    Drunken Karnie Midget In Yeo We Trust, All Others Pay Cash OT Supporter

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    I beat you cause i love you!! I hit you so you'll understand!! :rofl: sorry, just had to toss that out there.... I know it's nothing like that at all... that's more my next door neighbors...
     
  14. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    haw haw ... sort of. I hate neighbors like that. Used to have some. Glad to be livin' free of their exploits.
     
  15. Drunken Karnie Midget

    Drunken Karnie Midget In Yeo We Trust, All Others Pay Cash OT Supporter

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    Illicit substances + Kids + loveless relationship = daily screaming. Some days i just want to toss a loaded gun on the ground between them, and see if one of them picks it up... :mamoru:
     
  16. TwistedMind

    TwistedMind New Member

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    I ask my girl to smack me all the time. Shes a bit timid and dosnt really do it as hard as id like her to but we are getting there. She dosn't like to be smacked or choked at all :( But its all good.
     
  17. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    As Rouge pointed out, ever person has a different meaning of a 'line' when it comes to this sort of play. Moreover, that line can move from scene to scene. However, as PE pointed out, I think it is something that has to be worked up to for everyone.

    It is interesting, because if you talked to Lovely about a year or more ago, she would have told you (as she told me multiple times), I will NEVER EVER be okay with being slapped in the face. Since then, she would probably tell you that she changed her tune a bit. Granted it is not a regular or even semi-regular part of our play; however, when she is with the boyfriend or myself, she has been slapped upside the face once or twice while playing around. Usually it kinda snaps her out of whatever subspace she is in or, if she is not moving towards some sort of subspace, it can be used to enhance the situation.

    I would suggest first having an open conversation with your partner as to what your partner deems acceptable masochistic behaviour. Each of you might take different acts differently. It should be used to enhance the relationship, not cause problems. Moreover, see what actions your partner likes. They may like biting or caning or paddling. Conversely, they may really really NOT like paddling or whatever. It is important to find a balance that works for both of you and satisfies both of your needs.

    If that fails to work, there is always having different partners to fulfill certain desires and needs such as that; but that is a whole 'nother story which we won't get into here.


    Good Luck :big grin:
     
  18. ShoverBot

    ShoverBot OT Supporter

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    Ive talked about it with the FWB, shes into it, i just havent worked up to doing it yet.
     
  19. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Well I definitely agree with the whole 'whatever you and your partner agree on' part. I guess my feelings on the subject are slightly more philosophical in regards to the morality of it. I mean if my partner and I both agreed to start slowly cutting off parts of her body, I think that would cross an ethical line. So I figure if causing a certain level of harm to another can be unethical even though both parties are willing participants, then where does that line end and why?

    That being said my girl and I have talked about it and are fairly comfortable with our situation. We don't discuss the morals and philosophy of it though. We didn't talk about it before we started though. We just kind of worked up to it rather quickly. She started responding to me being dominant then before long started resisting me causing me to be more forceful. Then even after I showed her I was physically dominant, she wouldn't keep her mouth shut, so I threatened her and she kept pushing me. It started with light taps, but she didn't submit until I started slapping her harder. So far that's as far as we've gone with violence though and those instances have been somewhat rare.
     
  20. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    Oooooooo, I LOVE IT! The ethical component. I see where you are going with this.

    I agree that this is a touchy subject. For myself, personally, I am not into cutting (although I do like playing with knives) or heavy asphyxiation because of the potential damage that it can cause.

    By that I mean, there are a lot of major veins and arteries along the surface of the skin and unless you know anatomy well, it is very easy to hit one of those. You hit one and you are possibly screwed. With asphyxiation, I know some of the people here go to the point of passing out. Personally, I do not condone this (although everyone can make their own decisions), simply because, when you pass out, it means you are not getting enough oxygen to the brain…..guess what…..that is a VERY bad thing! Therefore, I do not think it is a good idea.

    There are some other activities that could result in problems, such as rope play (because the rope easily tightens and cuts off circulation) and hardcore BDSM (as you could get broken bones or dislocations or whatever); however, I still do not think these activities cross any boundaries. Take Lovely for instance; she went out on Saturday night. Now, you can not touch her ass because it is so bruised and sensitive from being beat. Does that cross an ethical line? No, I do not think so as it was consensual and no permanent damage was caused. Is it for everyone? Certainly not. Therefore, the person in question comes into play a lot of the time. Consent is such a major part of these sorts of activities. State of mind comes into play a lot. Again, taking Saturday night. Lovely was at a BDSM event where they refuse to sell alcohol. Why? Because it impairs judgement and when you are doing such activities as that evening, nothing good comes from alcohol.

    Whenever you partake in these sorts of activities there are always risks involved. There have been situations whereby people have died from asphyxiation, rope bondage, cutting. However, I would argue that in most of these cases, people did not take the proper precautions and that is when accidences occur. Bruises heal, scratches close-up, burns (candles or whatever) heal and thus in my mind it is acceptable and completely ethical if both parties are consenting and KNOW the risks that are involved.
     
  21. Drunken Karnie Midget

    Drunken Karnie Midget In Yeo We Trust, All Others Pay Cash OT Supporter

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    I've got to ask, though you don't have to answer if you don't want to: Do you and your partner have a Safe Word? Some kind of signal that ends the whole game? basically a sign of true protestation, and not just play?
     
  22. Drunken Karnie Midget

    Drunken Karnie Midget In Yeo We Trust, All Others Pay Cash OT Supporter

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    *Fixed

    A note on Asphyxiation... to be honest, a person is going to pass out due to lack of oxygen after 45 seconds to 1.5 minutes (depending on their cardiopulmonary health.) For there to be any lasting damage to the brain (the primary concern with asphyxiation) there needs to be a lack of O2 for approximately 3-6 minutes, and death occurs somewhere between 6-10 minutes. All of these range estimates vary due to varying degrees of cardio-pulmonary health. The point i'm trying to make with this, is that the risks of asphyxiation, while very real, can also be easily avoided through simple attentiveness. You'll never see anything worse than bruises from partial asphyxiation, where the windpipe is squeezed but not completely cut off. As far as total asphyxiation... if your partner passes out, STOP! at that point they are completely unresponsive, meaning they're not enjoying the pleasurable aspects of what you're doing. Once the airway has been re-established, they WILL start breathing on their own (Breathing/heart beat, etc. are all automatic responses, which operate at a much lower level of consciousness, and won't be affected just by passing out for a short period of time) and it will be WELL under the danger lines for brain-damage or death. All those instances you hear about accidental death, or permanent damage, the Choker should be prosecuted for negligence at the very least...
     
  23. Phantom Empress

    Phantom Empress mmmmmm tasty!!!

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    That's where the "sane" comes in for "Safe, SANE, Consentual".

    for than that your moral delima is your own. you either get over the fact that " you are that kind of person that gets off on deliverin gpain in the sexual context". It doesn't make you a bad person if you both agree to it, are comfortable with it and it doesn't hurt any non-consenting parties.
     
  24. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    Thanks for the clarification Sociopath. And yes, there have been situations where an individual has been charged as a result of partaking in sexual fetishes. I know some for choking and rope stuff specifically; although I have heard of others as well.

    Always sign an affidavit that what is being performed is [FONT=&quot]consensual[/FONT]. LoL okay, probably not, but you know. It should be noted that in reality, the affidavit would mean absolutely nothing as the person could (and would) still be charged with negligible homicide.
     
  25. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Hmm. No safe word. The way we do things is kind of opposite to this idea, I suppose. Instead we have certain cues that indicate whether it is safe to proceed or not. Usually she'll do something bratty and I'll make a comment about her getting herself in trouble and she'll either tell me not to start or she'll push my buttons further. Those are my cues as to whether she is interested or not in continuing. I suppose there have been occasions when I've wanted to push boundaries that she wasn't ready to cross. In those situations she'll usually start talking to me really sweetly and asking me to be patient with her. This is pretty obviously a deviation for us because otherwise she'd be talking shit to me and struggling. Only other times she is sweet and begs is after I've put her in her place. So far she hasn't ever said "no" or "stop" while we've been doing this though. So if for some reason she did say those things I would definitely pay attention.
     

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