SRS Will she stay?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by J_Field07, Apr 16, 2007.

  1. J_Field07

    J_Field07 New Member

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    Hi

    I'm on my mid-forties, I have not been lucky when it comes to relationships, it's not that I’m some repressed man who’s never been on a relationship before, don't get me wrong. In fact, I had a couple of healthy relationships in the past, but for some reason they never worked out.
    For quite a while, after breaking up with my former partner, I know it sounds sentimental, but I started to lose faith in love because I really thought…that’s it, she’s the one. Well, I was mistaken.
    In consequence of that, I was advised to take this tour to Russia, as a way of relaxing and have a good time, because I was said that I’d meet beautiful women and have a good time. At first, I can’t deny I was doubtful about it, but after thinking it over I made up my mind; therefore, with nothing to lose (except for a couple of bucks) I went on the tour and indeed I met this gorgeous, smart and sincere woman, we just simply hit it off after meeting each other, we had the best time together while I was in Russia, and ever since I came back to the States we kept in touch almost every day by phone, chat, and e-mails.

    We’re on a one-year relationship now and I am very serious with her, I know it's hard to have long distance relationship, the fact of not being close one to the other is almost unbearable but we hang in there.
    Over the past year, I went back to visit her on three occasions and we also have talked about her moving to the States and she seems ok with it.
    Lately, I have been thinking about popping the question once she moves over, of course she doesn’t know about it.

    But here are my concerns:

    Do you think I am rushing things? Or should I just go for it and propose?
    I know it‘s hard to say, but do you think it will work. You know, my being American and her being Russian? Or is it that you think she will have a hard time adapting to America and she’ll just feel like going back to Russia because of homesickness or any other reason.

    I would really appreciate to shed some light on this matter.

    Thanks
     
  2. Jim Jones

    Jim Jones leave a message

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    I really think you should let her live here for a while before proposing. Give her time to adjust to life in America before you suggest another huge change in her life. :hs:
     
  3. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Whether she will stay, or have trouble adjusting to life in America is something only you can determine.

    We, not knowing her, would have no way of giving you an opinion on her particular reaction.

    There are things you could do to help ease the transition, but before we get into that I should like to say that you sound like a good, sincere man.

    And in that vein, I shouldn't like to see you be hurt.

    And so, even though I'm sure you're well aware of this, I will point out that the general track record of Russian brides coming to America and then either leaving once they've secured citizenship, or else being generally unhappy doesn't bode well for your future.

    I point this out not to be an ahole, but because this is an all too common outcome, and I think you've been thru enough crap already.

    Add in the fact that long-distance relationships magnify the romantic and gloss over the hundrum everyday, and you have relatively little basis to form a sound judgement on how she would be, once here.

    How are your other relationships, apart from this woman?
     
  4. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    I agree...
     
  5. daxtrader

    daxtrader New Member

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    Pop the damn question. Let her stay in america for a while? Why? To experiment with other dudes? You're in your mid-forties. Go for it. She'll adjust. She's not american.
     
  6. daxtrader

    daxtrader New Member

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    Jeezuz you guys are scaring the shit outta him. Don't hold back at this point. So far she hasn't given you a reason to doubt her. So go for it and stop wondering if it'll work out or not because lets face it, NO ONE CAN BE SURE.

    But for your safety, first sign of her having a change of heart, deport her ass.
     
  7. Fritzoes

    Fritzoes New Member

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    For sure, once someone is rushed with more than one BIG change in their life it usually causes doubts and a reason to start worrying.
     
  8. yourfather

    yourfather New Member

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    i ask myself the same questions,

    im 25, and my girlfriend lives in south east asia. which shoes would you rather be in?

    40, gf is russian and obviously speaks english
    me
    25, white, gf is indonesian, gf does not speak english.
     
  9. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Honestly, if all your relationships have ended in the past for "unknown reasons" then you have to figure THAT out first.

    Might I suggest something I just posted...

    Check out the Doc Love stuff, I suspect it'll help you the most.
     
  10. Singletraveler

    Singletraveler New Member

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    This other day I read this immigration report which I think it may be of your concern JField, it pretty much said that but marrying a foreign woman you have more than twice the chance of staying married than if you marry an American woman. It also said that, by marrying an American woman you have a greater 250% greater chance to get divorced.

    I don't know about man, but it seems the odds are on your side.

    if you want to see the report, there you go


    http://www.loveme.com/information/immigration.htm#Report
     
  11. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    YES!!! ABSOLUTELY!!!
    NO! Do NOT do this unless you enjoy misery.

    IMO that has something to do with it but what has more to do with it is that you don't know this chick. Yes, yes, I know...you REALLY love her. But I've seen this happen soo many times. It's called projection and all LDR are subject to it.
    She'll have an easy time adjusting till she gets her green card....then she'll drop you like a bad habit.

    I have a friend that tried to go the Russian bride thing and he had even managed to learn Russian before pursuing a bride. He got taken but thankfully for him it was only the cost of a trip to Sweeden. He didn't propose but he was thinking about it.

    Projection is a goofy thing but it comes up all the time in LDR. When that person isn't living close to you and you don't spend all the time together that couples do, you can project any good quality onto that person you want. Logic and talk with NOT overcome this projection. The only thing that will is spending non-holiday time together.

    The reason I say non-holiday time is that everytime you go there, it's a holiday...a break from both of your normal lives. Building a relationship on this is bad.

    My ex roomate (a chick...ima dude) just had to get married by 30. I mean she HAD to or something bad would happen. I dunno what but it would. Anyways, she meets the guy from New Jersey (we live in Oklahoma) and she falls head over heals for this guy. He comes here for visits and she goes there for visits and all that.

    THey claim to be soooo in love but she's always sooo glad when he leaves. He proposes and she accepts and they act as if everthing is fine....till they spend time together. THey can tolerate each other but just barely. I pointed this out to her and she shrugged and said we'll he's not a bad guy and I'm almost 30 so.....

    lol well apparantly he wasn't that nice of a guy cuz when he came to stay one time (about 4 days) they had a huge fight and broke up. He went back early adn the relationship ended quickly thereafter.

    So....you've been warned but you sound so in love that you'll prolly look at all these words I've typed and say....yeah but see we're different. We really talk about all this shit and we're really in love...you should see us together and blah, blah , blah.

    IMO if she moves her, have her get her own apartment AND do not propose for at least 6 months of her being here. You need time to seriously evaluate her as a wife when it's non-holiday time.
     
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2007
  12. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Wether she will stay or not is not the immediate issue. Its how you go into the relationship that is wrong. You should never go into a relationship expecting it to work out magically just because it concerns your particular case. Reality is that a girl can pack her bags and leave anyday. that doesn't mean you need to stop from living, but need to go into a relationship with the anticipation that things might go wrong. That way you are better prepared when stepping into a relationship.

    American citizenship is still very popular i myself even know a russian woman who'd got a green card by marriage then dumping the guy asap. Now as said above it might not happen, but its important that you anticipate such a reaction possibly happening.

    Middle aged men tend to put a lot more analyzation in their relationships from what i've seen, its also good to take a step back and look at the big picture here. For me there are a lot of green signs, exept that she might be using you for a green card is my biggest concern.
     
  13. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    You obviously have the OP confused with someone else. His OP was his first post evar!
     
  14. SixSecrets

    SixSecrets New Member

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    True Story.

    My brother met a Russian girl on line. They met. Yadda yadda. They got married. 4 years later they are still married. He was in his 40s. She goes back to Russia frequently. They seem happy. She found Russian friends here. None of the family have anything in common with her, but we do our best. Me thinks she thinks our family is an uncultured bunch of heathens. She has my brother taking dance lessons, they go to the opera, etc. Quite the change. My brother used to be a guy's guy, swilling beer, and now he's completely changed. She wants to move to a "big city" (i.e. NYC) because of the "cultural offerings". She also likes to shop. Who knows what will happen? I just sit back, don't say anything and watch the movie.
     
  15. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    I can't help feeling like your brother is in the minority tho.

    I don't have any stats to back that idea up.
     
  16. lycorisdew

    lycorisdew New Member

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    What if what you need in a relationship is that distance?
     
  17. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Re read the first three sentences in his first post evar.
     
  18. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    You know, there's good reason to be cautious about this situation as is mentioned by other responses here. You have to make your own judgement call about that because none of us will ever meet this lady for you. You've had the daily phone calls, you've paid the multiple visits with her, you've put in the time....

    At some point you need to decide if the risk is worth the reward. YES, she could be completely screwing with you and fuck you up after 2 years of marriage she goes POOF. I've heard it happen as well.

    On the flip side, you might have found a real angel (I'm sure even Russia has them) and this is an opportunity at a life you both really want. You will never know if this is the real thing unless you take that leap unfortunately.

    Here's something I would suggest...when she comes to visit or move in with you, have her meet your friends and family. They can view her objectionably and give you honest advice what they think. If you can't trust your own judgement right now, have these people help you.
     
  19. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    I did....I guess my last response was based on this comment by you
    Oh well...no worries....sorry if I sounded rude.
     
  20. J_Field07

    J_Field07 New Member

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    I really appreciate the feedback from well.... most of you . Sorrry I took too long in replying.

    That's a good piece of advice, I will take it into consideration. As for the previous comment I'm sure It won't happen that way.
     
  21. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    While the stereotype can hold true, there are always exceptions to the rule. It all comes down to the relationship you share. Culture barriers will be harder to bridge than if you were to find an American girl, for sure.

    FWIW, a friend of ours did the stereotypically unthinkable - went to Russia to attend a friend's wedding, and met a smart and pretty Russian girl. Fell in love. Returned several times to visit her. Got registered in Russia, which is the equivalent of getting married at the city hall. They returned here and had a wedding. They're still happily married several years later - they just had a son a short while ago.

    So, it can work. With the right girl. Are you 100% sure she's the right girl?
     
  22. EKorosteleva

    EKorosteleva New Member

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    Hello

    I'm new on the board, if it's of any help to you, I myself am a Russian woman. I have been married to an American for more than 8 years. Also I associate with a group of about 100 Russian women that have married American men. So far I have only known of three divorces out of almost 100 couples. That is a far cry from my husband’s friends who are almost all divorced from American women.

     
  23. EKorosteleva

    EKorosteleva New Member

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    Hello

    I'm new on the board, if it's of any help I myself am a Russian woman. I have been married to an American for more than 8 years. Also I associate with a group of about 100 Russian women that have married American men. So far I have only known of three divorces out of almost 100 couples. That is a far cry from my husband’s friends who are almost all divorced from American women.

     
  24. level99

    level99 Guest

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