will a female or somebody in a female's mind give me a clue

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by jmx2323, Sep 28, 2006.

  1. jmx2323

    jmx2323 OT Supporter

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    Ill preface this with some history
    -4 yrs ago dated a girl for a while, fell completly for her, she was coming off a long relationship which was very difficult/abusive etc, and we broke up
    -stayed friends since she has dated a lot of people, i dated one person for 3.5 yrs, both of us are single now me for 6 month her about 4.
    -about a month ago we talked about how I was right guy wrong time in the past and how she never really wanted to break it off but she had to.
    -I was talking with her today online and I was telling her how I wout ever be talking to my ex again beacuse she dident want to be firneds and is difficult all the way around

    THEN TODAY SHE PULLS THIS:

    HER: I was gonna mention something the other night to you.. but was too chicken to even say anything.. but now i see how you look at things and how you feel about kelly still im glad i never mentioned it.. which is fine...

    HER: Maybe she will look more appealing when you come back home.

    ME: huh?

    HER:what

    ME: was gonna say what?

    HER: you remember that talk we had a few weeks back? well its had me thinking.. and i obviously have asked about kelly well i guess i always do.. but this was seeing where you 2 stood.. I was gonna ask you if you wanted to hang out like a date kinda thing... just to see if i was being dumb or anything.. then i thought it could damage our friendship and thne i was like nah.. and its not like i was asking for anything because youll be gone before i would even have a chance to think twice.. but now i see how you really see kelly and im just glad i never said anything..

    HER: now i feel dumb.. so please dont be mad or angry at me.

    ME): im confused, becasue i never said i was going back out with kelly or was trying to, i just said i never ruled it out

    HER: i can tell you still have feelings for her.. thats why ive been hesitant

    ME: i spent 3.5 yrs wit her...im sure you still have feeling for todd

    HER (6:29:40 PM): i know you spent 3.5 years with her.. i remember it like yesterday believe me.

    ME: why, i would have said yes in a minuite

    HER:why would you have said yes? and why would it take a whole 60 secs

    HER: hahah jk

    ME: becasue for about 59 seconds I would have been stunned




    then just small talk about how I was unlucky in the past and that I would have never seen this coming then she says we will talk about it later on we both had stuff we needed to do


    here is the kicker: I leave in 2 months for Officer Training School in the Air Force

    so where do I go from here, becasue I would love nothing more then to be with her, but I dont know if she really wants it or not
     
  2. kiz

    kiz New Member

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    I'd say forget her and go to officer training. she shouldn't be asking you out. if you like a chick, take her out and do your thing. you need to be more masculine in every way. you need to be setting the tone, the date, when everything happens,etc.
     
  3. jmx2323

    jmx2323 OT Supporter

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    O im leaving no matter what, But I just never even thought that she even wanted anything more then the friendship we have had for the last 4 yrs. Thats why I never made a move and this caught me way off gaurd. But maybe I could/should take some initiative.
     
  4. fray

    fray New Member

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    haha....sounds like me and my bf. We've been friends for 15 years, with mutual crushes, and never really came out and said anything. Always in a relationship or something, and it just never happened even when it had the opportunity. We finally got together this summer.

    I think she's giving you an opening. If you're into her, go for it!
     
  5. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    Don't do it.

    While you're in training, you need to keep your mind focused on that, and believe me, a girlfriend can keep your mind off of things, when you're wondering if she is out fucking other guys.

    She'll be there after you get done.
     
  6. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    my advice is to not ask women for advice on women
     
  7. jmx2323

    jmx2323 OT Supporter

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    I see what your saying I know her very well and she is intensly loyal to her BF's, but when I get done ill be in either San Antonio or Pensacola....either way i wont be close, so if there is anytime to start something I think all I have is now
     
  8. jmx2323

    jmx2323 OT Supporter

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    i wouldent try to ask a guy what a womans thiking...that never works
     
  9. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    you are asking the wrong guys. There are some people on here who have a really good idea, actually ie Socrates for starters since he is posting in your thread.
     
  10. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    I got with my girlfriend 2 months before I started a deployment. Believe me, the only thing on your mind is her. Especially since it is only two months, you will still be high with love and infatuation.

    As someone in the military who has been away a lot, don't do it. I have seen too many guys lose it because of girls.

    I'm just talking from experience. Every situation is different. Do what you feel is right.
     
  11. jmx2323

    jmx2323 OT Supporter

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    you make a lot of sense, I could just wait, not like I would miss soemthing I dont have.

    I just dont know where any of it came from, she said she dident want to tell me, all i did was ask and she came right out with it....
     
  12. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    its not the right time. She'll always be worried about you still having feelings for your ex. Let her know (via action not conversation) that you want nothing further to do with the ex, dont talk about her all the time, then make your move.
     
  13. Toda Party

    Toda Party .....

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    Women can give some great advice -IF- it's on the right subject. I believe this is one where women can and will give honest help. Although, not knowing all of the details could make a huge difference in the accuracy.
     
  14. jmx2323

    jmx2323 OT Supporter

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    yeah she says that she thinks I still have feeling for my GF but had I not said anything about my ex she would have never even told me about her feelings
     
  15. fray

    fray New Member

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    I freak out about that same thing. I think it makes it harder when you know that you've wanted to be with a guy and instead of making the move and asking you out, he dated other people instead. Like he had the balls to make the move on them, but not you. So you wonder what's wrong with you, and why he never did anything. That's how I feel. And I was a little hurt that I was right here all along and was overlooked. I felt like the ex had something up on me and worried that he thought more about her/still had feelings/whatever.

    If you are only going to move further away, then now is the time to start something. It'll be hard when you leave, but at least you will have some together time at the beginning to decide whether it's worth it.

    Letting you know that she's jealous about the ex also lets you know she's interested you in a beyond-a-friend sort of way.
     
  16. jmx2323

    jmx2323 OT Supporter

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    that all makes a lot of sense, thing was she broke up with me way back when and I felt lucky just to keep her as a friend. Therefore I never tried becasue I thought that would push her away. Here is the only other relevant part of the conversation.


    ME:when we had that talk the other day, all i kept thinking was how unlucky i was, and thought that was the end of it

    HER: did you think at sometime i would have come around? and how are you unlucky? we are friends.. im still here.. AFTER everything

    ME: see i always figured you never really liked me like a BF, then you said all that, that one day .... and I was like well if all that is the case I was simply have the worst timing of anybody i know

    HER: i never thought of you badly.. still never do.. why do you think i like hanging out with... seriously.. i have the most fun with you.. than anybody.. and all we do is hang out lol...

    ME: yeah but seriously i never thought i would have any chance with you as a dating thing again

    ME: not that i do

    ME: but u know what i mean

    HER: i dont know why you would that little of yourself.

    ME:maybe its not that i think that little of myself but that i think so highly of you

    HER: awh jason.

    HER: i really dont know why... but thank u.

    ME: i just always have
     
  17. fray

    fray New Member

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    Well, I would say kinda forget about the past stuff. How long ago was that? I never dated my BF before, but like I said, we came close. He used to come and visit and sleep over and cuddle and almost act like a boyfriend and then stuff just stopped.

    I think it's kinda good that it held off. I think we had some stuff we needed to do on our own first. We (at least I know I was) were in different places then and I think I have changed, not a lot, but in important ways since then. I'm not sure it would've worked out before, longterm. Maybe that is similar for you. Things weren't quite right for you guys to be together then, but now you've lived a little and realized what you want, and things will be better now for that fact. Does that makes sense?

    Still makes it hard to accept the fact that someone you have liked for a while has been with someone other than you, even if that's true.
     
  18. jmx2323

    jmx2323 OT Supporter

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    how long ago did we date....like 4 yrs ago. I know I was not ready for a long term relationship 4 yrs ago, then I had one for a long time and she had a year long relationship and both of ours ended in the last 6 months. I was always aware of her new bf's thing was I would always meet them in some way or another and I would always hear how much they disliked me hanging out with her. I guess ill have to talk with her tomorrow see what she thinks.
     
  19. fray

    fray New Member

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    Yeah, 4 years is a long time... lots of things change in between then, like you said. And then the timing is off and you're dating other people even if you realize you want to be with them... blah blah blah.

    Believe me... we were retarded about it. We talked around the issue for years. and I was still feel like I was the one that finally had to bring it up. I always used to test the waters though.... ask random questions about sex or thoughts on girls or whatever to see if we "matched up". Got especially bad the week or two before we finally started dating... I was going crazy. Notice any of that? Kinda sounds like it a little...like she's trying to lay it out there, without actually bringing it up in case you don't feel the same.

    Let me know how it turns out. I'd be interested to hear. Worked out good for me! Good luck to you!
     
  20. jmx2323

    jmx2323 OT Supporter

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    does sound like that..........during the whole conversation she was sending me links to clothes/lingere she might buy to see if I liked them and she always asked whats going on with my ex. you might just be right
     
  21. fray

    fray New Member

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    hahaha...i used to do that all the time too!! He never picked up on it. When I tell him now, he's like "god I feel so stupid. I never even realized it." I think you've got your mind so set on the fact that you're seen as just a friend, you never consider the possibility that she might be looking at it differently. And you're afraid to make a move cuz you don't want to mess it up. And she won't make more of a move because she's sending signals that you're not responding to already due not wanting to mess it up!

    I hope that's how it is for you two. I'm so happy now. I can't believe we waited this long!!
     
  22. Spinkick

    Spinkick Active Member

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    Im the boyfriend she is talking about. So..

    "I am Travis, and I endorse this thread"

    PS: Don't wait for her, just go for it if you want. Find out how you guys feel about long distance Re: Officer training.
     
  23. jmx2323

    jmx2323 OT Supporter

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    well ill have to see what happens, I guess I never thought I would make it out of the FRIENDSZONE, ill definatly leave an update when there is one
     
  24. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    I would think long and hard about why you broke up in the first place, if those reasons really have changed or if you just want them to have changed, and be sure that you're not just rationalizing your desire.

    As a general rule, it's just never a good idea to go back to an ex. Maybe you are the exception, but don't fool yourself.
     
  25. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    First off, you are SO deeply friendzoned she likely will never get back to you. Second, the reason why you are friendzoned is because you talk to her online and not in person, you talk about personal problems, and worst you talk about your ex's.

    You're WAY too serious with her. And you're talking about romantic issues, which is what girls do with their friends. Guys don't talk about relationships! I mean, REALLY, how often do you and your best male friend IM each other and talk about your ex's? Never? Exactly. So the problem is that you are acting like a girl, which is essentially asexual for her. It's not attractive.

    So along that line of thinking, even if you tried to get back with her, the chances are slim - in my opinion - that she'd go for it. :(
     

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