Wife problems

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Nucleartiger, Nov 27, 2007.

  1. Nucleartiger

    Nucleartiger Clemson makes my nipples hard

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    I have been talking about this a little bit in the Asylum since it seems to be related to depression but now I am not so sure that it isn't something else.


    My wife and I have been married almost 7 years now, dating for about 10 years and sexually active for 8 of those.

    Things started out great physically, we would have sex multiple times in a day, oral sex often, sex in public (road head, head at a rest area as people walked by. sex on the side of the interstate. As we got married it didn't change too much, but as the years have progressed and now with 3 children it has gotten progressively worse over the last 2 or 3 years. It used to be that we would have sex a couple times a week, oral sprinkled in here and there. We could be watching a movie on TV or at the theater and she would get really horny and we would go at it right there on the couch or make out in the theater and then do it when we got home. If we were apart at all she would really make up for the time missed with an amazing bj and then great sex afterwards. It slowly started dieing away to sex every other week and no oral at all (give or receive) except on our anniversary and my birthday.

    When we talked about it she said that she thought that oral sex was disgusting and has never really enjoyed it just did it because she knew that I enjoyed it. Things have now progressed to the point where it has been averaging about 3 weeks between sex and I didn't even get sex on my 30th birthday and then she went out of town for a month.

    When I get home from work I go to give her a kiss and hug like we have done since we first got married and she gives me a quick peck and as soon as my arms close around her she shrugs me off and walks away. I have talked to her to see what is wrong and she just says that she has no interest whatsoever in being touched, she even said that she doesn't even want sex anymore, I think her actual words were that she could never have sex again and it wouldn't bother her.

    She talked to her doctor about it and the doctor ran a bunch of tests and gave her a depression booklet which she pretty much maxed out her answers on, so the Doctor has put her on Fluoxetine (Prozac) and she is supposed to start seeing a therapist this week.

    So I figured it is all just part of her depression and anxiety (thats what the booklet scores say she has) but then she was talking to her mother over dinner and just happened to mention that she had been searching for an old friend online. I wouldn't have a problem with that except it is the guy that always loved and everyone thought she would be with when they were growing up. The last time that I know that they talked was right after we were married and he had told her that he cared for her and wanted to start seeing her, she told me that she told him that he was too late, that he knew how she felt about him back then, but that she is married now.

    So really what I am struggling with is how should I take the fact that she was recently trying to find her "first love" online? She has vehemently denied that our lack of a physical relationship has anything to do with me and our marriage but would this give any of you out there any pause in believing that? I haven't asked her about why she was trying to find him because she looked at me right after she told her mom that like she forgot I was there and said " I was just looking to see if they were back in the states or still overseas" (father is an ambassador or some shit)

    As far as the rest of our marriage is concerned (cause I know someone would ask), I make good money, she cooks the dinner during the week and I clean the kitchen afterwards, I keep the kids so she can have a girls night whenever she wants, have kept the kids (4,2, and 1) for almost an entire week so she could go visit family, I help out with everything around the house and treat her very well. Her friends all tell her all the time how they wish their husbands did as much for them/supported them like I do her.

    CLIFFS:

    7 year marriage, physical side of relationship has been dieing slowly, she was diagnosed with depression and anxiety by Family MD, and she was actively looking up her "first love" what should I think?
     
  2. Sexual Vanilla

    Sexual Vanilla New Member

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    I was understanding up until the "first love" part. That reeks of bullshit in my opinion. Keep an eye out.

    P.S.
    SC crew holla
     
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2007
  3. Nucleartiger

    Nucleartiger Clemson makes my nipples hard

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    Thats what I am saying. I have been completely understanding, not pushing her for sex, letting the fluoxetine run its course and her therapist to try and pan out but that little slip about looking for his info online really makes me wonder.

    SC CREW!!!
     
  4. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    you dated 2 years without sex.... wow.

    this one just doesnt sound good. you know if you give her girls night too often some night shes not going to come home.

    maybe you should get her to get a fuckin job. That usually will help relieve depression, makes her feel like she is worth something
     
  5. Nucleartiger

    Nucleartiger Clemson makes my nipples hard

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    She has a job working at a daycare 5 days a week. Unless her friends are covering for her I don't think that she is using the girls night to get some on the side, since they all come over to out house before they go out.
     
  6. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    hmmmmm i dont know then; id be sketched out by this character shes tracking down. go into the computers and programmer forum and get a key logger link from one of them.

    that would solve your prob if she is IMing all day to the new boy
     
  7. harleysilo

    harleysilo New Member

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    If her girl friends are anything like my old friends they'd cover. GPS track her LOL.
     
  8. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    To be very honest with you, this doesn't sound like depression, sounds far too sketchy, for your wife to say "she's not interested in being touched?" ... An issue in the bedroom especially an issue with Intimacy for lovers is a HUGE warning sign for issues outside of the bedroom.... There is distance building and obviously tension.

    Key Logging.... Perhaps this might be a good idea, unless you want a hire a Dick... ( I know it sounds silly, but it isn't ).....

    Does she have a reason to be depressed? Is she talking to you about it? Does she have a history of it? Is she not concerned about whats happening, is she just shrugging it off?

    She needs to know where you stand firmly on the issue, and firmly YOU must STAND.....

    Something just doesn't sound right, unless you're leaving a lot out. A woman who was interested in maintaining a fruitful relationship would be the first concerned about such things happening.

    As for the b/j thing? So she did it because she knew you loved it and made you feel great, then what has changed in her heart/mind to not want to make you feel great anymore, or to feel it isn't necessary? Complaisance? Lack of romance? You have become a doormat?
     
  9. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Maybe, maybe not. Girlfriends are used as the #1 alibi. Lol on OT there was a huge thread from a forum of wives who cheat on their men and have affairs, they were all giving one another advise on how to use their g/f's as alibi's.

    Regardless you can be 100% certain, this searching for her First Love, has MUCH to do with her recent behavioral changes. Sounds to me like you're being far too lenient. What on earth does she need with her first love? If she's willing to sabotage things with you for this, then well maybe you need to have some quick decisions made.

    and friend, OBVIOUSLY she's going to deny everything, are you from earth?
     
  10. Nucleartiger

    Nucleartiger Clemson makes my nipples hard

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    Yeah I read that yesterday. I just don't get that vibe from them though.
     
  11. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Obviously you don't, no one ever does, that's the point.
    You honestly don't have to be a rocket Science to figure out something seriously fishy is happening here... and the likely hood is that it has to do with what you want it not to have to do with.

    It's natural for you to want to not believe and to deny, and I know you don't have a lot to go on, but what you have to go on, is more than enough evidence for me.

    You have to know women, speak womanese, understand motives and how they think, we are all different creatures.

    Sounds to me like you're lacking back-bone my friend, that is never attractive. I wish you the best. :hs:

    Cliffs: This is 99% surely not depression. Depression is often used as an excuse for so many things, what causes depression, well usually we bring it upon ourselves. Sounds like you serve her on a golden platter, and she's taking advantage/for granted.
     
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2007
  12. Nucleartiger

    Nucleartiger Clemson makes my nipples hard

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    I thought much the same about there being problems in the rest of our relationship because of the change in our sex life but she vehemently denies that it has anything to do with our relationship.

    The only reason that I can think that she would be depressed is postpartem depression after having our kids but then again she wants more so I don't know what to think there.

    Her change in attitude is perplexing due to the fact that even though she says that she thinks it is gross she used to absolutely love doing it. Even now when she does actually do it she really gets into it and you can tell that she is enjoying the hell out of it. So to me she just seems to contradict the hell out of herself.

    As far as being a doormat I am far from that in that I do have say in what we do and when I just don't control her to the point where she can't hang out with her friends or anything like that.

    I tried to change things up a little bit and see if that helped in any way. I suggested doing things for each other that would make each other more sexually appealing/make us want each other more. To that end we have both lost weight, me 30 pounds her 20 pounds, She doesn't like to shave downstairs but I asked her if she would consider it and even though she had done it previously for an ex-bf because he wanted her to she said that she would never do that again.

    I suggested bringing toys into the mix to see if that would be something that could spark a little interest and she said no to that.
     
  13. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Brother, sounds like you're missing what I wrote entirely. I know it's difficult. You'll get there soon enough. Once again, She WILL deny it, that is a given, that is what women do especially when they don't want to immediately lose you.

    How is your relationship otherwise? Good? If you went to give her a hug/kiss and she brushed you off, thats not a very good sign. If this continues to happen and she only grows colder you know something is up.

    Anyways, this isn't really that difficult, its your inability to accept and your desire to deny that makes it such. Things are often much simpler in truth, perhaps the reason is right in front of you.

    GL
     
  14. Nucleartiger

    Nucleartiger Clemson makes my nipples hard

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    No I got what you wrote but I am not one to think that all women are cheating whores right off the bat. Trust me when I say that if I were just going to sit here and take having a roommate vice a wife then you are sadly mistaken, its because of me that she has taken the steps that she has to talk to the doctor and start seeing a therapist.
     
  15. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    I never said all women are whores, that's only the general opinion of the countless virgins and pussy hurt spineless men of OT. However that doesn't negate that cheating is common, and your situation sounds all too familiar.

    As for her taking "your" advise to seek help, that's the issue, it's your advise, it should have been on her own accord if she was interested in developing/saving your marriage. :hsugh:
     
  16. Nucleartiger

    Nucleartiger Clemson makes my nipples hard

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    I can definitely see your point there. I guess the disconnect between your thinking and mine at this point is that I know how reserved and introverted my wife has always been. She has never been one to open up to someone that she doesn't know. That and she also didn't seem to recognize that there was problem until she actually talked to the doctor and the doctor told her that yes that definitely wasn't a normal thing. All she was doing was talking to her mother who went through something similar and her mother just told her that it was normal to go through stretches like that.

    NOTE: that might have been some important info to know but not sure what info is needed on here so please ask questions if you have any.
     
  17. Emfuser

    Emfuser Nuclear Moderator Super Moderator

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    You guys could probably benefit greatly from joint (couples) therapy. Have you given that any real consideration?
     
  18. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    werd. id get one of those car GPSs that you can put in the wheel well.
     
  19. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    i think that b/c i prove it to myself entirely too often by sleeping w/girls w. bfs, fiances or who are just strangers......

    if she meets a guy like me or Ware_ru shes in trouble.

    and lets not lie her, this is your first experience with a woman. shes your 'first love'. you wouldnt know how to read it anyway.

    introverts get laid too. opening up to someone is different than sexing them up,

    Also girls with emotional probs are 10x more likely to cheat in my personal experience the crazier the sluttier.
     
  20. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

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    Something doesn't sound right or add up. For her to NEVER want sex EVER again is complete bullshit. For her to not want to be touched is complete bullshit. I'm not sure why she would say that tho. Sadly if you have to start tracking her where abouts or you stop trusting her then odds are you already have doubt in the relationship and it's just time before it fails.

    She doesn't seem to value the family bond like yourself. Is she REALLY depressed. If you have been with someone for 10 years you can tell.
     
  21. T-R-T

    T-R-T New Member

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    She's probably cheating on you or looking to.
     
  22. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    :werd:

    Also fellatio for many women is an even more sacred/personal sexual act, more so than intercourse, it requires them to really "feel" you in order to want to perform fellatio on you. If she stops all of a sudden it's because she is distancing herself from you emotionally.

    ~ Actually your whole story sounds very familiar to me, it was the one time I know I was cheated on, was also very trusting, things got fishier, she got more distant etc etc, eventually I just broke up with her and found out that she was in fact seeing her (ex)... meanwhile, denying to me with all her soul that anything was going on, and also going to a doctor to see what was wrong with her LOL
     
  23. Nucleartiger

    Nucleartiger Clemson makes my nipples hard

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    Yeah I suggested it but her response was that there was nothing wrong with our relationship so there was no need to go.
     
  24. T-R-T

    T-R-T New Member

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    There is no problem in her mind because she likes it this way.
     
  25. Nucleartiger

    Nucleartiger Clemson makes my nipples hard

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    haha I don't know where you got that she was my first love or experience with a woman.

    I have had plenty of experience with women prior to her, what I was saying when I said the "first love" comment is that was how she referred to a boy that she grew up with and always thought that she would end up marrying. His dad keeps a house in Va and they live overseas somewhere as an ambassador for stretches of time and she was apparently trying to find out if he was overseas or living in Va again.
     

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