Wife..Drunk..Kiss

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by niSssEanR, Jan 10, 2010.

  1. niSssEanR

    niSssEanR OT Supporter

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    My wife and I have been dating for 5 years and will be married for 1 come May.

    We used to live in Cali, now in Oregon. When we moved here she made some friends. 2 out going girls who I like as friends. One is Bi and open about it. My wife, gf at the time, got more open with be sexual after hanging out with them. I like that :x:.

    Wife and I would joke about 3somes, my wife being a lez.. Since she was real good friends with these two.

    It led us to talk about her kissing a woman, sexing a woman, etc. You know.. A guy's every dream to have his wife bring another woman home. I never thought it would happen. My wife isn't really like it. I just give her shit for having a bi friend.

    An old neighbor of ours, Her, her friend and my wife have gone out a few times. I know the 'her friend' not that well. Meet her 3 times. Real cool, down to earth woman.

    We all go out last night, Old neighbor, her friend, wife and I. Bar hoping, getting shitty. We close the club down.

    On the way home, I drop the two off. Wife and I heading home. She tells me she kissed 'her friend'. I say OK. Wife ask if it turns me on. I said.. Not really. I see 'her friend' more as a friend, not really attracted to her. My wife then asked me, is that cheating? I said depends on who you ask.

    I really didn't think my wife would ever do that.

    I proceed to tell her how she is different when she is drunk. More open with friends and I don't care for it(don't get me wrong, got to have a good time with friends, but she will do/act/say more things when drunk than she ever would sober).

    She got mad at me last night for the way I responded to the situation. I was a little mad. My wife out dancing, kissing this girl.. Cut and dry, that is border line on the cheating/starting to cheat side.

    Question is.. How should I feel? Did I think wrong?

    I would have never thought she would kiss the 'her friend'. I am not sure how i would have reacted if it was her bi friend.. But I wouldn't have been as surprised.
     
  2. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    It seems to me like you were giving her mixed messages about it. From what I understood, you joked around like it was okay for her to do those things with her friends, and then when she did, thinking you had no issues with it, you got angry. I can see why she is upset at you.

    And I don't understand why it would have been different with the bi friend as opposed to one that is straight. And I would say most people get more outgoing when they drink, and it's silly to think she is bad for it, unless she is going out and getting with other guys. I'm sure you are a different person drunk than you are sober too.
     
  3. Jacy

    Jacy red lipstick brigade

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    :werd:
    I think she's rightfully upset with you, because you don't seem to know what you want. You should talk to her about what you want and where the lines are.

    So you don't consider it cheating when you're attracted to the woman that she'd be kissing as demonstrated by your attitude towards the idea of her kissing her bi friend, and it's cheating to you when you aren't attracted to the woman. :ugh2:
     
  4. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    When you say she kissed a "friend" it was a female, right?
     
  5. Leaden Grudge

    Leaden Grudge OT Supporter

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    I agree with this. You two should set up rules about this sort of thing. What's ok and what's not, if she should ask first, if you'd rather be there when it happens etc.
     
  6. wax

    wax New Member

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    By making it cut and dry like this she will clearly know whether she is out of line or not.
     
  7. CorpseStreet

    CorpseStreet New Member

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    Your wife was right to get upset. You make it seem as if you would enjoy if your wife kissed another woman but then get upset when she actually does it because you aren't attracted to the woman. What is your wife supposed to think? Then when she asks if it's cheating you don't give her a straight answer. You also shouldn't get on your wife's case because of how she acts more outgoing when she is drunk, that's basically how everyone acts while drunk. Get over it.

    If you guys ever try adding another person into things make sure you discuss it thoroughly for a while before trying anything.
     
  8. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    Is the bi friend attractive??

    I think we pretty much assumed it was since the thread is all about lesbians and bi-sexual girls.
     
  9. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Of course it's cheating, dude. Just because it's a woman and not a man doesn't magically change the rules.

    And those criticizing him for giving mixed signals...ok, you're right, he HAS sent her mixed signals, but it doesn't sound as if they have had a serious talk about whether or not it was ok for her to go out and kiss a friend. So, if a serious talk hasn't happened where they laid down some ground rules, then it's still not HIS fault that she just went ahead and did it without talking to him about it...despite how many mixed signals he's sent.
     
  10. niSssEanR

    niSssEanR OT Supporter

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    Great points.. Thanks for all the input!

    I don't know how i would have reacted with her bi friend.. But i would have expected it more with her.

    I do see how i gave mixed messages. Didn't think about it from that stand point.

    After reading the reviews, I do see from her side.

    Thanks again for all the advice. Greatly appreciated!!
     
  11. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    BS. He is just pissed that the whole thing didn't happen when he was there or that the girl was not attractive. I totally agree with girls that it was his fault for giving mixed signals.
     
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2010
  12. Toxica

    Toxica New Member

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    I don't think she thought it was wrong since it was with a female, and she probably thought it would turn you on. If it upsets you then let her know how you feel about it, so she won't do it again. If she does kiss her again, knowing you don't like it, then that would be cheating.
     
  13. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    Yea, I feel that he wanted in on the action, especially by his "every man's dream" comment and when he didn't get in on the action with a girl he thought was attractive, then he was angry.

    Yes, your gf kissing another girl can be seen as cheating, viper is right it is not just for one gender, but when you throw in the rest of the story, it gets hazy. You can't express interest in an idea, no matter how not "serious" the talk was and then turn around and get pissed off because you didn't have that serious talk.

    It just goes to show that if you have mixed feelings about a sexual issue that it should be talked about first.
     
  14. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Giving mixed signals is no excuse for her to go out and kiss someone else without discussing and coming to an agreement first. If she had kissed another guy, the Vag would be all over this talking about how she cheated on him and to dump her ass. But because it's another girl it's somehow ok.

    Which is bullshit. No, it's not ok for your partner to go kiss someone else unless you specifically agree that it's ok to do so beforehand. Mixed signals are not enough to just go do your own thing.
     
  15. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    If she is not a real bi, she probably doesn't feel like kissing another girl is cheating because it is different and not that enjoyable for her. When I am in a relationship I barf at the idea of kissing or doing things with another guy but I do not feel the same at all about being with another girl. It's just different in my opinion. She might have felt the same and with all the things her husband told her, she thought it was ok to do that and a turn on for her guy.
     
  16. Alaya

    Alaya Active Member

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    :werd:

    To me, it almost sounds like she did it because you thought it'd be hot/you liked it. She said she didn't have any particular interest in it in the past, but you thought it was so hot, etc. Even the fact that she asked, "Did you think it was hot??" all points to her basically doing it because she thought you'd like it.

    Even if your response you say, "I told my wife that I really only see her friend as a 'friend,' not really attracted to her." Umm, if you're pissed about her kissing another woman period, then who gives a fuck what YOU think of the girl? You're being completely inconsistent here. Are you implying had the friend been super hot and you were attracted to her it would've been okay because you thought maybe it'd lead to you getting in on the action?

    :rolleyes:

    Holy mixed signals batman.
     
  17. drock1042

    drock1042 New Member

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    to OP: You said your wife had gone out with her friend several times but you never mentioned that you went along. So I am assuming you didn't? I am not trying to stir the pot up, but do you think she was 100% honest with you that nothing ever happened on those times that it was just her and her friend, or what they were doing for the night?

    They could have gone to a lesbian bar for all you know. Your wife's desire to be with another woman seems to be pretty evident (her dancing with, kissing another woman.) It also seems that, on the good side, that she wants to explore this forbidden fantasy with you. While cool, it could just generate more problems than good things.

    Like a lot of people have said, communication is the thing. Yes, it is cheating but the same rules about what is OK and what's not need to be firmly established. Be strong! Remember you two are MARRIED, not just a couple out to swing. If you want your marriage to last then set the boundaries. But also be prepared to deal with what comes out of those boundaries..
     
  18. niSssEanR

    niSssEanR OT Supporter

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    I do put both us at blame.. But more me. I led her on to think i would like. I have never been in the situation. Maybe i am upset since we didn't talk about it.. and she did it behind my back.. thinking i would like it.

    Im sure if she came up to me and said, would it be hot if i kiss her? Can i? I would have called her bluff.. and prolly liked it.

    I am not mad cuz i wasn't involved in it. More so.. a behind the back move.

    Im not saying she is a cheater.. Nor have she led me to not believe her at anytime in our whole history together.

    All said and done..

    We will talk. How she felt.. how i felt.. boundaries.. Like i said, if she had asked.. I prolly would have been ok. But, i feel it was a shady move on her part, but i honestly believe she wanted to try it.. and she honstly thought i would like it.
     
  19. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

    OMFG GUYS!!!! I'm having a girls night out tonight and dancin' with my friends! I GUESS THAT MEANS I WANT TO GO LEZ OUT!

    That is so dumb. I dance with my girlfriends all the time because it is fun, not because I am secretly hoping that she will come on to me.
     
  20. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    You seem to be attracted to the fantasy of 2 women and you having sex but when it comes down to the reality, you're turned off by the idea. Perhaps it was just this woman and not someone else.

    Your wife getting drunk and doing things you don't like is likely to be an issue for awhile. IMO you would do yourself and your relationship a benefit to work on those aspects of your relationship with a pro. It might be just normal shit but your feelings may also be an indication of more deep seated issues.

    How should you feel? Well you feel what you feel and if you don't want your wife engaging in this behavior, say so. If you do, then you can't later say, "WTF?" But it sounds like you know that.

    And I honestly disagree that it's every guys fantasy to have FFM threesomes. I know plenty of normal, well adjusted and cool dudes that are completely not interested in this at all. You sound like you're struggling with this also. It's perfectly OK for you to not want a threesome under any circumstances. It doesn't make you gay or abnormal.
     
  21. GammaRadiation

    GammaRadiation Active Member

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    If was for her pleasure and your entertainment, not cheating. If it was for her pleasure and nothing more, cheating.

    Given the situation, you led her to believe it was OK. That being said, would it have been a different story if you were there to watch?
     
  22. BigC

    BigC New Member

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    :hsugh::hsugh::hsugh:
     
  23. niSssEanR

    niSssEanR OT Supporter

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    I think it would have been different if i was able to watch... or if she asked.. What you think about me kissing her..
     
  24. GammaRadiation

    GammaRadiation Active Member

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    Then just explain to her that the joking about it was a misunderstanding. If its a show/you get to participate then cool. Her running around behind you making out with chicks is a little :ugh: to me too.
     
  25. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    My fiance asked the exact same question a few years ago when his ex girlfriend admitted (thinking it was sexy) she had been making out with her "girl friend" while changing right before they came down to all go swimming. A few weeks later they broke up.

    IMO, there's a massive difference between your wife kissing her friend in private, and kissing her friend in front of you with your approval.
     

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