SRS Why you shouldn't bring flowers or gifts on a FIRST DATE:

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by DiggityDogg, Aug 9, 2006.

  1. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    First off, read this from a Dating site that is Pro Flowers, but against Flowers for a first date:

    http://www.sharpman.com/Article.asp?ArticleID=505

    Women Love Flowers
    Yup, on the scale of romantic gestures guaranteed to score you points, flowers are pretty high up there. In fact, among the SharpWomen we polled, only jewelry rated higher. (I personally prefer SharpMan Media stock options, but let’s not get into that here.)

    When to Give Flowers

    Anytime. Really. According to SharpWomen polled, spontaneous flowers (like any spontaneous act of affection) rank as one of the most romantic gestures out there. Women love to be pleasantly surprised by a beautiful bouquet at home and especially at the office (where they can show the arrangement off to jealous female colleagues, winning you big points). The size? Spontaneous flowers needn’t be big and pricey. Since she’s not expecting them, even modest arrangements and single stems will be winners.

    First dates. First date flowers are controversial. Many SharpMen write to ask whether it’s appropriate to show up with flowers at the door. Our take? Unless it’s her first date ever, she’s a divorcee going out for the first time after the breakup, or you’re long-time friends who have finally gone out on a date, our position is "NO." Dating is expensive enough without having to shell out for stems before the date even begins. If it turns out to be a great date, consider springing for flower delivery the following day

    ____________________________________

    Here is another take on it:

    Purdy has it right. The first date (unless it's a friend) is a "compatability test". If you are doing things right then the first date is about going out with the girl and seeing whether or not she is sane enough to date. You're basically testing her, talking to her, flirting with her, etc in an attempt to learn if she appears to be what you are looking for. If you are in the correct state of mind then you are seeing if she can impress you enough to ask her out for a second date.

    When you bring a girl a flower, you are bringing her a gift. That's more along the lines of trying to impress her rather than the other way around. That's not the position you want to be in, that's what 95% of the other guys out there do. It puts yourself in a weaker position showing that you feel the need to impress her rather than simply being comfortable in your skin and showing up for the first date with nothing more than yourself and your personality.

    There is also the chance that you send off the wrong impression-which could be a number of things such as; Trying to compensate for something-whether it be personality, confidence, etc. You could send across the message that you are actively trying to infuence her opinion of you which in turns shows insecurity. You could come across as a guy who's trying too hard. There are a lot of things you could send across that you don't want her conciously or subconciously thinking about.

    Then there is the fact that most "Nice Guys" do this. Take a look at what this author had to say about the "Nice Guy":

    Now you might be asking what Ms. Sommers' book has to do with bringing flowers on a first date and my answer to that is "Everything."

    The guys who usually bring flowers on the first date are the ones who typically use niceness as a way to get people to like them, and it is that mindset which is the very source of the problem for so many men when it comes to dating. These guys are the ones who have the most problems when it comes to dating, and the cute girl you've had your eye may have had one of these clingy annoying nice guys fawn over her in the past. The last thing you want to do during your first impression is remind her of these guys in any way. Your goal is not to "prove to her" how nice of a guy you are because if you are a nice guy she will learn this about you when you relax and just be yourself. No gifts or flowers or anything should be offered during the first date to try to influence her decision.

    We could also get into other area's as well. Such as coming on too strong, coming on too fast, etc. Most of the time the girl isn't walking into that first date planning on having a extended relationship with you. What she is doing is seeing how compatable you are with her-like you should be doing with her-she's not making the gestures that lean towards pursuing a romantic relationship yet, so neither should you. You don't even know if you are compatable yet.

    Anyways, there is a lot there to ponder, but basically there are many reasons why this may not be a good idea. Is it possible to turn out well? Yes, but there is a bigger chance that it may send across the wrong message or that you may be walking into the first date with the wrong mindset. It's simply not necessary and there is no argument for flowers on a first date that will stand up to the potential problems. It's not necessary and anyone who insists that it should be seems to me like they are one of those people that Ms. Sommers talks about. That is a big problem in dating.

    Flowers are great, as I said before, but they have their place and it's not on the first date.
     
  2. Trigger Happy

    Trigger Happy OT Supporter

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    :eek5: thanks for the information mate
     
  3. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    Flowers on a first date nowadays generally screams clingy and pushover.
     
  4. nish81

    nish81 OT Supporter

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    great post. Isn't it 'compatible' by the way? couldn't help noticing
     
  5. FurryFriend

    FurryFriend New Member

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    I remember a female friend complaining that a blind date didn't bring her flowers. But I don't think she liked him to begin with and the flowers thingy was just an excuse why she shafted him on the date.

    Bottom line is, flowers on the first date just scares the shit out of a girl. That's why they want to have coffee only on the first date. It's a test drive, not a purchase.
     
  6. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Superb! I hadn't heard of that book but the synposis you posted is excellent and very insightful. I'll look for it.
     
  7. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Flowers are so played out. I give lubricants on a first date. Something... you know, special.
     
  8. onslaught61

    onslaught61 OT Supporter

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    ^ and cheap.
     
  9. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

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    That was a bit too long for me to read, with my short li'l attention span. However, I can agree, that unless you are already friends or something, flowers on a first date are reallynot a super great idea.


    I'll take flowers over LUBE, though, LOL, I like to buy my own lube.
    :bigthumb:
     
  10. AO

    AO New Member

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    LOL!
     
  11. familyguy101

    familyguy101 New Member

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    i'm not reading all that, but it seems like if you bring flowers on a FIRST date then the woman might see that you've been thinking of her 24/7, and in turn, see's you as a easy guy to control. IE...your just like 95 percent of the men she meets.
     
  12. Archer Sterling

    Archer Sterling Vroom Vroom Moderator

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    pssh..retarded. I gave my g/f of 1.5 years a single rose on our first date. Now I am in a relationship. Now if it was a dozen roses on the first date then ya thats overboard.
     
  13. iceburgslim

    iceburgslim Guest

    Let's see a pic of your girlfriend. I'm willing to bet she is no prize. No offense.
    Taking a date anything at all for a gift is just bad. You're setting her up as the prize and not the other way around. As the article says SHE should be trying to impress YOU.
     
  14. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    :rofl: Your bitch is ugly if she liked flowers. Wonderful!
     
  15. FurryFriend

    FurryFriend New Member

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    Your personal example doesn't disprove the general hypothesis.
     
  16. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    I'm 50. Been dating (or involved) with men for 35 years. I've gotten the flowers...I've gotten the gifts....never got lube though...was given a latex bathing cap once, but we won't go there. Flowers on the first date are nice, but then one feels obliged. A small gift (especially if it is funny) helps break the ice (My favorite to this day is a wind up "Monkey the Drummer" toy-I still have it). My personal opinion is that if X shows up for the first date that is flowers/gift enough.
    Then after date #1, if things are okies, flowers are nice. I have had flowers delivered to me after first dates, which is terribly sweet.
    You can't buy affection with things or flowers - It's either there or not.
    First dates should be the "getting to know you/checking one another out" time.
     

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