Why the hell can't I talk to him?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Deborah, Oct 17, 2008.

  1. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2008
    Messages:
    3,680
    Likes Received:
    0
    I was pretty depressed today and I was thinking all day that i go home and finally I will have a talk with him. I am losing my interest in him more every day and I haven't told him yet. I am not usually that bad with communication. with my friends I always communicate very well and with my ex I could do that easily too.

    but now again, I'm here in the room, he is playing WOW of course, and I cant see myself talking to him again.

    What is my problem???
     
  2. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2004
    Messages:
    65,626
    Likes Received:
    480
    Location:
    In a van down by the river
    Why don't you just log off right now and talk to him?
     
  3. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2008
    Messages:
    3,680
    Likes Received:
    0
    maybe I'm afraid of reaction, maybe I dont know how to say it. cause we still play it cool, like we dont have problems, but it is kinda obvious that I have. What do I say? honey I dont feel like I love you as before anymore? how is he gonna take it?

    ugh, I hate myself right now!
     
  4. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2004
    Messages:
    65,626
    Likes Received:
    480
    Location:
    In a van down by the river
    He's going to take it hard, but you owe it to him (and to yourself) to get this out there and move on with your life.

    With the situation as it is, you're in the PERFECT position to end up cheating on him, which is going to hurt him far worse than telling him you don't love him anymore and want to break up. :dunno:
     
  5. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2008
    Messages:
    3,680
    Likes Received:
    0
    Whatever happens I wont cheat, that is just not in my personality! right now I dont want to have the break up talk, I want to have a change yourself or I'd have to break up talk. but still I think I have to mention what he did made me love him less.
     
  6. HouseLing

    HouseLing When masturbations lost its fun you'r fucking lazy

    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2002
    Messages:
    9,330
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    SoCal
    because you need to grow a pair, get off the internet and go tell him you want to talk.

    /bluntness
     
  7. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2004
    Messages:
    65,626
    Likes Received:
    480
    Location:
    In a van down by the river
    And I am telling you that what is going to happen is that it's going to come over you all at once. A guy is going to walk into your life who is going to be the perfect distraction from the relationship you are currently afraid to deal with, and it'll be easier to just go for that guy and slowly degnerate towards cheating than it will be to just end your current relationship.

    You have a LOT of characteristics that are just perfectly aligned with someone who is able to cheat. The only thing missing is just the right guy.

    For example:

    You are unhappy with your relationship
    You are insecure with yourself because of your unhappiness with the relationship
    You are afraid to end the relationship and afraid to deal with the problems that have arisen from your relationship
    You are frustrated, angry, and depressed

    The stage is set perfectly for a guy to walk in, and because you have your head buried in the sand, it's just "going to happen".
     
  8. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2008
    Messages:
    3,680
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm afraid I may cry too. whenever I want to talk about something emotional I may cry:ugh:. I absolutely hate it about myself, but there is nothing I can do about it.
     
  9. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2008
    Messages:
    3,680
    Likes Received:
    0
    maybe you are right now, but I don't put myself in situations to meet new guys, so I don't think that is going to happen anyways!
     
  10. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2007
    Messages:
    1,057
    Likes Received:
    0
    Based on what you've said about him before...the sooner the better.
     
  11. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    Because you are still afraid of him rejecting you and you being alone?
     
  12. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2004
    Messages:
    65,626
    Likes Received:
    480
    Location:
    In a van down by the river
    You post on the internet. :dunno:

    And any time you leave the house, you are putting yourself in a position to meet new guys. ;)

    Honestly, I'm just trying to warn you of something that has not only happened in my own relationship (with the EXACT SAME DYNAMIC) but of countless others who were in the same situation.

    When you don't take action to fix your current situation and allow yourself to be "tossed on the waves", you give up the power to say "I won't cheat" because you aren't making the decisions and taking the actions you need to take to make your life and relationship the way you want it. And when you let that stuff go, you set yourself up to be in situations that you never thought you could get it or to do things you never thought you'd do.

    My point is this: Talk to him! Take the intiative and do what needs to be done! You are partly afraid of hurting him and partly afraid of yourself.

    I'm saying that you are like 85% more likely to cheat than the average person right now given the dynamic of your current relationship and if you allow yourself to be tossed around at the whims of your emotions, you are going to hurt him a lot more than simply breaking up with him would.

    If that's not reason enough to deal with this, then do it for yourself.

    I'm also saying that this cycle of depression and insecurity you are feeling is perpetuated by this failing relationship. When you take care of this relationship, those feelings will subside in time and become more manageable.
     
  13. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2008
    Messages:
    3,680
    Likes Received:
    0
    maybe, I am not sure about that. It is just that starting this conversation is weird and sounds like nothing I desire to do. I cant figure out what exactly is wrong with me!
     
  14. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    You are in your head and have self-esteem issues?
     
  15. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2008
    Messages:
    3,680
    Likes Received:
    0
    I have self esteem issues, yes unfortunately! I often surprise my friends and family by how much I always talk about the faults that I have.
     
  16. Haggard

    Haggard VW crew

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2004
    Messages:
    2,782
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Calgary
    go talk to him, the longer you wait the harder it'll will be on both of you, especially if he has no clue you feel this way. I've been in his situation, and it fucking sucks
     
  17. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2008
    Messages:
    3,680
    Likes Received:
    0
    fuck! he went to bed he was tired I guess, it is like 11 here, I went lied near him, he got a boner and started trying to do sth, in the middle of him kissing me I said honey can we talk? and he said sure and then said but dont be surprised if I fall sleep on you!!! what the fuck!! so I said ok have a good sleep then and I talk to you tomorrow!

    so he refused to talk to me and I gave him blue balls. I think he knew what I was gonna talk about....:ugh2:
     
  18. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

    Joined:
    May 29, 2000
    Messages:
    49,189
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    San Diego, CA
    Nothing is wrong with you for not wanting to have that convo. NOBODY wants to have that kinda convo unless they enjoy hurting people. It's just one of those things that you just kinda have to do at some point. It's going to be hard no matter what but once you finally do it you'll feel so relieved that you finally got it over with.
     
  19. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    Yeah, you could have talked to him. The talk would have woken him up. Now you just delayed it :(
     
  20. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2008
    Messages:
    1,816
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    CdM, CA
    he didnt refuse, you chose not to go through with it. the longer you drag this out, the worse its going to be. you need to just tell him. it doesnt matter if he is playing WoW or watching tv or anything. just tell him. im betting he will hear you, just like he would have last night
     
  21. i had an ex who was more interested on going on different forums then spend time w. me.

    i had a few convos w. her telling her i was not happy but it never sunk in.

    it took me years to have "the talk". dont make the same mistake or you will waste a lot of time w. this guy.

    talk to him asap.
     
  22. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2008
    Messages:
    3,680
    Likes Received:
    0
    yeah, but it was a good step! the first step. Now both of us know there is a "talk" coming up!ugh..
     
  23. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2003
    Messages:
    4,729
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Twin Cities, MN
    The typical, "Honey, we need to talk..." always is a good start. It puts both people into the mindframe that an important talk and heart spilling is coming. Seriously, everyone knows what "We need to talk..." means.

    Next time don't wait for him to get tired so close to bed time. Do it when he is wide awake and before he starts playing WoW.

    If you don't want to have the 'break up' talk, then don't and have the 'you need to change before I break up with you' talk like you said.
     
  24. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2008
    Messages:
    3,680
    Likes Received:
    0
    there is almost not a time when he is not playing WOW. when I come home he is on the computer and that goes on to bed time! unless there is a football game or something coming on!
     
  25. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2003
    Messages:
    4,729
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Twin Cities, MN
    You guys need to have that talk. You're not communicating and your relationship is turning unhealthy. It's up to you. We can't force you to talk to him. We can only suggest it.

    And if he doesn't want to log off of WoW for 30 minutes, then you can always leave and garunteed he will log off for that.
     

Share This Page