SRS Why The Hell Can't I Get Over Her?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Deckard, Sep 8, 2007.

  1. Deckard

    Deckard New Member

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    Ok, this is one of those medium/long story things, so I guess I'll just go ahead and get the back-story out of the way...

    About a year and a half ago, I met this girl; we'll call her A (because that's the letter her first name starts with, and because I'm unoriginal). Anyways, I happened to meet A through a good friend of mine, whom we shall henceforth refer to as B. For clarity's sake, B is a guy. Basically, A and I meet, and, over the course of six hours during one day, we hit it off. I'm pretty sure this was the first time I've managed to get a girl's number that fast, and what's more, she actually volunteered it, I didn't even have to ask!

    Anyways, at this point, A and I start seeing more of each other, hanging out, going for coffee, flirting, and generally doing whatever kids in their late(r) teens do (I'm currently 19, and she's 18. I think she's about 6 months younger than I am). I start to take more and more of an interest in A, and, from what I can tell (although my proficiency at reading the signs that girls send is dubious, at best), the feeling is mutual. I finally (about a month after first meeting her) get the nerve to ask her out* when...yes, that's right, I leave the country**. For, IIRC, about a month. This is the part where everything, more or less, starts going to shit.

    I'm not going to lie, I didn't expect her to wait for me, because that's completely unreasonable, but I at least figured that I might have a shot with her when I got back. I was in for a surprise, and not the stripper-in-a-birthday-cake kind of surprise. When I returned from my trip, I discovered that A and B were now dating (SUR-FUCKING-PRISE!). I wasn't really pissed off, or anything (although B did know that I was interested in A, but I reasoned that I'd blown my chance, and thus wasn't at all upset with him), I was just...I guess 'disappointed' is the word that I'm looking for. I really liked this girl, and I figured that I actually had a shot with her, and now, the worst part (for me, anyways), was that the two of them made a good couple, meaning that it wasn't going to be a one-month relationship. Also, the fact that she was dating someone who I considered, and still consider, to be a close friend of mine (in fact we're closer now than before) made the situation even less favorable for me, because, even if they did break up, I figured that I couldn't possibly date her without alienating him, and I didn't want that.

    So, I dealt with it. All the while, I was happy for them, because I (and everyone else) thought, and knew, that they made a great couple, but I also felt a little guilty because, at least for a little while after I found out, I kept thinking that it should have been me. I felt terrible, because I thought that I was being an absolute douche-canoe. Anyways, I got over it, and spent time with both of them, both together and apart. I went to parties with them and their friends, and was generally a good sport. Also, as time passed, my friendships with both A and B grew and developed. Basically, everybody was happy. Except me. I was just happy "for them", but I guess that counts.

    Fast forward to about a month and a half ago. I get back in town, after being away for three months, and, since I keep in touch with my friends while I'm on the road, I've already got plans with both of them (I also work with B, a little bit, or at least I did, details to follow). I hang out with both of them a few times, again, both together and seperately, and everything is good, but...there's some tension. B is going away to university, albeit in another province, and A will be staying home for Uni, at least for the first year. Tension builds, they "break up" (but not really, or sort of, nobody really knows, even now). And here's the fun part: after I learned that they'd kinda split up, for some reason, I started having feeling for this girl again. The fact that she always wants to spend time with me, and during my time at home this summer I saw her at least once a week, sometimes more, didn't help matters. She's always been very flirty, which, again, didn't help things for me. I felt like a horrible, terrible person for even thinking about trying to go after my good friend's freshly minted "ex", and even though all of my friends told me that I wasn't pure evil, I still felt like shit. I wanted her, probably worse than ever before, and perhaps simply because I knew I couldn't have her. Oh, I guess I forgot to mention that she pretty much checks every box on my list. She's not perfect, nobody is, but she's pretty damn amazing (before you ask, pics will not load).

    Fast forward yet again, to last week. I was about to leave the country again, this time for a month (this is the trip I'm currently on). We're hanging out one last time before I leave, because I promised her we would. The subject somehow shifts to her relationship with B. It turns out that they'd decided that they could see other people, but she didn't really want to (although I know he will. He's not a bad guy by any means, ,he just...will). She then proceeds to tell me about all of these guys that she could be dating at this point, these guys that her friends love and blah, blah, blah (I started to tune out at this point, I'll explain why in a second. For the record, A and B's friends apparently loved me, as well, but I guess that's beyond the point). Anyways, as this is going on, I'm sitting there, looking her in the eye, and thinking "What the fuck is wrong with me? I know it's never going to happen with her, and yet I'm still attracted to her beyond all reason, like some fucking idiot. I'm sitting here, being friendzoned, for, arguably, the second time by the same girl." Don't get me wrong, I really value her as a friend, but, for some reason, I just can't accept, or I guess 'be happy with' the situation I'm in.

    So here's the question? Am I an idiot, or what? And, more pressingly, how do I, once and for all, just get over this girl and accept the fact that, barring some sort of earth-shattering development, we'll be nothing more than good friends?

    EDIT: Wow, that was way fucking longer than I expected it to be. I won't be offended if nobody wants to read all that shit, haha
    SUPER EDIT: I totally forgot about * and **
    * I sort of have issues with asking girls out. I'm shy, and simply gathering up the nerve to do so can take an excruciating amount of time, like in this example!
    ** I leave the country quite often, sometimes for a week or two, sometimes for a few months at a time. Naturally, this has all but executed my love life.
     
  2. QueenOfHearts

    QueenOfHearts New Member

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    In general, I guess all I can say is that you may just have to leave A hanging. Eventually you get to the point where you just stop seeing her and B together and as much as it might suck, you and B will probably end up splitting apart, especially if he's the kind of guy that just talks about his girl excessively.

    I re-met with my A after a year and a half of leaving, the sex was amazing, but things were just different after he and my B got together.
    Turns out I just quit talking to both of them, and my new C is now the main part of my life.
    You have to give it time, and you have to want to let go.

    It seems like shes already moved on and you can see that as well.
    Either you will lose hope or you'll move on. A wont be the only girl to ever turn her head towards you. As much as she might be a good friend, sometimes just leaving will help you to regain your head and realize further more that it wont work.
    you're not an idiot. These things hurt, especially when you leave on a whim. Hang strong, you'll choose the right path.
     
    Last edited: Sep 8, 2007
  3. Deckard

    Deckard New Member

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    That's the whole thing, though, I really, really don't want to lose either of them as a friend, so I'm trying to be careful about the whole thing. I'm pretty sure that, if I play my cards right here, I'll be able to stay good friends with both of them, so that's not an issue, it's just my whole mental situation in this thing that's getting to me. I'm definitely not going to go the asshole route, either, because as you mentioned, that's going to be way more trouble than it's worth.
    One of my friends suggested that I just need to meet somebody new, and I'm pretty sure that might be at the heart of this, or might at least help expedite my getting over her.

    (I also just realized how overly elaborate and semi-confusing the "A and B" system was. Sorry)
     
  4. QueenOfHearts

    QueenOfHearts New Member

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    Haha, A & B work its a basic concept.
    Leaving that one is never easy, but its harder to come back and realize that things have changed, and i understand that, but have no fear.

    Chances are you may not leave either of them, but if you can find something else to keep your mind occupied it really will help.

    I hate to say it, but no amount of advice will help, its all in your head.
    How much are you willing to take before you realize that your heart is not in the same place?
    When you figure that out, you'll figure you where to go with this.
     
  5. Deckard

    Deckard New Member

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    Yeah, I know that it's more of a personal battle, wherein no amount of advice can really do anything for me, but I guess that I just had to get it off my chest, because it's kind of been in my head a little bit more than usual during the last few days, and I don't know why. The two friends that I've talked to about this situation have told me, ostensibly, the same thing.
     
  6. QueenOfHearts

    QueenOfHearts New Member

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    you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and I know it can be tough, I really do, but you'll pull through it, I promise.
    Good luck hun

    Do what you think is best.
    Really, if detaching yourself from A is that bad, you'll come to terms. Either way, it'll be alright.
     
  7. Deckard

    Deckard New Member

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    Thanks:hsd:
     
  8. keysmachine

    keysmachine New Member

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    honestly man I know its played out to say. but the reason you can't get over somebody is because you have a slight infatuation with that individual. I only read half your post but I would suspect that whatever happened A did you wrong.

    if you want PM me the situation and I can give it a more accurate opinion but reasonably speaking the reason we can't move on from people is we have Oneitius a classic case of only really having one emotional interest swirling in the pool of love.

    that kinda soup is tasteless, you should honestly throw a few more women into the mix and you'll find that A will be a fleeting thought on your mind.

    -Keys
     
  9. Deckard

    Deckard New Member

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    Yeah, I know, my post was LONG, way longer than I figured it would be. But no, she didn't really "do me wrong", it's just a matter of the fact that I didn't act when I had the chance. But yeah, the general consensus seems to be, like you said, that I need to find another girl. Thanks for the opinion, though!
     

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