SRS Why put up with it?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by chucklenut, Jan 16, 2008.

  1. chucklenut

    chucklenut New Member

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    isn't big enough for the both of us
    Why do you guys try so hard to be in a relationship? It's a waste of your money, your time, and your emotional well-being. Marriage isnt anything anymore, everyone is getting divorced now-a-days.

    I don't date anymore, because of this. What are your thoughts?
     
  2. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Because not every man spends his money, invests all his time, or stakes his emotional well being on the woman he's involved in. In-fact a man who is sound in his character and lifestyle treats a woman like she's an accessory until he's realized what she has to offer him and what she brings to the relationship. Eventually he'll invest if she's investing in him and treating him with respect.

    A man who doesn't respect himself breeds relationship in which he isn't respected.

    I don't know whether what I said above applies to you, but it's how I deal with my relationships. I don't spend money on women -- if but rarely just to treat my girlfriend. I expect her to pay most of the time. She's investing in me. My emotional wellbeing is tied to my health, my family, my close friends. My girlfriend gradually is allocated a portion of that, but no more than she's earned over time.
     
  3. mrchina

    mrchina Guest

    You have to weed out the bad to get to the good... Of course some time, money, and emotional well being will be wasted along the way. Such is life.
     
  4. dano

    dano OT Supporter

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    Because beating the bishop gets old.

    But really now, why? Because I enjoy it...when it's good. Look at the thread I just made about the girl I had high hopes for and she turned out to be a waste of time. I'm not sitting here drowning in my tears with a glass of wine though; I had expectations she did not meet and she's now just someone from the past. There's many more girls in my future so why dwell on one who wasn't everything she appeared to be.
     
  5. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    Sounds like you're bitter.

    Those are some stupid reasons not to date anymore.
     
  6. Redbeard

    Redbeard OT Supporter

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    Dont meet girls in a bar. Dont date to get married, dont date to get pregnant. Dont be so bitter. You just might meet the girl of your dreams like I did 6 years ago.
     
  7. crunchy_black

    crunchy_black OT Supporter

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    I don't want to be in a relationship. I'm 24 and have been single for a year now, i got a couple girls i see but they are like me. Just want hot sex and some companionship.

    Woo hooo
     
  8. chucklenut

    chucklenut New Member

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    isn't big enough for the both of us
    Im not bitter, at all, I was just asking a question but too tired to type it out extensively. They are not stupid reasons, they are valid. More money, time, and shit to do for me > a 6 month long relationship of spending money on someone else and losing a lot of time with friends.

    You have to understand that everyone that I know (same age as me), except for 2, have either divorced parents or something screwy happened to where their parent's marriage isnt valid anymore. Growing up in, around, and seeing failed marriages every day is also another reason.
     
  9. Ladybug

    Ladybug Guest

    Because there isn't a feeling that compares to being in love and knowing you are loved in return.
    Because time spent in what may well be a false sense of happiness and security feels far better than time spent wallowing in the certainty of loneliness.

    It's a sort of equilibrium, the deeper and more fantastic the feeling the more horrible and devastating the despair at it's end. Love lifts us into dreams and pain reminds us we're alive, we go through it time and time again so eventually we can get it right.

    People crave happiness and many find it best in the loving admiration of someone who appreciates them for who they are and complement their being.
     
  10. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    This is the female version of what I'm saying. Hehe, she's so right. :o
     
  11. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    I love how he keeps bringing up the money thing. Here's how you make a relationship NOT be a huge financial investment. Find a girl that is perfectly fine with paying her own way, paying for herself, etc.

    Find a girl who likes doing the same things you do, so when you do go out and spend money, it's on something you like to do.

    And like everyone else said or is trying to say, live your life first. Don't get wrapped up in a girl. Once you get over your bitterness, just date for fun.
     
  12. Schecter1277

    Schecter1277 hi

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    It's amazing how many people in OT have that same story. :rolleyes:
     
  13. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    in a good relationship, you won't feel like you're wasting so much time and money or losing time with your friends. i also think it's stupid for people to stay in shitty relationships just to be in one, but being in a good relationship is fun and rewarding.
     
  14. tenxia

    tenxia OT Supporter

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    That is nicely written.
     
  15. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Maybe it would be better to tell him directly how you feel about it? Does it frustrate you that younger men have those types of relationships, or do you think this particular poster isn't being honest?
     
  16. Ladybug

    Ladybug Guest

    that made my evening :love:
     
  17. chucklenut

    chucklenut New Member

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    isn't big enough for the both of us
    Do you think its possible to substitute? I think people do it commonly. I for one use substances and alcohol. It gives me happiness, then gives me pain.

    Is happyness followed by pain something every human needs?
     
  18. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    I've been out of it so long that I don't really know if I can play the game again...or if I'm even capable of the emotion anymore. Even though I'm not happy doing it, I really thinking dodging herpes with bar trash would be more enjoyable than dealing with living with a woman.
     
  19. 2500

    2500 Guest

    I don't care how many races I've won, or how much money I win at the casino, or if I have the nicest apartment.... there's nothing in the world like waking up next to someone, having them roll over, look you in the eyes and say "I love you."
     
  20. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    No because those who use substitutes for love are coming from an entirely different motivation than someone who is healthy. Using drugs an alcohol only deepens the rift. It creates an illusion of temporary peace and escape, but later will end up controlling you, which love between two healthy people doesn't do.

    Alcohol an drug's will lead to immense suffering. That is why people attend NA and AA these days. Support from people who really "do" care is necessary in many cases.

    Usually life follows cycles, however some people live a "manic/depressive" like life -- where life is happy and then deeply painful, but the periods are excessively long, usually on the painful end.

    While the common person does endure some pain, on average they spend most of their time happy if surrounded by loving healthy people.

    Maslow said we need a lot of things, but pain was not one of them.
     
  21. Ladybug

    Ladybug Guest

    In the long term is there the possibility that one day you will find a plateau where the substance and alcohol no longer cause you pain? 'Ending up' in a good relationship after many bad ones appeals to me a lot more than eventually finding "happiness" via existential numbness or premature demise.

    If you're a relitively happy person and that's what works for you then obviously substitution is possible.

    I'm inclined to believe that it is necessary to have known both in order to appreciate either.
    I wouldn't go so far as to leap into debate over whether emotion is a human necessity.
     
  22. bimmer318

    bimmer318 I'm out of applesauce

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    Why do you go behind such excuses "such is life?"

    It's not life. If you can make lots of money, buy what you want, and do what you want, instead of dealing with some broad, then you are a smarter person for it. There will always be some chump that would want to keep dating and getting in relationships and in the end, his life will be wasted as you say.
     
  23. bimmer318

    bimmer318 I'm out of applesauce

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    What about counsellings for divorce and couples who are going in a downward spiral?

    Why would a drug lead to immense suffering? If I enjoy a tequila or a beer a few times on nights I'm all of the sudden controlled by the drug, and I am not healthy?

    I really don't understand why SO many people put the "love" on a pedestal
     
  24. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Couples who make an effort to work out things in their relationships are demonstrating their love in their actions.

    If the drink is used to medicate yourself, to escape, to "not feel" -- and you don't like yourself, or hate the world, or perhaps you just can't put the drink down without feeling compelled to pick up another -- if even one of these is a problem, then you would need help from a resource, like an alcohol counselor or an AA meeting.

    Alcoholism or drug addiction can be debilitating because they eventually damage the persons relationships, health or employment. When a drug or a drink comes between you and your quality of life, that's when it's out of control.

    A drink is a drink, but it becomes more than that under these conditions. The person uses the alcohol to control their pain, only to later find their pain is even worse and now the drink or drug isn't helping but instead is making it even worse.

    Does that frustrate you?
     
  25. chucklenut

    chucklenut New Member

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    isn't big enough for the both of us
    Wrong. I respect what you have to say, a lot, but i know this to be completely false. My buddies (well, they used to be till they dropped off the radar with their "awesome new gf!!!" and no one can get them to do anything) have been controlled by love. People do very fucked up things just to try to be with another person.

    Aside from friends, the only real reason that I can for sure, 100% say that love DOES control people, is my best friend's dad. Lets just say he is COMPLETELY different than what he used to be. Totally. I don't even reconize him anymore for the shit he does to his kids, his dog, and his ex-wife all because of a his crazy love-life with a sluttly 3-time mom and her bitch 3 kids.

    It's horrible. I don't see people who smoke a bowl or have a couple of beers kicking their dog out of the house, jepordizing its health dramatically (very seriously) or kicking out their own kids.

    I have, however, in person, seen love do this.
     

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