Why it's bad to ask women for advice on meeting women

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by JohnJohnJohnson, Feb 10, 2007.

  1. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    23,006
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manhattan
    So my buddy and I figured this out yesterday at the gym.

    If you ask a girl how a guy should attract women, her response will have something to do with his INTERNAL qualities.

    Let's think about what is ACTUALLY happening here.

    1. The girl thinks back to the guys that she has been attracted to.
    2. These guys did and said certain things to her or to others nearby.
    3. As a result, he made the girl DRAW SOME INFERENCE, based on his external behavior, about what his internal qualities must be.
    4. The girl then reports back her INFERRED conclusion about his internal qualities.

    But does she report his ACTIONS to you? No. She reports back what she thought she SAW in the guy, based on those actions/body language/etc. Yet you don't hear anything about those actions/body language/etc.

    Not useful.

    Here's an example.

    A guy goes up to my attractive female friend. She has nice breasts that get a lot of attention. He stops to chat with us out of the blue. He never looks at her breasts. At one point my female friend says something silly. He teases her on it, playfully punches her arm, whatever. Then he goes off somewhere. These are his ACTIONS. Do they MEAN anything, really? No. The guy could be scum. The guy could be a serial killer. The guy could have his head so far up his ass that he can barely walk.

    But when I ask her why she liked him, she'll say things like,

    "I like a guy who is confident."
    "I like a guy who is comfortable with himself."
    "I like a guy who has a sense of humor."
    "I like a guy who whatever xyz character trait."

    And in some cases, maybe all of those qualities she perceives are really there. In other cases, definitely not! But either way, that is NOT useful advice, because what the hell are you going to DO based on that advice? I mean, how do you just "be confident?" Like it's something you can just turn on? That's a fucking laugh. Armchair psychology, hypnosis, all of that stuff doesn't do shit for your confidence a week after you leave the shrink's office.

    Same with activities. You can work out like crazy, get straight A's, get a raise, and help the poor - it's STILL not going to make you come across as confident, IF you still fidget and look down when you see a cute girl.

    USEFUL advice would be where someone tells you what you can DO in order to CONVEY certain qualities. It doesn't even have to be dishonest! They can be REAL qualities. Doesn't matter. Attraction is about MARKETING ability. It's NOT about the qualities themselves; it's about whether those qualities are COMMUNICATED. If you're very fortunate, then your positive qualities come through NATURALLY when you talk to people - in other words, you are naturally good at marketing yourself. For the rest of us, we need advice about marketing. Not, usually, about how to become a better person.

    In summary: a girl is not telling you what actions the guy did in order for her to perceive certain qualities in him that she liked. She is telling you those qualities themselves.

    And by the way, this goes for women too. Men will tell you what they perceived in the girl they have a crush on - which may or may not be a TOTAL ILLUSION, I'm sure you'll agree. And that illusion is based on some BEHAVIOR this girl engaged in. Useful advice would describe what she DID, her body language, etc., in order to make him see certain qualities. The advice you'll get, however, will describe those qualities themselves...

    Not useful. :hsd:
     
  2. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    Now, if this were the main forum, I'm pretty sure I'd have to ask for pics of this attractive female friend...

    But to stay on topic, I totally agree. But wouldn't women say the same thing about asking men for advice on how to attract men?

    It seems so obvious that we are only going to talk about what qualities we are attracted to, not necessarily what the person did.

    Maybe another way to put it would be: When a woman gives you advice on how to attract women, work backwards from it?
     
  3. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    23,006
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manhattan
    Yes, I should expect experienced or thoughtful women would say the same thing about asking men for advice on how to attract men. But I said as much already, you post-skimming mofo. :nono:

    Yes, but in the form of advice? Not useful

    If even that. Sometimes it's so distracting, you're better off not asking at all.
     
  4. jonno

    jonno New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2003
    Messages:
    63,823
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    fort sam
  5. Xtreme2k2

    Xtreme2k2 GTI Crew ಠ_ಠ OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2005
    Messages:
    19,987
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NJ
  6. lauren

    lauren Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2005
    Messages:
    38,880
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Palo Alto, CA
    perhaps, instead of asking what they are attracted to, ask what they noticed?
     
  7. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    23,006
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manhattan
    "he was confident."
     
  8. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    Besides Fashion/looks asking any woman for advice in this area is useless cause they just make up bullshit so they don't look shallow.
     
  9. Jay Pheezy

    Jay Pheezy New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2005
    Messages:
    7,670
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    MA
    I'm in the process of reading The Game by Neil Strauss and while reading your post I was reminded a lot of the book. Basically, the illusion you talk about is the illusion that is discussed in length in the book. Either way though, you're pretty much correct in your theories.
     
  10. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,466
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    the streets
    Very interesting thread.

    I agree that it is possible to generate attraction by doing the things you mentioned.

    A man can "fake it till he makes it" with women.

    If he learns behaviors that communicate positive qualities to a woman that differentiate him from the other men that are interested in her, her attraction will be triggered.

    If he is able to use these learned behaviors to experience success with women, his confidence increases and the cycle feeds on itself.

    I believe that nearly all men attract women naturally. Therefore, as men we do not need to concern ourselves with attracting women, because we already attract women.

    What most of us need that we don't have are the necessary skills to actually deal with the woman once she is attracted to us.

    Many of us have been socially conditioned to put a woman on a pedestal and attend to her every need. If we act on this by being "the nice guy," we unknowingly destroy the initial attraction and she is no longer interested in us. Or in the case of my ex-wife, she is crazy so no one else wants her, and you get stuck with a crazy bitch.

    If we learn to avoid the common pitfalls, most of the battle is won.

    The only remaining factor is are we attracted to the women who are attracted to us? You have to be desirable to the women you desire.

    All men naturally attract women, but which women do we attract? If the answer is toeshoes, then we have work to do. If the women you desire are not attracted to you, then you are going to have to improve yourself, or stay the same and take what you can get.
     
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2007
  11. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    8,752
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ok, serious question. Who the heck is toeshoes? I've seen her referenced many times....is she an OT legend of ugliness or something?
     
  12. krott5333

    krott5333 Guest

    its bad because they dont know themselves what they want.

    Most of what they find desirable is in their subconcious, and it is their subconscious that tells their conscious "yes, he is attractive" or "no, hes not attractive"
     
  13. krott5333

    krott5333 Guest

    shes a worthless fatass OTer who never leaves her house. She thrives on attention, even though the great majority of the attention she gets is negative and related to her extreme obesity. She also faked her death.
     
  14. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    I think that is the biggest problem for most guys on here. They attract fat girls but want the hot 10's.
     
  15. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    23,006
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manhattan
    It might be difficult to get a fat girl b/c of the low self-esteem ... handling that shit is probably tricky?
     
  16. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,466
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    the streets
    which is where the self-improvement comes in

    the more you improve, the better quality women you will attract
     
  17. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    Self-Improvment is why everyone comes to the conclusion that money attracts girls. When it's not as much as the money but how succesfull the guy is. Clearly he cares about himself and his future to work hard enough to gain all of that money. Also, they can only come to one conclusion and that is the guy is doing 100% for himself and not to get girls.
     
  18. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,466
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    the streets
    Thats part of it. Personally I like the fact that I don't make a ton of money, so the women who like me obviously like me for who I am, not what I can provide them materially.

    I'd rather work doing something I enjoy versus doing something I detest because it pays more.
     
  19. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    Well I don't think being poor helps at all and I can understand why a girl would not like a poor guy because they think of getting with a guy as a long term investment in most cases. I mean how the hell are you going to support a wife and kids making 20k a year? You really do have to be thinking of your future and girls like that.
     
  20. lauren

    lauren Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2005
    Messages:
    38,880
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Palo Alto, CA
    yeh, but you dont have to let on how much you make.
     
  21. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    Of course you don't say but most guys who make decent money you can tell by the clothes they have and the car they own.
     
  22. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,466
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    the streets
    You are looking at this from the standpoint of pleasing her, which is seldom what you want to do.
     
  23. FurryFriend

    FurryFriend New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2006
    Messages:
    365
    Likes Received:
    0
    Never ask a women for advice on how to meet women.

    Women are great listeners. If you need someone to listen and sympathize, then you should do it with your female friends.

    But on romantic advice, they're horrible. They'll usually say what they see in the movies or give an emotional response that have no basis in reality.

    THe best people to get dating advice from are guy friends who are successful with women. If you want to get rich, you ask the rich guy. Simple. And men are far more likely to be truthful and direct than women.
     
  24. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    No I am not, I am looking at it in the fact that when I am 30 I want to be able to support a wife and 3 kids by my self.
     
  25. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,466
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    the streets
    Thats an awesome goal to have.

    But the things you mentioned like clothes and a car, you have to spend money to do those things. To me, wealth isn't about spending, its about saving and investing.

    My wife and I don't make a ton of money, but we are focused on living a simple life and saving for the future.

    Most of the truly wealthy people don't show it. They acquire wealth through discipline and not spending money on things they don't need.
     

Share This Page