Why is it...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by radfad88, Sep 11, 2008.

  1. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    That the 'men' of my generation seem to be totally out of the loop when it comes to doing traditional 'man' stuff? I'm not talking about sports, they seem to have a grasp on that sliver of manhood... I'm talking about the things that my dad tried to teach us growing up (he only had 2 daughters, had no one else to teach the man stuff).

    It makes me sad to know that I know more about car maintenance (changing my own oil, how to roughly identify a problem before bringing it into the shop, etc.) than most 'men' ages 20-25 that I know. It's more than just car stuff too... it's basic maintenance things like replacing broken fixtures, basic pluming issues, minor electrical work, etc.

    What happened between our parents' generation and ours? Did the dad's drop off and not teach you guys like my dad tried to teach me? Or is it just irrelevant because men now think it's okay to just pay to have someone do it for them because our generation grew up so spoiled (for the most part) with no regard to the value of doing things yourself?

    Viper's note on women looking for a man like their father reminded me of how frustrated I get trying to find a man that actually knows how to be one. I know that's probably a "double standard" but I think that men should have a basic understanding of tools, car and home maintenance to be successful providers for a family. Just as women should understand the basics of child rearing, cleaning and cooking. Of course both sexes should dabble in both areas, it seems that a lot of men in my generation have just totally disregarded their side of things and never intend on learning them.


    Does anyone see my point? What do you think happened? Do you think that these guys will just have to play catch up later in life or will they never learn?
     
  2. chakup

    chakup Guest

    For me- alot more families were raised with single mothers. There wasn't the exposure to a father and what came with it.
     
  3. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    My dad made me work when I was kid and growing up. But he was a VERY impatient, critical man.

    Therefore, I can TELL you how to do all those things, but I wouldn't have the first clue how to actually DO it.

    What I mean is, that my level of help was involved as more of a lackey than anything. I mean, I was right by my dad's side helping whenever he did stuff, but he never took the time to put the tools in my hands and say "Here, why don't you try this?" The only times he DID do it, I was so nervous and I would fuck it up and then he would yell at me. It turned me off to trying new things, and it's something I still struggle with today.

    So I could tell you how to build a building from the ground up, but in practice there is no way I could do it.
     
  4. ledzep73

    ledzep73 New Member

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    People are less independent than they used to be, not just guys.
     
  5. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    See, I was just the opposite.

    Because of my father being overly critical, I avoided actually DOING those "man" type tasks because I eventually became afraid of making a mistake while doing it.

    However, my mom was NOT critical in any way. As a result, I learned how to cook, clean, do laundry, do dishes, take care of kids, shop, etc. I'm not crazy about doing any of those things, but I'm really good at all of them.

    So couple the fear of making a mistake at a "man's" task with being really good at doing a woman's role, it lends some sort of embarassment to not being able to do what I SHOULD be able to do and doing things that I really should be clueless about. This embarassment and negativity is compounded even more today by the fact that my dad PRAISES other men who can do these things, and doesn't give a shit at the things I am actually successful at. In fact, I am convinced that I chose this career (engineering) to seek my dad's approval (I am working at HIS old job right now in the very desk he worked at). And even then, doing something he approves of, I still don't get "praiseed" for doing it. He's only mildly proud of the acheivments I made.
     
  6. GTLifter

    GTLifter Banned

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    You're dating and hanging around the wrong guys.
     
  7. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    My personal problem with gender rolls is that people often have double standards. For example: A woman thinks her man is supposed to support her financially and do all the physical labor, but then is offended at the idea of having to cook and clean.

    Edit: Just for clarification my example was a theoretical individual, not meant to say I think all women are like that.
     
  8. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

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    I think you have a point, but I see it from both sexes as well - no one knows how to do anything whether it be a "man task" or a "woman task". There are lots of kids out there who's parents never got involved so they never had 1)to figure it out on their own or 2)had someone teach them how to do something.

    I'm not trying to pin it on "bad parenting" but I think there are parenting factors at play such as
    - Parents had to work really really hard for what they have, dont want kid to have to experience the same thing so the kid ends up babied
    -Single parent households (not just b/c no wo/man around, but being a single parent is damn tough and somethings fall behind)
    -Parents who dont recognize what their taught parents them or are resentful of it and in turn dont see the need to teach their kid stuff.
    I think the last one is most important. I've actually had conversations with parents who say "I dont know why Kid cant do X! I've been doing X since I was a kid!". Then I ask them how they learned X and they say "my dad/mom taught me" and when you ask them if they ever taught their kid, they look like you just slapped them.
     
  9. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    You could add my option to the list too:

    -one parent is overly critical so the child becomes afraid to learn the things pertaining to that gender role.
     
  10. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

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    I'd vote that your dad would actually fall into the last part of the 3rd option: Parents who dont see the need to teach their kid stuff.

    Have you ever asked him where he learned all the stuff he does? If he's the macho prick he sounds like he'll probably say "On my own! No one taught me! I was born knowing!" or some other bullshit like that, but I think if you were to ask your granddad (if living...) he might have a different answer...
     
  11. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    :rofl: @ the thought of my dad being "macho".

    He can be a narrow prick about shit though. And that DOES sound like something he'd say. Actually his mantra was always "You learn by DOING." which is true, but he would never actually LET me do.

    the only thing I ever learned from him was how to Land Survey. For some reason, he was patient enough to teach me that, even though he only let me run the Instrument sparingly.
     
  12. Alaya

    Alaya Active Member

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    As much as my parents drove me nuts sometimes because they're so effing traditional, in ways like these I'm glad they were. In other ways, it fucking sucks :mad:

    But yeah, I see your point for sure Radfad.
     
  13. Netbastard

    Netbastard OT Supporter

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    lol @ the guy who has to call AAA to change a flat tire.
     
  14. Rich

    Rich New Member

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    I work on my car all the time. Hell, I work my friends' cars all the time too. I also put down the wood floor in my living room since my mom knew I was capable and my labor was cheaper. lol

    I guess it all depends on how you were raised. My dad was born and raised in NYC and he knows a enough about cars to get him by and living on his own and being broke sometimes taught him to do things himself instead of paying someone else.
     
  15. Rich

    Rich New Member

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    Yeah, if you EVER do that you should be shot. The only time I've ever called a tow truck was when my motor blew. lol
     
  16. 1.8t

    1.8t Member

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    My dad was sorta the same way, not nearly as critical, but expected me to use my head to find the most efficient solution to the problem. Its funny your in an engineer, I graduated a year ago as an ME. I chose my profession because of my love for cars and general mechanical type processes. What I find interesting, is that my dad is now very critical of things I do. Now that I am an ME, its like he is challegened because I have this hotshot education and I know in his head he is thinking "there is no way this kid knows more than me." He is very mechanically enclined and would have made a hell of an engineer, but he was lazy got a damn transportation degree :rofl:. I used to let it slide when he was trying to explain certain things where his theory was completely wrong, but now that I have come to the revelation of him actually thinking he knows more than me when it comes to my expertise, I let him feel the wrath of the education he paid for lol.
     
  17. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    :rofl: Yeah, pour it to him. I stopped holding back on my dad too. He still talks down to the family once in a while, and I am the only one who'll call him on it. In fact, we got into a shouting match one night while I was still living there (he told my son to "quit being such a baby" after he hurt himself--which shot KNIVES OF ANGER through me). He was mad at me for like 2 days, but for the first time in my life he sought me out, gave me a hug, and apologized. I was like :eek4:.

    As for career, whereas as a family man, I had little respect for my dad, when I started working his job, I gained an ENORMOUS amount of respect for him. By working in his job, I discovered that he was extremely good at what he did, that EVERYBODY loved him, and that people looked up to him as a big source of information on how to do their jobs. What I didn't learn by being his son, I made up for in a big way by being his coworker.
     
  18. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    My dad was adopted and his adoptive father left him and his mother when he was a toddler, so he was raised by his adoptive mother. He also only had a sister growing up. The only male figures in his childhood were the jerks and jackasses his mother dated. He didn't meet a respectable male figure until he met my mother when he was in high school, and her father kind of started teaching him things he knew.

    So my father never knew how to teach my brother and I traditional 'man' stuff that you are talking about.

    I don't blame him for any of it though, he is a great guy.
     
  19. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    Oh, I definitely think that it's both genders... a lot of my female friends wouldn't know how to cook anything if it didn't come out of a can with directions on the back. It's just frustrating to be a woman who can handle the typical female jobs AND still has to know more than her man about male jobs just to be able to keep things running smoothly. I guess people as a whole are becoming less independent and are relying on others to pick up the slack. I cook for my boyfriend pretty often, but if I ever ask him to take a look at something, help me move something, or try to fix something for me, it's as if you've asked him to perform surgery on his own body to give me one of his organs... not only is it too much to ask of him but he'd have no idea where to even begin.

    And I know that there are exceptions to this type of man... but usually the only ones I find that actually have a grip on this sort of stuff and don't absolutely MIND being asked to do it are not the ones sitting next to me during class trying to get a degree, they're usually tradesmen of some sort with little/no formal education. I want to be able to have an educated man who can carry conversation AND help me out with the grimey stuff sometimes.


    PS: I was born/raised in a "city" (atlanta), and that's all I really know, so I can't say whether it's a city boy thing or not... maybe it is :hsughno:
     
  20. GTLifter

    GTLifter Banned

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    :rofl:

    Head over to Tech during homecoming week and find one of the countless single guys building "wrecks" for the parade. Like I said earlier, you're looking in the wrong places.
     
  21. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Also society has had influence on this. Not just thru an increase of single mothers, but because labor is pretty easy and cheap compared to the time our parents and grandparents were growing up.

    You can run your car thru a quick oil change place and they can easily and quickly do many repairs. Even bringing a car into a mechanic for more difficult repairs only takes an hour or so now a days.
     
  22. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    See I'm wondering if our generation is at a disadvantage because our parents on average have done so well for themselves (and us growing up). I know a lot of guys probably never saw their parents doing it themselves because they had the money to pay someone else and that thinking has probably continued on until now when they're adults and actually need the skills sometimes.

    What's not funny is that I know a lot of 'men' who would do this.
     
  23. Toda Party

    Toda Party .....

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    Technology. If it doesn't have to do with computers, kids don't want anything to do with it. You think guys age 20-25 are bad? Look at the kids growing up now. When I was a kid I grew up on a hunting preserve and HATED being inside. Kids now are afraid to get dirty and want to be metros or gangsters.
     
  24. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Things change... you guys act like it's bad.

    Wether it's bad or good, it is definitely inevitable.
     
  25. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

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    I know they're up there at tech... actually some of the all around greatest guys I've ever met I've met there. I've dated a few while I was in high school and I have a lot of male friends there. Some of them are good with stuff like this but others are totally clueless. And you can't deny the socially awkward aspect that comes with guys attending a college with SUCH a high ratio of guys:girls.

    Maybe it's because I'm down here at VSU surrounded by idiots left and right :uh:
     

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