SRS Why is it when one thing goes wrong everything goes wrong?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Vay, Jul 10, 2005.

  1. Vay

    Vay New Member

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    Well I turn 21 today, and I had everything planned out where it would of been a blast. Instead I wanted to kill my self because what happen today. I was suppose to go out with my brother and best friend that I have known most of my life.

    Instead my best friend said he rather not go out today and my brother forgot about my birthday. Woohoo being 21 is so fun. You know I just want to kill my self right now. If you do not see me post any more you know why. :sadwavey:

    That was the start of it today since then it has been going down hill really fast today. I just give up I can not do this any more.
     
  2. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    :( happy berfday...

    one thing i've noticed, is that when you plan anything, everything but what was planned happens.

    i believe john lennon said it best, "life is what happens when you're making other plans."

    :dunno: :rofl: i've had to deal with everything going wrong but i have really weird bad luck. don't sweat it. shit happens.

    you know the saying, what goes down, must come up. :) hopefully you'll have a better day tomorrow!
     
  3. gourmizz

    gourmizz New Member

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    what do you mean "you cant take this anymore"

    what else has happened?
     
  4. seanjohn

    seanjohn i like to lurk, so DIAF OT Supporter

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    you know what? that really isnt even that bad.

    i mean it is great if other people remember birthdays of important people in their lives but they dont because theyve got their own lives to think about. people have different rules they live by.

    and the thing about one thing going wrong leading to another thing going wrong, i'd say that's more a matter of perception then the world out to get you.

    so cheer up, you dont always need others to do what you should do yourself :)
     
  5. Riconosuave

    Riconosuave New Member

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    Your 21st is supposed to be a big deal, but don't overreact about this. For me, Bdays aren't a big deal. Just another day. I don't ever tell anyone, because I don't want or need people to make a big deal over it.
     
  6. :smile:

    :smile: New Member

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    well happy birthday man, hang out with us on OT, theres always ppl on here for you to talk to
     
  7. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Yeah, I agree with whoever said it above there. What else happened?

    Turning 21 is a pretty big deal, I guess. Along with turning 16, turning 18 / 19, depending on your state. Turning 30.

    What else. Oh yeah, your first kiss. Cracking your first home run. The first time you had sex. The second time you had sex. Graduating from university. Proposing. Getting married. Watching your first child being born.

    The great thing about these once-in-a-lifetime milestones...is that there are so many of them.

    So...what else has been happening other than your brother forgetting about your birthday and your best friend obviously having something else going on (either good or bad) in his life at the moment...big enough to supersede a birthday party.

    I'm sure you feel pretty shitty right now, but try to have a larger perspective. No one likes to think they were forgotten, but other people have lives too.

    Maybe something really bad is happening to your buddy right now and he can't really celebrate much at a birthday party. Maybe your brother is pretty forgetful. Maybe he just found out he got his girlfriend pregnant. Maybe he just failed out of school. Maybe he got caught holding. Who knows.

    Point being, there could be a lot of other things going on, and this isn't something to end your life over.
     
  8. AO

    AO New Member

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    It could be Karma or it could be Fate. What good would it have been had you gone out, gotten plastered and then had been in a car accident? Instead of going clubbing I would have gone mountain climbing or water rafting. Not that something bad may not have happened then also. But one listens to one's dreams, trusts one's intuition and hopes for the best.

    So please stop thinking of depressing thoughts and saying things like, "I feel like killing myself." It will just reinforce life negative attitudes and will only poison your system. Instead of celebrating the one day and looking forward to the future, celebrate the past year (instead of the one day) and think back on all the good things that have happened.

    It's not too late to celebrate your birthday - just do what you would have done on another, more propituous, day. Celebrate your birthday when you're relaxed, not when you're hyped up.
     
  9. Vay

    Vay New Member

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    Well 4 other things happen yesterday. In which

    1. A good friends of the family daughter died in a car accident (happen 2 days ago).
    2. My own brother forgot my birthday (drunk off his ***). In which he is not home yet :squint: . Even after all the times I have picked him up in the middle of the night all the time. Reason is because he got a DUI so he can not drive right now.
    3. My best friend decided he rather just stay home watch tv then go out. In which I know he really had no plans at all.
    4. I am in a spot right now where I seem stuck in for the last 3 years. In which I was hoping to get out of starting yesterday... I guess I will just be stuck for good :(.

    The thing is my brother is the one that told me he wants to take me out, and my best friend said he wanted to go to the dance/bar places last night. Though instead they both ditched me, and not for good reasons at all. If they where good reasons I would of understood, but this is just.... hurts. :wtc:

    Maybe it is time to just move away where I live and start new on everything :(.


     
  10. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    unfortunately, moving away won't do crap. :( you still carry all your experiences and problems along with you. that's why they call it baggage ;)

    sorry about the death. in all honesty, that's the more important issue here. :(

    if things ALWAYS went our way, we wouldn't appreciate them as much. there's gotta be some kind of middle ground. it kinda reinforces that we're not perfect.

    anywho... :werd: with johan :mamoru:
     
  11. Vay

    Vay New Member

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    I just wanted to thank everyone who posted. I do feel much better now after typing it out. I guess I am just going through a hard time in my life the last couple of years, and just trying to find my own "place".

    Again thanks everyone :)
     
  12. tris

    tris New Member

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    It sounds like you placed alot of faith in turning 21. You said things haven't been going well the last 2-3 years, and now you're "still stuck" at 21. . .

    I swear once you get drunk, and have a brother/friend tell you "happy birthday" or "Hey, man, I really love you.", all your animosity should just wash away. Life really is too short to hold a grudge. Be as forgiving as possible, and know that while your brother is out, drunk off his a** and your best friend would rather watch Renn and Stimpy than take you out for your 21-Run, that they've got their own things to work through, whether they'd rather share them with you or not. Some of us live like this, and actually enjoy it --So what are you fighting?
     
  13. RyeBread

    RyeBread If you tell the truth you don't have to remember a

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    change your perception, ie how you view it.

    think you have troubles?

    My past 6 months:
    Grandpa diagnosed with cancer. fights cancer loses. He lives in Las Vegas - multiple trips out there by us, and/or my wife. Lots of time off work.

    20 something cousin - brain bleed - then 14 hours of brain surgery - lives in columbus - multiple road trips

    6 month old nephew - series of major/catastrophic siezures began at 6 weeks of age - lives in milaukee - multiple road trips. poor tyke has been revived now 5x in his young life.

    3 weeks ago, my father was found in respitory arrest, not breathing, pupils blown. week in the ICU. he's 58 years old, and is now in a rehab center.

    this weekend, I was at an open casket funeral for a neighbor's only child. he was about 2 1/2 years old - lost a 2 year fight with neuroblastoma (another form of cancer) This kid was 10 days younger than my youngest son. Hit pretty hard...

    two of the other major support/project leads at work have quit in disgust, and I can't stand this place much longer myself...

    on a daily basis, am I wrining my hands and plotting my own demise? fuck no. life goes on, and I at least prefer to count the blessings I do have each day.

     
  14. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Happy Birthday Vay :wavey:

    Well, this day will go Apeshit, that's what i think about every day in my life. And that comes closest to the truth so far i know, that way i don't worry so much if things actually go wrong, because there's an expectansy value towards it.

    Its also a problem that lies within yourself, here's another life lesson. The more you want , the more trouble you get. troubles + will orientated mindset, seem to go hand in hand. Every action brings consequenses, and you wanting something to happen was no exeption on that. Next time, hope for the best and prepare for the worst. There always should be a 'expectation' of the nightmare scenario in the back of your mind. Don't worry about it too much tho, there's always next year.

    I know where you come from , i had this type of thing happening to me too. It left me quite a mental scar, and nice is something different. But keep your hopes up high, no matter how deep a soul has fallen there is always a way out. Time will erode all pain, and in the future you will see these kinds of signs and be able to walk away, and see the sun come out again.
     
  15. Vay

    Vay New Member

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    Well it is July 17th now and my birthday was on the 9th. Since then I only been around my two friends 1 time since then. Every other time they seem to blow me off. One friend I have known for 15 years and the other for 7 years. Why is it when one thing starts to pick up another part of my life goes down hill?

    Maybe it is time to find new friends and just let go of these friends. :dunno:
     
  16. Nightshade

    Nightshade New Member

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    haha ...

    case closed dude!!
     
  17. johan

    johan Active Member

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    My guess is that these friends weren't particularly close to you.

    You don't need to drop these ones, although it seems like they've sorta dropped you. Or more likely you've just outgrown each other.

    Instead just focus on doing things you enjoy doing. Try to live your life just as you would, friend or no friend.

    You'll meet other people along the way, maybe some of them would make good friends. Eventually...you'll have a new set of friends.

    It's a lifelong process of renewal. The really good ones hang around on their own, the other 98% are just acquaintances. They'll come and go through the years as their time and interest dictate. It's just the way life is.
     
  18. KatWoman

    KatWoman •••••••••••

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    I guess I am bit late on this thread, but happy birthday anyway :wavey:


    I even made you a cake :big grin:
    [​IMG]


    Sometimes our biggest moments in life really show us who our friends really are (or aren't). Yes it is very disappointing to find out those you thought you could rely on are worthless when it comes to friendship. In that case you need to just count your losses and move on. They aren't the only friends you'll ever have. There are other friendships out there waiting to happen.

    I've had a few forgotten birthdays here n there (friends forgetting, family knows better :rofl: ) and yes it hurt, but it also was a relief later on to see that I was wasting my time trying to make friendships work that really weren't meant to last as long as I wanted them to. It's like trying to stop the leak in a dam only to have other leaks pop up and then the dam bursts and away goes everything anyway. Maybe that's a crappy comparison but I am working on 3 hours of sleep here :p


    Try not to take it too personally, perhaps these people had their own agenda going on, although it was rude to forget you, but while they were doing their own thing they missed out on a good time and perhaps now they are missing out on a good friendship...that will be their loss.

    :hug:
     
  19. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    Bah, birthdays are just another day celebrating getting older...what's so good about that? Judge your friends only by what they do for you when shit hits the fan rather then by how many birthdays they can remember.

    Now your brother on the other hand... :nono: Still, if you kill yourself now, you won't have the opportunity to feed him the guilt trip for the rest of the coming 364 days.
     
  20. Vay

    Vay New Member

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    Well the thing with my brother is I always stand up for him, and protect him in away. I give him rides from town (2 am some times) and take him into town. When his girl friend broke up with him I rented a movie for him, and gave him some money to buy pizza. Then he does this to me... out of all the time I have helped him over the years. After he got a DUI and I help him out every way possible when I can.

    As well for the birthday yes it was suppose to be a great day since I was turning the big 21. Though it does not mean it is the end of the world for me I guess. It just hurt to see what friends I really had, but I can only do so much.

    Anyways I meet this girl at work, and we seem to be getting a long very nice so far :). In fact we are going camping and go drinking that night! (yes we will be in different tents :nono: ). So she is in away cheering me up :wiggle: .
     
  21. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    it's just an orbit around the sun. you will still have fun drinking. it's shitty that they forgot about your birthday but accidents happen. you still should evaluate how often they do this because that's bad for their image, to ditch you on your bday.

    I've had a lot of bad shit happen latley. I am just decideding to try and let it go. I feel like I am bottling slightly but what can I do about it? Absoloutly nothing, so I will try and just keep on living and chasing my goals.
     
  22. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    When one thing goes wrong, you lose equanimity and become pessimistic. Then everything seems wrong. The problem is with your mind. It is a wild animal that you have little control over. You can tame it.

    www.dhamma.org
     
  23. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Hey, I was thinking about going to a retreat last year.

    But they had only 10-day ones open at that time, and I was looking for a 3-day one. Maybe I'll get off my duff and go back this fall.
     
  24. WPInerd

    WPInerd New Member

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    things will get better, i had a stretch like that for a year, and now finally things are starting to slowly but surely get better
     
  25. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    10 days is a good intro. Its hard, but worth it.
     

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