Why is it so hard to get over someone?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Ivandrago, Feb 6, 2010.

  1. Ivandrago

    Ivandrago I must break you.

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    It's been a long enough time, 10 years to be exact. The only person I ever said I loved to, besides my family and friends, the only person that was absolutely perfect in every way, etc.

    At this point, not sure if I'm stuck on the actual person or if its' the ideal image of her built up in my head from 10 years ago, but I can't let her go. And it might actually be preventing me from letting anyone else get close, since in my subconscious, I have this perfect person built up...and unconsciously I start comparing someone new to her, and the new person loses out every single time.

    Any suggestions on how to get over someone, how to break up the perfect image of them you have in your head, how to get past it, how not to let it affect your potential future relationship, etc? I am all ears here...

    Damn it love can be so complex.:o
     
  2. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    10 years? WTF....

    Why did the relationship end? There have to have been things that weren't so good, just try to remind yourself what the bad things were and realize why it didn't happen.

    Also, just start dating a bunch of different girls casually, and you probably will find that there are other girls out there who possess the same qualities you "loved" about your ex.
     
  3. Kyoko

    Kyoko New Member

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    How old were you when you dated them?
     
  4. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Find a therapist.
     
  5. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    .


    10 years isn't even close to normal.
     
  6. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

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    here is why. quoted from your own words.



    bolded the important part that is keeping you stuck.


    the mind is a powerful deal. you convinced yourself that it can not happen. weak mental game, and you have to choose to fix it. in the end, only you are going to control the outcome of it all.
     
  7. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    is she the one that got away? did you fuck up the RS and cant get over it?
    how long did you guys date for?
     
  8. Ivandrago

    Ivandrago I must break you.

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    20.
     
  9. Ivandrago

    Ivandrago I must break you.

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    It's not that I haven't dated at all, haven't had relationship, etc. I had all of the above...but it all comes back full circle to that one person from ten year ago. It's ridiculously frustrating...
     
  10. Kyoko

    Kyoko New Member

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    Dude, this is not healthy. You need therapy. The fact that you're 30 years old and still don't have your shit together is a very bad thing. If you don't go get professional help for this - NOW - you will only dig yourself a bigger emotional hole and age terribly and miserably and die a lonely, bitter, dysfunctional, broken man. Go get help.

    Something tells me that your problem goes deeper than your obsession with this girl. I have a feeling that perhaps you experienced some kind of emotional trauma/abuse at a young age...but I'm not a professional. Go find one and fix yourself.
     
  11. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Because you're in love with the idea of her instead of focusing on the reality.
     
  12. Ivandrago

    Ivandrago I must break you.

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    Harsh. ;) I'll say no to the abuse/trauma thought, because that never happened.

    As you say, I have my 'shit' together in other aspects, and as I said before, it's not that I haven't dated, had relationships, etc. It's just been hard to get over that one person.
     
  13. Ivandrago

    Ivandrago I must break you.

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    True. I need to stop being in love with that idea.
     
  14. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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  15. Ivandrago

    Ivandrago I must break you.

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  16. OT Addict

    OT Addict New Member

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    Just out of curiosity... are you an only child?
     
  17. Kev07

    Kev07 New Member

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  18. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    How long did you date for and why did it end?

    Sounds to me like you you're still holding onto the relationship and have not accepted the fact that she's gone and not coming back.

    10 years is a long time. You said yourself that you only focus on how great and perfect she was. Why don't you ever focus on the negative? If you guys are not together today then there must be something bad about her and I'm sure if you try to move past the fantasy idealization you've built up of her and start rebuilding that person you're seeing with some of the negative included as well, then you'll be able to accept the fact that it ended for a reason and it's time to get over her.
     
  19. forgotmyname

    forgotmyname Active Member

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    I am willing to bet she looks different now from 10 years ago.
     
  20. more off

    more off Moderator

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    nobody is perfect. this girl definitely wasn't.

    but there is somebody out there perfect for YOU. go find them.
     
  21. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    Why do you ask? I'm an only child and I don't have the same trouble getting over people the TS describes....
     
  22. more off

    more off Moderator

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    only child here too and i've had my heart broken but have moved on to love again
     
  23. Ivandrago

    Ivandrago I must break you.

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    :wavey:

    This thread is getting old.

    Good news: I am over that girl
    Better news: I found someone else who is absolutely wonderful. :bigthumb:
     
  24. more off

    more off Moderator

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    :bowdown:
     
  25. fray

    fray New Member

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    Lol. It's only been a month or two. Haha. Stuck for 10 years and then
    2 months later it's all over. :rofl:
     

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