SRS Why don't I listen to myself

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by kf4zht, Feb 3, 2009.

  1. kf4zht

    kf4zht New Member

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    I am such a damn idiot.

    3 years ago I broke up with my ex so that she could go on and be the person she needed to be. After doing that and the pain I went through I told myself that I would never let myself get involved with someone again. I am a loner, and I have no problem with that.

    But I fucked up. I hung around a girl for the past few weeks. I grew closer to her, and she to me. We both opened up and let each other know about our feelings for each other. But of course it wasn't that easy. She also likes a mutual friend of ours and tonight told me that she is not going to do anything with either of us, she prefers to know she has both our friendships to one or the other.

    This was the first time in 3 years I really felt anything for someone other than one other girl, and there are reasons why I never tried that one. Why couldn't I just be myself and pass over this one too.

    It isn't the first time I didn't follow my own better judgement, and everytime I get fucked over.
     
  2. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    You didn't fuck up man, but you do have to know when to detach.

    Detach. Think of it like this, do you like being abused by cupid, and having him shove his arrow up your ass? Of course not. You have to know when to snap your fingers and to say "Woah, wake up man, this is a fantasy. This girl isn't right, I've gotten back way up."

    Back up man. This is something I have learned as I've gone, and it wasn't easy initially. You have to have convictions about the "red flags" you see, so you can protect yourself.

    Detaching is simple. You tell yourself in your mind that the person is expendable, and then you treat them that way. In other words you're not cruel or rude, you just never invest anything in them. It's like a tongue depressor, or a pair of latex gloves, or a strip of toilet paper. There easy to toss. Treat any who doesn't meet your standards the same way.

    You avoid them, or ignore them, keep talking to a minimal, and basically be polite when you do talk, but form "no" emotional attachment.
     
  3. SuckerPhree

    SuckerPhree New Member

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    That's good advice.

    Also, kf4zht, I think maybe you're lonely. This second girl was the first gal to come around and show you attention, so it's natural to be fond of her.

    I wish we could all think logically 100% of the time.
     
  4. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Is she still going to have your friendship though? Do you still want to stay friends with her now? That's prolly a BS excuse anyway.
     
  5. kf4zht

    kf4zht New Member

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    Yes we are still going to be friends. And ignoring her won't work to well either. She, the other guy and I are all on the same fire dept. That was another reason I knew I should have stayed away.

    I don't know. I am kind of hoping he starts dating someone new now that he is legally seperated. Then she may be willing, I doubt she is going to date him.

    She isn't the first girl in a while to show me attention, she was just the first that I could actually see was worth pursuing.
     
  6. k1ko

    k1ko OT Supporter

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    if you aren't her first choice then she isn't worth it.
     
  7. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    I wouldnt be her friend. you have feelings for her she obviously does not have the same feelings for you. Thats not going to work out for you.
     

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