why does she flip out on me over stupid things?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by NaviQ200, Dec 15, 2007.

  1. NaviQ200

    NaviQ200 New Member

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    First of, i'm not talking about an SO, just a friend. Actually a girl in my faculty. I see her everyday because we work in the same area, and we're pretty close. We started working together in the summer. I was coming out of a relationship at the time, so i didn't really get to hang out with her. But once we partied a few times with all the other co-workers i decided to ask her out. But little did i know, i was already friendzoned. However we kept flirting for a while, and then i find out she carries way worse baggage than i did. She was coming outta a really intense relationship with a cheating boyfriend. Anyway, we get a long quite well, we hang out all the time, and over these last 5 or 6 months, i have grown to like her even more, and i don't hide it from her anymore. She hasn't really been interested in anyone during the time we've been friends (same with me), but recently I've started dating this other girl. Up till now i was trying to win her trust/ win her over, but i THINK, she made it clear to me she doesn't want a relationship. Too bad because she's truly the perfect fit for me.

    Anyway, all that stuff i can handle, and the fact that she'll need more time to get over her ex-bf and learn to trust again is also understandable

    But my question is, why oh why does she start fights over the smallest things? Almost as if we are in a relationship. I've talked to her about it, but that just fuels the fire more... it's been like this for at least 3 months now (we're really close friends, we don't fight all the time, but it does happen from time to time - and only with her - i've never seen/heard her fight with any of her other friends).

    We have very similar arguing techniques which clashes quite often, but i've learned to back off more than i would normally. Also she has a tendency to make sure i never forget something i did to upset her no matter how long ago. I'm confused, is she sexually frustrated? what is going on??
     
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2007
  2. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    what do you fight about

    what are your arguing styles

    what do you do to upset her

    why do you do it
     
  3. NaviQ200

    NaviQ200 New Member

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    I don't do anything consciously to upset her. I am a very blunt person and I use that to be witty/hilarious. Some of my jokes might be interpreted differently, but i make sure my delivery doesn't give the wrong impression. However, that doesn't happen all the time, i guess I have a big mouth, and when i fuck up my delivery i don't hear the end of it.

    For instance, recently this is our fight:

    Her: So i bought xmas gifts for so and so at work
    Me: oh yea? who?
    Her: .. names a few ppl we work with, then says i also bought something for dr. Pang, kathy, etc .. basically ppl she doesn't even say hello to on a daily basis.
    Me: (as a joke) oh wow, so you're trying to buy your love .. hehehe
    conversation continues, but then 5min later outta the blue:
    Her: what do you mean i'm trying to buy my love?
    --- insert huge fight ---
     
  4. NaviQ200

    NaviQ200 New Member

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    oh, and we resolve that whole issue, and later she messages me apologizing for her actions, but then she brought it up again a few days ago - i just said i can't handle this, i thought we went over it, and walked off. but theres no tension between us now, it's as if we're both so used to it.
     
  5. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    as far as i've ever seen, it takes two to fight.

    why don't you just stick to only two modes: joking and mild-apologizing.

    then, no more fights.

    "what do you mean i'm trying to buy my love?"
    "meaning love-prostitution. they are the whores giving you love and your presents are the fee." (obviously joking)
    "how can you say that?"
    "because i have SUCH a terrible sense of humor." (obviously joking)
    "that's for fucking sure. how can you say that to me?"
    "you know what... you're right. i guess it was a bit much. sorry :hs:" (mild apology)

    just ... never switch modes. either joke or apologize. every every every single time.

    each time, it's a deflator. she has to spend too much energy to keep fighting a one-directional battle.
     
  6. NaviQ200

    NaviQ200 New Member

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    well, my problem isn't how to resolve the fights, i've tried quite different techniques. Trust me, i've done the whole keep with the joking thing, but she won't budge sometimes.

    My confusion is but why is she even starting fights? There are times, when i know for sure if i had said the same thing as so-and-so said, i would be in deep shit.
     
  7. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    no, it is about preventing escalation.

    if it never becomes a fight, she's not starting fights. she's being insecure and offering you bait - but you are too slippery a fish.
     
  8. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    so i guess the question becomes, why is she baiting you?

    probably because she's closer to you than most people so she acts clingy?

    some people are like that with friends
     
  9. NaviQ200

    NaviQ200 New Member

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    hmmm... true to some extend, but i never get a clingy vibe from her at all. (unless you and I have different understanding as to whats 'clingy')

    define clingy?
     
  10. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    just like... she's put you in a special emotional place which makes her a lot more sensitive to how you treat her than is normal for friends.
     
  11. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    i.e. it's not rlly something to worry about.

    ...or are you thinking about it in terms of your chances of getting physically intimate with her?
     
  12. NaviQ200

    NaviQ200 New Member

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    oh yea, not a big issue to worry about, but then again i would like to avoid this because i'm not getting anything out of it - i mean this would be a lot more tolerable if there was physical intimacy... that said, i'm a sucker for falling for bait because of that - she's just so damn sexy, i can't help being physically attracted to her more than anyone i know at the moment (including the girl i'm dating)!! when she gets all pissy and fighty, a lot of emotions arise and i just get sucked in...
     
  13. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    you are enjoying yourself :dunno:

    good stuff
     
  14. ChaCha

    ChaCha Active Member

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    this relationship won't last.

    I'd get out now before you waste anymore time on all this negativity.
     
  15. NaviQ200

    NaviQ200 New Member

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    nah, not enjoying myself, i wish there could be more than just stupid fights, but i'd be a fool to give my situation the benefit of the doubt, just gotta avoid the fights i guess - i feel like i get sucked into the fights in hopes of actually getting closer... is that even feasible?
    bahhh sucks to be in this position i guess.

    chacha: she's just a friend - and even if we were in a relationship i doubt i'd get out just over stupid fights (unless they were very frequent).
     

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