SRS why does it bother me that my ex found a man so quickly?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by stryfe101, Aug 27, 2008.

  1. stryfe101

    stryfe101 New Member

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    Hey guys...

    this is a really long story, but in the short, my ex fiance and I broke up a month ago, I fell out of love with her because of what she became towards me a while back, I ended hooking up with someone else a week after and found it wasn't what I wanted. Now I at first didn't miss her, because I felt the whole time we were in the relationship I was being controlled and dominated. Now I've moved to a new town, and I don't know anyone here, and I miss her terribly. I also miss out daughter too. What bothers me is she met a guy quickly, and is now having sex with him and letting him be around our daughter alot...the thoughts of someone else loving and playing with MY daughter kills me...because I don't get to see her much(even though I call her at least twice a day) My ex says she still loves me, and will give up this dude for me again, but this guy is a better man than me. He's a firefighter, I sit in front of a computer all day, he has money, I don't have much now, he's got a house, (i do too but the bank will own it soon), and he has 3 cars...I've got 2 one of which is hers. I feel like I can't compete with this guy and my self esteem is very low now, so what do I want to do? take her back and hope her promise to better towards me is true...


    anyway hope this isn't too short but I really need some advise....
     
  2. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

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    Why is he 'better' than you? Cause of physical possessions?

    That's low.

    A man is a man, regardless of their position at work, or how many cars they own. You, and him, are the exact same thing. Get that straight. He's no better than you, as you're no better then him.

    From what you're portraying, it seems like you really don't care about your ex as much as you do your child (of course). Because she was able to wrap her self up with someone else, jealousy sunk in and you now want something that's currently unattainable.

    However, I feel like you're doubting yourself. Because of this guys position, his bank account and possessions, do you feel he'd be able to provide for your ex and child better than you could / have? Are you afraid that he'll be a better care-taker than you?

    That's where you have to man up and understand the situation. Fuck bank account and materialistic shit, are you telling yourself you're not a good father? Cause hell, from reading your post, it seems like the most important thing in this world is your child.

    You are dad. Remember that.
     
  3. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    So...you hooked up with a woman a week after the breakup you initated and a month later she meets a new guy and you are pissed? Hypocritical much?

    The bigger point is-stay in contact with your daughter. In the meantime, fix your life and make it one you can be proud of so you're not comparing yourself to this new guy. Getting back with your ex fiancee is not going to help your self-esteem nor will all your problems fade away. You said you fell out of love woith her, so now it is just jealousy that is fueling your feelings and they would never last. The breakup was obviously a good thing because you can now no longer hide all the cons that are your life behind the comfortablilty and stability of your past relationship.

    Now you have to become someone any woman would desire to be with and a man that you would respect. And more importantly, fix your life up for your daughter's sake.
     
    Last edited: Aug 27, 2008
  4. stryfe101

    stryfe101 New Member

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    Both of you are right....I will never not be my child's dad and thats the one reason why my ex still loves me....if I tell her right now I wanted to try this again she'll do it...she still loves me, even though said guy is better in those ways, she always has said none of the materialistic shit matters...and if money is a factor, I have started a new job where I'm making more than I ever have in my life...where even after the 800 dollars of child support comes out i'll be taking home more than I did at my last job...

    heres a quick run down of the time line..

    I met her 3 years ago, things went fast..july we met, sept. we were a couple, jan. we were engaged, feb. we were pregnant and living together... I had never been in any relationship before this, so it was all new to me. My mom died sept. of that year and I went and found another job and moved us to a small town 4 hours from all of our family.....that pretty much ruined it. We got broke from me buying a house, she got addicted to pain pills to make me seem further away, we both got put on lexapro, then I got fired from my job 2 months ago....that started the downward spiral of shit that is my life now.

    but dreams2reality is right..I need to man up and realize i'm an awesome dude, I know i've got issues with my self image and self esteem, and I seriously need to talk to a therapist. I also need to find myself again or figure out who I am...but the main thing is..I do still love her, and I love my daughter..
     
  5. mrflicharger

    mrflicharger Put your lips on it

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    Maybe your jealous because she just went out and got a piece of ass, and she is in a relationship? More details on what she became....
     
  6. :f13nd15h:

    :f13nd15h: Gangstah fo' lyfe

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    Do what is in your daughter's best interest.
     
  7. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    wow...

    well, for starters, what is up with this concept of a "better" man? :eek3: it's sooo weird because i was recently told i need a "better" man [than my ex] a few days ago. :dunno:

    from what you posted about your daughter, it seems to me that you're a damn good father. you call your daughter 2x a day!? shit, i'd be impressed with a few times a week. :bigthumb: material things, regardless if you can afford them or not, shouldn't be use to win over the love & affection of another.

    thanks for posting all the personal information. to be honest with you, i really agree that you need to work on your self image and self esteem, and talking to a counselor would probably help. :) in addition, your ex probably needs to do the same. you guys have had quite a rough 3 years.

    i wanted to comment about the fact that the two of you still love each other. well, i'm a big advocate of fighting for what you want in life. if you are in love with her and she's in love with you, then fight to be together! take the time to work on the relationship. go to a couples counselor together and/or alone and put forth the effort to see if you can work things out. i'm not saying for your daughter's sake because the two of you can co-parent if the love's not there. if honest, true, real feelings still exist do whatever it takes to see if you can rebuild the relationship.

    :dunno: at least you won't have to worry "what if" if it doesn't work out.

    :o i still think the first step for the two of you is to work on fixing yourselves individually.
     
  8. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    :bowdown: this is freakin awesome! :o i'm totally emailing this to myself!
     
  9. stryfe101

    stryfe101 New Member

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    hey guys....well we talked, and all she wants is the chance to show me she loves me again, and I still love her....I brought up the material stuff other guy has and she says she is not concerned with that, that she'd rather be with me, and have us as a whole family and be broke than to be with someone else, be an incomplete family, and have everything..... I still love her alot, I miss her and my daughter, so we are going to take things slow...and try it again. If its meant to be, then you know what we have seen that we can handle a major bump in the road....I know both our families are going to think we are crazy....but its not them we are looking to make happy...its ourselves. And yes I will be seeking counceling, i'm working on my self image(working out, walking, eating better) and with that I will feel better about myself, just knowing she picks me over someone else that I feel is better helps...


    Thanks guys....this was my first time posting in the asylum, but i've always come here when I need a good read...its helped me out alot.

    now I so can't wait to get on the road tomorrow at 12 to see them....we've got a big weekend planned...

    Gray
     
  10. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    :)

    congrats! i hope everything works out well for all three of you!
     
  11. stryfe101

    stryfe101 New Member

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    everything did go well, but she decided to come clean to me and tell me the whole other man thing was made up just to make me jealous and to get me back(she said she tried everything to get me back and that was the last thing she could think of..well it worked..lol)...I don't really know what to think of all that, but she does love me and she wants me back after all i've done to hurt her even though she knows the way she treated me caused me to do what I did to her....anyway I'm sticking it out, I miss her, and our life together when it was good, plus I want to be in my little girls life as much as possible, I spent the day sunday chasing my daughter around the beach all day and I enjoyed it... Her dad supports us while my dad called me a fucking idiot to want to take her back when all he cares about and has cared about is us getting married because we have a child and are (gasp!) unmarried...(my relationship with my remaining family is another looong story for a good therapist)

    one thing that I know I have to work on is the money does not equal happiness thing...its just that the person I was before I met her had pretty much all I wanted due to spending everything I had when I got it(20k in a fixed up import car, tons of useless crap that has since just sat in boxes and moved many times) I'm really bad with wanting material stuff, I can't help it, It goes back to my upbringing of not having much when I was a kid and have champaign tastes on a beer budget. Like right now, I'm behind on all my bills dues to losing my job, I cashed out all my retirement stuff to get moved and get set-up and then what do I do....I go out and pay cash for a motorcycle just because it was availiable and I always wanted one...now I love riding, that made me happy, but it was the wrong thing at the wrong time, and I realized that when I spent the last 2 weeks being super broke because I didn't leave myself with quite enough money to get moved with.... plus I really need to be saving money and getting bills and credit cards that are in collections paid off...plus one really major thing thats going to happen in the next 6 months is I'll be either filing for chapter 7 bankruptcy or letting the bank foreclose on the house I bought. Now my no-longer ex knows all this and tells me she truly does not care about the money, about having nice stuff, she gets tired of me wanting to buy her stuff all the time...so I guess she really wants to stick with me(which is hard for me to understand because of the whole low self esteem thing)

    I will, as soon as I have the extra money, seek some professional counseling to help me figure out why I am the way I am, and why I also feel the need to put others happiness before my own, why I keep everything bottled up inside and don't express my feelings to those who do care about me, and to be bothered so much by what people who are not in direct contact with my life think of me and what I have. She also is going counselling now to help her thru some of her mental issues, and we will seek counselling together once we get moved in together again...

    anyway guys thanks for the help, the more I think about it all the better I feel, she has to get past the issue of me sleeping with another woman after she and I broke up(she understands for the most part of why I did it, but still it hurts her) and I have to get over the fact the the crackhead, sit on the couch all day and take pills to push me away is really gone, and to drop the walls i've put up to protect me from that person and know the woman I fell in love with is back for good..(she better be, cause i'm not going thru that nightmare again, and If I have to i'm giving up on her for good)


    take it easy everyone....thanks again for the help....
     
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2008

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