SRS Why does falling for someone suck?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Reaver2218, Aug 30, 2007.

  1. Reaver2218

    Reaver2218 Active Member

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    I just met this girl a week ago and I don't know what to do. When she is around it's the best feeling in the world. When she isn't around it's the worse feeling ever. I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling like my happiness is dependent on someone else...especially someone I just met.

    I'm trying to play it cool but it's SOOO difficult. I call her maybe once a day but I want to call her constantly. The weird thing is that I know she likes me but she doesn't really give me compliments...I know actions speak louder than words but it would be nice to hear that I'm funny or attractive every now and then. Maybe she feels the same way that I do and is trying to play it cool too.

    Talk to me.
    :hs:
     
  2. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    :hs: I know what you mean.

    it sucks and it hurts. but maybe she will come around. it seems like she doesn't dislike you from what you're saying, but more so you two are getting things started :dunno:

    hang in there and keep doing what you're doing. If you feel like you need to express where you two stand, then do so. Maybe she's just as confused as you are

    i think everyone goes through falling for someone. it's a bittersweet feeling really; to know what you can have, and it's so close
     
  3. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    The post I linked to holds the answers to all your questions.

    Short answer:
    - You are experiencing the effects of various chemicals in your brain that are very similar to drugs such as cocaine and heroin. You are experiencing a high and a withdrawal.

    Long answer:
    http://forums.offtopic.com/showpost.php?p=80436524&postcount=8
     
  4. calisteph6

    calisteph6 Active Member

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    I was going to come in and post

    ibfalconers love is a drug article.

    too late!
     
  5. Reaver2218

    Reaver2218 Active Member

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    Wow, Falconer. Thanks for that post.
    I'm ignoring my gut and not calling her, at least not today. I'll probably call her tomorrow. I can't wait. :hs:
     
  6. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    That's good, it's really not necessary to call/text/IM her every day. It will only push her away. Keep it to every 2-3 days, go out and do other stuff so you don't go so crazy thinking about her.
     
  7. ///M Pilot

    ///M Pilot New Member

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    clingy ppl ftl

    sorry
     
  8. Reaver2218

    Reaver2218 Active Member

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    Since when is calling a chick you're really into every 2-3 days clingy? :wtf:
     
  9. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    You said you call her "maybe once a day".
     
  10. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You call her once a day and you aren't boyfriend/girlfriend? Sounds like you are royally setting yourself up in the friendzone. Make a fucking move already!
     
  11. ///M Pilot

    ///M Pilot New Member

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    And you've known her for a week.
    And you claimed that you want to call her all the time.
    And you claimed that your "happiness" is "dependent" upon someone you've known for a week.
    And you're getting upset that she's not putting out the attraction signals.

    No, that doesn't sound clingy to me...
     
  12. Reaver2218

    Reaver2218 Active Member

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    We made out on the second night. We both stood to give hugs but instead I picked her up, sat her on the counter and went in for the kiss. We fooled around a little bit on Sunday.

    I posted the "maybe once a day" as a guess. We met Friday, went out to a club together on Saturday, went to a movie on sunday. She invited me up to her room on Sunday...we fooled around a little bit.
    Monday she sent me a friend request on myspace and sent me a message. Tuesday I called her, got vm but didn't leave a message. She sent me a text later saying she was at a bar. I ignored the text, so a half hour later she called me from the ladies bathroom. She then called me when she was leaving the bar, I ended up picking her up and bringing her to my place where we continued to fool around but didn't have sex because it was that time of the month.
    Wednesday at about 5:30pm I sent her a text making sure she got home okay because she was still hungover and sleepy when she left here, she called me at 9pm when she was on her way to have dinner with some friends.

    I haven't tried to make contact since then, which means yesterday is the only day we haven't talked. I am thinking about not making contact for another day and just doing my own thing tonight.

    Now that I've given you more details what do you guys think?

    CLIFFS: Saw each other friday, saturday and sunday, she myspace messaged me monday, I called her tuesday and wednesday but not yesterday. Made out with her the second night I knew her, our first time alone together. Now what does OT think?

    PS Thanks for the opinions wether I agree with them or not. :)
     
  13. Reaver2218

    Reaver2218 Active Member

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    Well I ended up calling her last friday. She didn't answer so I didn't leave a message. She called me back an hour or so later and we talked for about half an hour. I invited her out Saturday night and she said she wasn't sure if she would be back in town or not. I told her that either way was cool. So, fast forward to Saturday night.

    She meets me at my place and we go to dinner at a hot new Italian restaurant where a friend of mine had made reservations for four. Conversation was decent. We then went to a higher scale night club in town where a friend of mine had VIP with bottle service. Our conversation all night was okay but she would not let me get physical with her AT ALL. If we were walking somewhere I would stick my hand out for her to grab and if she did grab it she didn't hold it for long. She sat next to me but not closely. She had her arms and legs crossed all night.

    After the club we went back to my place. She didn't want to come in because she was tired, initially I told her that it was probably a good idea not to...which threw her for a loop. But then I realized she did have a bit to drunk and she is a tiny girl so it wasn't quite qood idea for her to drive 20 minutes home. After some coaxing on my part she agreed to come in.

    We watched some TV, myself on one end of the sofa and her at the other. She put her feet up on the couch to lay on it, and I did the same making our feet touch. She IMMEDIATELY pulled her feet back. If it wasn't already clear that she didn't want me to touch her, it was now. This is a complete reversal of where we were the first weekend we met.
    I asked her what was going on. She played dumb..."about what?"
    "What's going on with you? If I touch you, you pull away."
    "I don't know."
    I told her I wanted to talk about it, she said that she didn't and grabbed her stuff to leave. Right before she left she came over and gave me a hug and then LOOKED UP AT ME WITH HER LIPS PUCKERED FOR A KISS!!! I kissed her and said "So I get a kiss now huh?"
    "Don't you want it?"
    I ignored her question and told her to text me when she got home so I'd know she made it safely.

    Well by time she stepped out of the door my emotions were a mess. I couldn't figure out why she was being so physically cold and why she didn't want to talk about it. So in a moment of weakness I called her and told her to come back so we could talk...which she of course declined. I told her to call me if she wants to hang out and she said okay.

    Keep in mind that as hard as this may be to believe after reading these posts, I was not coming from a place of neediness. It would take too long for me to explain how I wasn't conveying neediness but trust me when I saw I wasn't.

    So anyway, she sent me a text when she got home. I didn't hear from her monday and I made no effort to contact her. A little after midnight this morning she sent me a text saying that she was sorry she hadn't called, she was sick all weekend and that she would give me "a call tomorrow or something."

    I'd like to hear some more opinions and I would also like to know if I should even reply to that last text message. :dunno:
     
  14. Reaver2218

    Reaver2218 Active Member

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    My opinion of the situation is that we moved too far too fast and she is trying to put the brakes on it. Maybe she isn't even sure that she likes me romantically. :dunno:
     
  15. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Don't reply, just wait and see if she calls.
     
  16. maskednegator

    maskednegator Kosmonaut, best we've got...

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    you told her it's not a good idea for her to come in, then convinced her to go up anyway.
    you had a conversation with a chick you've known a week about how things between you two are wierd.
    you sent her home, then immediately called her.
    this all reeks of neediness and insecurity.

    i think she was initially attracted to you, but this kind of behavior is driving her away. do your own thing for awhile, let her call you.
     
  17. RageUnleashed

    RageUnleashed New Member

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    Calm down about it, I know its hard but you shouldn't be this stressed this soon!
     
  18. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Nutcase. Move on.

    If you don't, this example here will be a repeating pattern throughout your relationship.

    You are in the early stages. You are setting the rules for how you allow people to treat you. Do you hang out with wishy-washy people who play games and don't know what they want?
     
  19. Johnny Walker

    Johnny Walker :werd:

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    she was attracted to you because she didn't know if she could have you or not. now she knows you're wrapped around her little finger, so she's going to play with you like a toy. stop all efforts with this bitch
     
  20. johan

    johan Active Member

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    You come off rather clingy and needy.
    She seems a bit put off, but she also seems a little demanding.
    Interest is waning.
    And she seems to be into playing games, although not more than most girls.

    Odd as it sounds, you can move things forward by taking a step backwards and calming down.

    And one more thing. She better be worth this hassle.
    I think you know what I mean.
     
  21. Reaver2218

    Reaver2218 Active Member

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    Well I sent her a text last night saying I hoped she was feeling better. She called me 4 minutes later and we made small talk for about 15 minutes at which point I ended the conversation.
    The last time I checked this thread there weren't any replies so I don't want you guys thinking I asked for advice and then ignored it.

    I talked to some friends that give pretty good advice and both of them said to text if I wanted because we're no longer in the attraction stage. :dunno:

    The good news is I'm not stressed out about it at all. Whatever happens, happens.
     
  22. Reaver2218

    Reaver2218 Active Member

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    With that said when would you guys make next contact?
    I'd like to do something with her this weekend but I'm thinking of not calling her at all until at least sunday or monday. :dunno:
     
  23. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Stop contacting her and let her contact you if she wants to.
     
  24. Reaver2218

    Reaver2218 Active Member

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    Okay I'll give it a shot.
     
  25. johan

    johan Active Member

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    .
     

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