SRS why does being in a relationship make me more depressed?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by peateargriffin, May 26, 2005.

  1. I was single and miserable for the longest time....

    I finally meet somebody great that really seems to care about me, but it's like being with her just amplifies the things about my life that suck.

    no matter what I do I just cant be happy with her.........it's driving me nuts :sad2:
     
  2. thefireflyjar

    thefireflyjar New Member

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    Because you're being a whiney little bitch. You need to learn to appreciate what's in front of you before your depression drives her away.
     
  3. hmmm replies like that dont seem very helpful
     
  4. thefireflyjar

    thefireflyjar New Member

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    In other words you want people to feel sorry for you. Too bad. If it's actual depression, then seek medical attention instead of posting about your problem on a messageboard, or at least go to a website more reputable than offtopic. Otherwise, quit looking down all the time and realize life just isn't as bad as you'd like to pretend it is.
     
  5. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

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    Usually if you're miserable to begin with, a relationship should be the last thing you should be entering.

    You need to find the root of your problems, im sure theres reasons, sort em out, then move on. It's not the opposite.
     
  6. Original

    Original OT Supporter

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    What do you feel depressed about.. what makes you think this way? Do you feel lonely, dejected, or do you just think life doesn't bring much to you?

    Is the relationship going well, does she make you happy? If she doesn't make you happy, end the relationship; you're better off without it.

    What would make you happy?

    [I apologize for all the interrogation :hsugh: ]
     
  7. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Because you subconsciously think that a relationship would solve all of your problems. When it doesn't, you feel more confused which leads to feeling more depressed. Find happiness within yourself and then you can be happy. You can't find it in external sources
     
  8. This isn't appropriate for the Asylum. Depression is a serious illness.
     
  9. emunf

    emunf three thousand years of beautiful tradition.

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    ya stfu thx
     
  10. Nismotic

    Nismotic Swat came into my house...disrespected my family..

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    She may care about you, but it doesn't mean you're happy with her. Time to re-evaluate the situation.
     
  11. I'm usually never happy in a relationship. A lot of that has to do with my own feelings and where I've been. I feel inadequate as a human being. I have no financial resources, I have very little life as I'm just beginning to live. The only thingI feel comfortable doing is hitting it, and quitting it - and even that bothers me after awhile because then people "start to care."

    In the end, I can relate. Being cared about, but still being discontent are things that I'm going through.
     
  12. Dr. Dangler

    Dr. Dangler Guest

    You took the works right out of my mouth...almost. Except now I'm the one who's beginning to care a little too much and it's making me act foolishly. Sometimes I really think that the most peaceful way is solo.
     
  13. I think it's very hard work being in a relationship. You have to be at a place in your life where you're stable emotionally minimally. Being stable financially is a big plus, but it's not as important as the first. You have to be able to say without a doubt that you love yourself, and that's the only measure of your capacity to allow that love to pour over onto those around you, or a lover.

    It takes hard work, patience, self control. I don't want to give advice where it's not wanted here, but perhaps self-control is the key. You can't change how you feel, but you can choose to change how you express it and what you say. Restraint is important in relationships that are young, for people do not want to be overwhelmed or consumed I would think by the onslaught of needs of another person, especially someone like you or I who feels we're simply not enough at this point.

    We'll get there though. I know I will, because I'm getting closer each day. I'm not perfect and I never will be, but someone will love me for who I am, and they'll forgive me for where I am when we meet.
     
  14. l S3RG10 l

    l S3RG10 l New Member

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    If you can't make yourself happy, then why would anyone else make you feel happy?

    Learn to love yourself and you will find it easier to be with someone else.
     
  15. johan

    johan Active Member

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    How do you know that? I mean, how do you KNOW that?

    I was just discussing this point recently with a friend.
    Of course we counsel this, and even believe it, to a degree. Well you have to. Hope is important. Hope is the solvent for grief and despair.

    But to what extent is this merely an act of faith? To what extent do you hold out, KNOWING (supposedly) that the One will show up? I've yet to see the One, only more suitable and less suitable, more compromise and less compromise.

    An endless sea of faces, each a mask, each fronting a different set of reassurances and insecurities, troubles and bliss. How then to know the One?
     
  16. Well, I don't really think there is "just one." I think the psychology of romance and compatibility is far less complex than many of the theories people create. I think we attract people into our lives based on our state of being emotionally, mentally, and our current level of needs, expectations, past experiences, hopes, and so forth. Alcoholics often enter relationships with co-dependants. Women who were often physically mistreated by their fathers as children often find comfort in the arms of a batterer. Why? It is their state of "being" and the way they have come to exist and what they know and expect deep inside. Sure there is complexity involved with the details of how someone arrives at any one place, but patterns do emerge to a point we can grasp the concept for this example.

    If we change our expectations, and if we "become" changed - through our experiences and the things we encounter, if we're fortunate enough to believe we can arrive where we will be happy, than we often do. Believing one can be or do something is of the utmost importance in actually getting there! If there is doubt, but one knows he can be happy, there will be tension and resistance on the road to that happiness for the doubt inside will supercede the knowing and thus cause reactions and poor judgment to manifest.

    Knowing is the act of processing information which is real, while believing requires us to know before it "is real" that eventually we'll come to a place where we know and do experience the act of that reality.

    I have faith right now in my ability to surrender myself, and my ways so that I can be receptive to better ways of living my life which will thus allow me to meet a wonderful woman. If I don't put down the gun [metaphorically speaking] I have aimed at my head, then how can I extend that same hand to hold anothers?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 3, 2005
  17. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    The route towards happyness lies in loving and helping other people. You are living a miserable live due to external factors that come down to that you are doing miserable things in your life. To overcome such external depression factors, you need to start doing things that make you happy. For instance if you love to go out to some place, you go and do that. Then next week you repeat that, Then maby you like Fix your car, and then you maby like to watch a certain show on t.v, then next week you repeat that. And if you fill in your week doing only things that you really like to do, you will only do things that make you happy and thus you become a happy person.
     
  18. thanks for the replies guys

    it all comes down to self esteem to me, I have some physical things about myself that I'm trying to change, and until I do that I'm going to be down on myself.

    But the past few weeks have been really good for me, and I think I've really been able to find some happiness with this girl :hs:
     
  19. Dreammachine

    Dreammachine The face is everything

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    try not and make this women your means for happiness becuase nothing is forever have the confidence in your self to let it go when it's not working and embrace it when it does.. :)
     

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