SRS Why do women do this? Help pls....

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by poyol, Apr 4, 2005.

  1. poyol

    poyol Poyol means Dumbass

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    Sigh, I've been losing alot of sleep plus not to mention that I've been eating a whole lot less because of the shit that's been going on for the past 1 month.

    My gf of 3 years suddenly decides that she wants a breakup, I reason with her only to find evidence of her cheating on me. Up to now, I have nothing but suspicion of her cheating, the uncertainty of what she could have done or did not is eating me away.

    Our relationship at this point is confusing me, on her side I'm pretty sure she thinks that she's single, but on my side.. I'm still very much emotionally attached to her, hence some of the stuff that she's been doing lately is getting on my nerves. I'm really losing it here, I'm feeling so hurt and yet I'm full of anger at the same time.

    I don't know why she's doing this, I have been nothing buy loyal and caring to her throughout our entire relationship, I don't understand what went wrong. All this uncertainty and questions running through my mind every second is seriously affecting me big time, no sleep, no food, loss of weight and motivation to do anything.

    I really need to get my life back on track, but where do I start?
    I know going out and not thinking about her will help, but I just can't stop thinking.......

    :wtc:
     
  2. dinger

    dinger Guest

    Sorry to hear about that. But what you're going through would be expected in your situation.

    Sitting around dwelling on it won't help. Give yourself some time, find other outlets to consume your time. Join some clubs, do some volunteer work somewhere, take on a job, and try to avoid sitting at home idle.
     
  3. poyol

    poyol Poyol means Dumbass

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    It's really tough, even if I find some activities to fill my time now, I really have no idea what to do if (and that's a BIG IF) she decides to get back together with me again.

    On my part right now, we're still together and not apart, but I have to force myself into thinking that we're apart.

    So, if the day does come when she says that we should get back together, I'll be thinking of what shit she has done during our time apart. She might think that whatever she did was ok because we were apart, but on my side... it will be no different from cheating. I hope you guys know what I mean.
     
  4. Zimmy76

    Zimmy76 I like my beer like I like my violence, domestic

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    you might want to move this to the vag or asylum
     
  5. poyol

    poyol Poyol means Dumbass

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    How do I move the thread....
     
  6. dinger

    dinger Guest

    You should accept that your relationship with her is over and move on. Don't let her get back together with you.
     
  7. poyol

    poyol Poyol means Dumbass

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    But I'm constantly thinking to myself... how can this be over? What was the reason?

    I can't accept being FORCED to let go, because I truly care for her. Plus the fact that there is no good reason for the relationship to hit the fan
     
  8. ThinkTANK

    ThinkTANK New Member

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    Know that women get bored easily... and the key is to keep them happy!

    You might wonder to yourself over and over... what did i do? I treated her great! I did this and that for her...but in the end, its the fact that they want to experience something new, something different and maybe something invigorating.

    Maybe its something you didn't do..


    I know its hard to forget the person who've youve spent the last 3 years with in an intimate relationship, but youve got to move on.
    go find something or someone to keep yourself busy with.
     
  9. KatWoman

    KatWoman •••••••••••

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    I think this can apply to both men and women :o

    There can be 101 reasons why she did what she did, maybe it wasn't even anything you did/didn't do. Some people out there can't settle down and feel the need to sow their wild oats. Others can't stay committed, perhaps an underlying issues within their own personal lives etc.

    Regardless, be glad you found out who she really is now, and not after marriage :hs:
     
  10. assclown

    assclown Active Member

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    Let me sum that up by saying most women are ungrateful [edit (seemed harsh :o)]

    Same thing happened to me man, I won't get into detail and I don't have much good advice other than to go out, do things you enjoy, and try to get your mind off of her. Once you do that, or once you're talking to another girl she will escape your mind.
     
  11. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    You're right; you need to get "YOUR" life back on track; and realise that that relationship is over, its time to concentrate on yourself; and find love for and in yourself... Be your own best friend and lover, find your hobbies and interests, be FREE; this has happened for a reason; hopefully you will find the reason and learn the lesson...

    You now have an incredible opportunity for freedom my friend use it wisely, be free, be happy enjoy the outdoors; and I garauntee it will all work out for the best :)

    It is because you have lost faith in yourself and in the world that this has happened; you have become "attached", when you attach yourself to something, niether you nor that something is free; and the point of life is to experience freedom to the grandest greatest extent you can, to be all that you want and can be.

    Go out with your friends, do not think about her, or talk to her; its over, the faster you come to terms , stop denying it and move on; the better.

    You are now DA MAN, so be thus and go out chill; find hobbies, see other women, learn the joys of life again. You must be FREE, your happiness must NOT rely on someone, or some think. YOU MUST BE Happyness. Acheive it friend :)


    P.S: Do not, I repeat DO NOT; waste your time trying to analyse what happened, or why; you have emotional and clouded vision right now; you are not in the position to figure this out; it will come to you with time, and wisdom.

    For now, be free and take ACTION into your life; "activities" physical activities are good.

    Good luck bud :)
    Most have been there time and time again ;)
     
  12. Mel

    Mel RIP James :(

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    *sigh*

    1) Not all women do this, and 2) Many men do the same thing. Why? There are various reasons why. For whatever reason, she wasn't happy with you, which may or may not be your fault. You'll probably never figure out the reason why, and if it was your fault, she probably would have told you the reasons why. As it is, do what you can to move on. I don't know what will help you, but busying myself with other things, work, school, play, etc helps me forget about things.

    Good luck.
     
  13. *Ambiorix*

    *Ambiorix* New Member

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    I would use your anger and frustration and wield it into a fiery storm of bodybuilding. Instead of sitting there all misreable, which is expected, you could decide to get jacked and make a whole new you. Let her leave man, if she doesnt want you she is not worthy.

    Now, your big game plan is to re-make yourself. Throw some old shit out, get a different haircut, new shoes/clothes and a bad ass workout regimen. Getting pumped will make you feel great about yourself and in a few months to a year when you noticed that you are jacked youll realize you're happier being a single motivated, ripped guy versus a backstabbed stuck-in-a-bad relationship sad guy.

    You will meet someone better along the way. Trust me.

    Just an idea. :hs:
     
  14. poyol

    poyol Poyol means Dumbass

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    Sigh.. thanks alot you guys, for all the advice and moral support.

    I guess it's just really hard for me because this is the 2nd 3-year long relationship which has gone down the shitters for me....


    EDIT: there is this possibility that I could get to sex her up, should I leave her after that?
     
  15. p00tan6

    p00tan6 New Member

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    I know how you feel man. I just lost a girl of 4 years. It's tough as fcuk. Didnt sleep for more than 3 hours and only been eating once for the past week. Its hard to stop thinking but you just gotta consider it as a sunken cost. No matter what you do she aint comming back and she's not worthy. Go out and have fun and dont look back. It's hard but its what you got to do.
     
  16. Minh Lam

    Minh Lam Active Member

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    some guys and girls are heartless. But you gotta be strong. get out and move on. You know the problem is underneath you ahve accepted her and you are over but the fact of not having the person you loved be there anymore is tearing you up. what you must realise now is that you are single and free and you will meet a nice caring girl who will true to you and loving towards you. Good luck my friend.
     
  17. RyeBread

    RyeBread If you tell the truth you don't have to remember a

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    there really doesn't need to be a reason as to "why" it happened. it did. even if you could possibley understand it, it's not really anything you did, or had control over, so any level of understanding really isn't going to totally help you avoid it again.

    it happens. perhaps yes she cheated on you. perhaps not.

    my bottom line question to you, and it's a harsh one that I too have not wanted to face in the past when I've been betrayed, and/or dumped:

    Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?


    If you love her and honestly want her happy, then let her go. And by let her go, I mean let her go. All thoughts, or fantasies of getting back together need to be banished at the same time as well.

    There is quite a bit of other good advice above as well. Think of this as an opportunity. Freedom to find ways to make yourself happy, instead of concentrating on devoting your energies to someone who didn't appreciate it, or perhaps even deserve it. :hs:
     
  18. saints17

    saints17 Guest

    Bottom line is that it'll take time. Maybe it's over. Maybe it's not. Nobody knows. Not ever her.

    I was in a four-year relationship. We were always together, and she was seemingly very happy with me.. never told me different. Matter of fact, just a few hours before she broke up with me she was telling me how much she loved being in my arms, and how lucky she felt to have me in her life. Then a few hours later she broke up with me.

    I don't think I'll ever understand why. It's nearly 6 months later, and I guarantee that I'm not even close to being over her. I still love her very much.. with all my being.. but I've learned to deal with it better. I've come to the conclusion, that I'll be fine without her. If she wants to work on things, I'll be fine with that too. It's hard to realize that, but at some point you do.

    Sure you'll get continue to get down. Hell, I had a tough cry last night (6 months later)--yet tonight me and my best friend went out to a restuarant to watch the basketball game, and had an excellent time.

    Surround yourself with people that you love and trust. Me personally? That's my best friend. Figure out what you want. It'll help.. I'm content with the feeling that if I don't end up back with my ex-g/f, that I'll just remain single... nothing wrong with that at all. You just have to accept what you want.

    Good luck man.. it's a tough road.. was the toughest time that I ever dealt with, immediately after.. but it'll get better. You can still care for the girl, and enjoy your life without her... it's very possible.
     
  19. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    You want to know why because you feel that it's a flaw on your part or a flaw in your role in the relationship, but sometimes people just grow out of relationships like they grow apart from the cars they once loved, their houses, and other friends. It just happens. There's absolutely nothing you could've done to change her decision, only postpone it. 3 years? You got off luckier than I did.
     
  20. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    Keep busy.
    Meditate.
    Learn to erase people from your life...it gets easier to do after a while.
    Find someone else.
    Be happy.
     
  21. :smile:

    :smile: New Member

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    find yourself a nice girl, it might be hard for a while but you'll let the situation go & start to feel better about things...get out, have a good time & do what feels right f*** you ex, you dont need her
     

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