Why do two particular people stay together?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by demosnat, Nov 15, 2007.

  1. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2006
    Messages:
    4,994
    Likes Received:
    0
    For the sake of curiosity, after the initial infatuation wears off, why do two people stay with each other, as opposed to people they were with in the past, or other options they may have?
    Common interests and value systems?
    Comfort?
    Because nothing has come along and ended it yet?
     
  2. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    23,006
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manhattan
    I would wager the latter two.

    The only reason relationships are "hard" is because they aren't natural.

    Some people are happy (no arguments, etc.) in traditional bf-gf or husband-wife relationships, since they happen to be aligning with their natural inclinations.

    IMO, there is usually a better choice than coasting off of what was once there until you've drained your happy memories dry.
     
  3. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2006
    Messages:
    4,994
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm sort of starting to realize how never seeing a good marriage as a child effected how I view relationships, I am in one now that I would like to work out, and feeling that way terrifies me. I'd like to know some of them work out I guess, and why they do.
     
  4. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2004
    Messages:
    4,608
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Melbourne
    Unless it is the absolutely perfect relationship it is going to take work and lots of it.

    To the original question about why people stay in relationships, I'd say in the best sense it is because they really care about the person and just love spending time with them. There are many other reasons of course, because they have nothing else on offer, because the sex is good, because they are scared of being alone so cling to what they have etc etc.

    Sure the initial attraction of wanting to jump each other every time you see each other wears off, but for a real relationship there is a deeper bond than just attraction.
     
  5. NCS

    NCS Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2002
    Messages:
    5,777
    Likes Received:
    0
    all of the above? actually i think you have it nailed with comfort + nothing better came along.

    especially the comfort part. after a few years your brain releases some chemical, i forget what it is, which plays a huge role in comfort. its the same that happens around family and childhood friends.
     
  6. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2004
    Messages:
    50,618
    Likes Received:
    179
    Location:
    Dingoland
    My relationship isn't hard at all. It is very easy. We are held together because we are friends, we respect each other as humans, we want to see where the other's life goes, we have very similar morals and values and we find each other damn sexy :big grin:
     
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2007
  7. kiri

    kiri New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2006
    Messages:
    25,186
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Miami, FL
    love + compatibility :dunno:
     
  8. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2007
    Messages:
    5,712
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Providence, RI
    You know, I was laying down last night wondering this same question.

    I was with Amanda, my ex-fiancee for a while. After the initial "puppy-love" and flirting ended a year into the relationship, we kind of grew up a little. As I started noticing and realizing her actions weren't all that positive, I decided I had to put my heart aside. Three years of my life, just done.

    My girl after that, Sammy, lasted all but 6 months. I think I got "sick" of her, as sad as that may sound. Repitition, ignorance, and an annoying laugh.. I just couldn't take it. She got under my skin.

    B.. My baby.. Loved that girl to death (and still do:(). I was so compatible with her.. we had everything in common.. The whole time together we never argued.. Talked things over.. She, at least I thought, would be the one I'd end up with forever. I honestly have no idea what made her think I wasn't good enough :(.

    Cristina is the one thats been around since 1st grade.. She just came back around about 3 weeks ago now.. I think it's destiny / faith.


    I guess it really trickles down to what is it, in the back of your head, telling you don't let this one go. There is obviously something. To say it's "love" would be ignoring many of the obvious reasons as to why its not.
     
  9. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2006
    Messages:
    4,945
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Frozen Bowels of HELL
    Miss Kitty is right...

    It is the love & respect as a person thing. There is also that mysterious "never want to let go" thing.

    When I met the hubby, I thought... When we are old, and the kids are gone; We are too old or sick for sex, is this someone I'll still want to spend time with?
     
  10. KuntryFresh

    KuntryFresh Midwest

    Joined:
    Dec 21, 2004
    Messages:
    41,508
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Land of cheese
  11. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2007
    Messages:
    12,589
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    THE Hawkeye Nation
    convenience its a lot easier to have sex with the same person each night than look for someone new each night
     
  12. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    Lust blossoms into love.

    Or, the initial attraction chemicals have faded but have been replaced by other chemicals that cause long term bonding (I forgot their names, sorry).
     
  13. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
  14. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    Falconer ftw.
     
  15. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2000
    Messages:
    18,745
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Toronto
    I don't exactly understand what you're asking, isn't it self explanatory why people might stay together? As mentioned above, common interests/goals/love/chemistry/bond ugh?? Infatuation might either wear off and then complaisance sets in, OR infatuation may turn into something deeper more profound.
     
  16. Jaff

    Jaff New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2007
    Messages:
    45
    Likes Received:
    0
    kids are definately a factor, I like having my boy live with me and his mom

    $$ - one of the reasons I moved in with the girl is to split on rent... now we own a house together and she makes me breakfast.

    We appreciate the things we do for each other. Feeling appreciated and valued helps keep me around.

    I think there might be some male/female differences
     
  17. eskarinna

    eskarinna New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2006
    Messages:
    1,114
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Dallas
    from my personal experience i had 3 verry different ways of thinking and cases in the past

    case 1 first boyfriend - when i realized i didn't want to be with him anymore because he is controling, jelous, crazy, delusional, paranoid psychopat I tried to break up with him in the corse of 3 years and never could ( we lived together at my apt). The failed attempts included hitting me, him chasing me with his car wile i was running (throught grass and sidewalks), life treats etc. There was no police to turn around (things are different where i am from they would laugh at that and tell me to go crow in the kitchen and learn my place)
    clifs : Fear

    case 2: Ex Husband - i stayed with him through over a year of him cheating on me. We were together for 4+ years i was his first sexual experience. He decided that he wants to try other pussy about 6 months into our marriege.
    I stayed because i was expected to. My mom was always saying to me that i need to make it work, a real woman can control her man so he stays at home and doesn't cheat, if you satisfy him he wouldn't have to cheat.
    well that wasn't so because we had sex everyday sometimes 2 times a day and he still did it. I never said no to anything, all the way oral (with dt), anal, toys, boundages, outside, 4somes, other women etc etc. Never was enough at the end i gave up and walked away.
    clifs: i stayed because i blamed myself and tought i can make it work. I tought i was supposed to stay and make it work.

    case 3: he didn't spend any quality time with me even though we lived together. There were people over 24/7 sometimes not living for days, all he cared was weed and computer games andgames, weed and friends came always before our relationship, responsibilities and work for that matter. I had to ask and demand sex. Had to beg him to give him bj's and sometimes could only do it wile he is playing a game on his comp. I stayed because i tought he will grow up and realize how stupid that behaviour is. I tought also that i was lucky because he was a good boy, never hit me or doesn't cheat. I always told my self at least he is not some violent alcoholic pedofile. I left when i realized i was sinking in and turning into him ( games, drugs, depression, no self control, no dreams, no hopes, no happiness)
    cliffs: Hope for better times, Always thinking things could be much worse.

    Over all i am afraid of being alone because i was raised to be a wife and that was imprinted in my brain since the age of 5. I was raised to believe that a woman is only a real woman when she has a man by her side and that her auctions, care, love and ability to please him are what define her existance. Without a man i feel like failure no matter how much success i have in my career field or anything else.

    I don't expect other girls to be raised that way but i have met enough independant strong women who at one point or another have been abused or been stuck in dead end relationship with no way out. Once you have that fear in you you kind of start accepting bad relationships for good just because you don't feel the fear in this one or just because you have the sence of security.
     
  18. Drilldo

    Drilldo Active Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2007
    Messages:
    24,733
    Likes Received:
    0
    Comfort, ease, familiarity and convenience :dunno:
     
  19. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2006
    Messages:
    4,994
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ugh, i wish i could have got here before you found out, yeah, its ocitocin (sp)
     
  20. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    23,006
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manhattan
    Some people last. Don't know what factors in. Hopefully not work ethic
     
  21. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

    Joined:
    May 29, 2000
    Messages:
    49,189
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    San Diego, CA
    did you grow up with an abusive family?
     
  22. eskarinna

    eskarinna New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2006
    Messages:
    1,114
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Dallas

    not exactly.

    My parents had some fights (small things usualy just yelling), then one day my father left and divorced my mom over a solitare game (for 2 ) that went wrong during their morning coffee.

    My mom was old fashion mom that is not afraid to do some butt kicking whenever it was deserved, dad hit me once in my entire life.

    Half of my family is an old counts family. I grew up learning how to walk ( big book on my head, tied sholders for good posture), talk ( no cursing allowed as well as no common street language words), cook ( since i was 5 i had to stand around mom or my grandma and learn how to cook for my future husband), sew (did my first dress at age 15), dance (ballroom dancing from 5-14y/o) and many other stuff like that you get the idea.

    I know the whole Loveline view on the failure of a relationship is that the girl must have been from abusive family or the very least sexualy assaulted at one point of time, but i kind of dissagree with that. Sure it can be a reason but is not always the case and is not the only reason. Plus every kid even those that have perfect childhood at one point or another will feel abused or mistreated even if there is no valid reason as to why they felt that way.
     
  23. Jaff

    Jaff New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2007
    Messages:
    45
    Likes Received:
    0
    This struck a major chord with me. You are very right. It's happened to me before.
     
  24. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2005
    Messages:
    7,867
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NJ
    Because life together is better than life apart.
     
  25. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    I remember listening to that show back in the day :bigthumb:
     

Share This Page