Why do some people hold back their feelings?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by JordanClarkson, Dec 20, 2008.

  1. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    We were about to talk about this in a thread that the TS deleted...I've noticed that some people when they are into someone will tend to hold back their feelings or expectations. For example, my friend specifically was telling me about how much he liked talking to this secretary of ours, how they think alike and how there had never been a girl he could talk to like this, etc.

    One day the plan was for us to all going out to a movie together. I'm not one to like being the third wheel, so I said I'd only go if she could bring a friend along. He refused to go on a one on one date with her even as friends. And he seemed against me hanging out alone with her too when he had to stay late at work the day of the movie. Basically if I was going then he was going to go home early and go with us, but he wouldn't go alone with her if I didn't want to come. His reasoning was that he didn't want to make it seem like he wanted a relationship with her, which confused me because why would he talk up a girl so much about how great her personality is and such, only to disqualify her as a potential girlfriend for no reason at all? She even had a kid and he loves kids, and he was GREAT with her kid.

    Well when I told this girl after she had basically gotten stood up by him, that she should keep an open mind, he found out and got pissed at me. He said he wanted her to think that this was just casual. But if I thought that about a girl, I'd only talk about her looks, not about her personality and how I could see myself marrying her, etc. It seemed inconsistent to me.

    We all finally did go out. I got trashed by the end of the night, and the girl asked if I wanted to come up to her apt to rest for a bit. My friend did not want to go up for fear of sleeping with her on the first date. But I told him that if he wanted it to appear casual, then wouldn't sex on the first date make more sense? He ended up making fun of me for going to OT meats (aka meeting my computer friends) and I said "fine, you know I think I do need to go up to the apt and rest ;) "

    While we're there the girl is desperately trying to get him into her room but he's trying to get me to go home. I REALLY wanted to just take a nap. I don't know if she would have been cool with me staying the night but that would have been ideal. Never had I felt so comfortable sleeping on a couch before. However, he kept persisting and I finally agreed to let him drive me home.

    I think a week later they finally did hook up and all was swell. A relationship was brewing. Myself and her other friend that I was talking to on myspace about their budding romance were happy. But he ended up fucking that up by quitting work. She then tried flirting with me instead but I was a good bro. See I just think that this would have worked out smoother had he gone the relationship route instead of the casual fuck buddy route because a relationship was what he actually wanted, or at least what he told me he wanted. I can't figure that out...maybe he thought I was into her and so was trying to dissuade me from going after her myself? But the first day she was there I had already told our inner circle that she wasn't my type (I kinda had first dibs) and that he should go for her (I wanted to give him a reason to stay at work)

    And now I wonder, was it because he was insecure about getting into a relationship, as in he didn't feel he'd make a good boyfriend, didn't want to get nagged on, or whatever. Or is that just the way he works...that REALLY liking a girl for who she is STILL means he just wants to sleep with her and not persue a relationship? Despite the fact that he's more of a relationship guy? I don't know.
     
    Last edited: Dec 20, 2008
  2. XERQ

    XERQ Guest

    When we like people, we tend to become very self-conscious. He doesn't want her to know he likes her for fear of rejection. Seem about right?
     
  3. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

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    I concur with hop
     
  4. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    It was obvious to me that he had it in the bag though. She was perusing him VERY aggressively.
     
  5. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    my post submitted prematurely so i finished it :o
     
  6. XERQ

    XERQ Guest

    Yeah, funny how that works...
     
  7. Bob Brown

    Bob Brown bewshit, bewshit, bewshit

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    It's like he was too afraid to actually follow through with his ideal situation with her.
    Scared of possible failure in the future.

    What a dolt! Seemed like the perfect situation for him too.
     
  8. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Later on he said that if she was hotter he wouldn't have quit his job. I thought she was alright looking. I mean she's better looking than he is.
     
  9. Bob Brown

    Bob Brown bewshit, bewshit, bewshit

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    he's just making up excuses to justify it in his own head.
    To him, in the beginning, she was the unattainable, but once he actually got with her, the game/prize was gone and thus so is his desire to keep chasing her.

    IMHO
     
  10. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    the funny thing is that he quit because the boss told us that we were talking to her too much on our breaks. :mamoru:

    i had hated that job for a long time and tried setting them up so that he'd get settled in and then after that i'd feel that i could leave (since I brought him on to begin with)
     
  11. Bob Brown

    Bob Brown bewshit, bewshit, bewshit

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    that is possibly the second worst reason to quit your job.

    I've been told my a previous boss not to stop talking so much to our secretary, but that didn't mean i was gonna quit because someone notices it :ugh2:
     
  12. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    :werd: all over a girl that he said he just wanted to fuck anyway :mamoru:
     

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