Discussion in 'On Topic' started by mel my finger, Jul 31, 2005.
based on your experiences, why do relationships fail?
Lack of communication or lack of trust from one side or the other.
3. Lack of Maintenance
4. Outside Influence
6. The understanding that everybody loves differently.
8. Head issues
i'd be willing to go with these...
Relationships fail when one or both can't or refuses to meet the other's expectations.
wanting different things in life...
no. when one is unwilling to accept that nobody can possibly meet all of their expectations of another - especially if/when they aren't communicated.
One has to realize that in any relationship, there will always be expectations that are unmet. Be this in a work setting, friendship, or relationship.
when people are unwilling to accept that and unwilling to continue to work on compromise then it fails.
most people are too self centered to realize that they themselves are also not meeting the expectations of others around them too, so why should anyone else be different?
That's probably as good a list as any could come up with. I've given it out to others already.......
Sorry, I didn't word it the best way. What I really meant was the failure to compromise.
Yes, communication is necessary, but communication gets nowhere if you're still selfish afterwards. Fact is, most communication is geared towards pleasing yourself, making rationalizations, or convincing the other to see your point of view.
Relationships aren't perfect. When there is compromise without resentment, it shows that you care about the other person and the relationship.
my wife and I reached a breakthrough about a year ago. We both realize that we're on the same team, and that we both have strengths and weaknesses.
Her being upset for example that it may take a reminder of/from her about something that she considers a priority (no matter how hard I try to make her priorities mine, there are some that will always slip and vice versa)
as an example. I could care less (to a point) about how often the kitchen floor is mopped, or the carpet vacuumed. The kids have trashed both, and until they are a bit older and able to help with the chores, I refuse to see the floor coverings as important (within reason)
in a relationship, there are numerous things that each side knows are important. The problem is that any given point, those expectations, and priorities are evolving at the source, not to mention whether they get properly communicated to the other party. Toss in work, extended family, and/or evne a shitty commute as an example, and I guess it's safe to say that a LOT of time, life just gets in the way.
Aside from communication, it takes a concerted effort to maintain a happy and healthy relationship. These days, people don't even make a concerted effort to properly provide healthy nutrition to themselves, even exercise is supposed to be quick, and easy
any wonder so many people just toss their hands in the air and give up, and move on?
i honestly dont know.... i guess people can change and "drift apart" ?
oh yeah and fear of commitment
good list. communication for sure.
How do you go about being a good communicator? My ex communicated too much IMO. OTOH, I communicated too little in her opinion.
My wife did
Maybe she kept talking and talking and talking because she felt you never really listened?
Just a thought.
Because they're not supposed to last forever? Because you're supposed to learn and grow in each one, and only consider it a failure if you don't?
This "forever" view of romantic love you guys buy into is a joke. LEARN something in a relationship. Apply it next time. Repeat. DO NOT GET BITTER. Keep it up and some day you just might find a decent husband or wife. Otherwise, you won't.
Relationships don't have to last in order for it to make a significant impact on your life.
because women are cheating whores!!!
and who are they cheating with?
I'm sorry to hear that. Both my wife and I nearly did the same. Neither of us was wanting, or willing to become part time parents. Neither of us really wanted to be apart from each other either, but we both were getting so frustrated with life, and with each other that it was getting pretty bad.
Thankfully we recommitted to working on things, and working together instead of "keeping score".
peyomp is also correct though. even failed relationships can have a positive impact on you. Learn from it, and apply that knowledge going forward. And don't be bitter. Even if one was cheated on, and betrayed in other heinous fashion - be thankful that the moment of catharsis is over, and that one still isn't enduring it...
it can ALWAYS be worse than it currently is...
Taking one another for granted is a big issue with some couples.
Women refusing to do anal is a big one.
I would say in my past experiences is because I could not grow up and neither could the other person. We both wanted the same thing, but were willing to listen to each other, and always wanted to be the center of attention. Plus the whole baggage thing. It is kinda hard to talk to a person through an emotional wall.