SRS Why do people avoid the talk?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by verbal, Feb 26, 2009.

  1. verbal

    verbal Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2005
    Messages:
    22,502
    Likes Received:
    0
    If you're seeing someone and want to break it off, are you the person that avoids having that talk? You just break ties with them, avoid them, and turn cold with them?

    I just don't understand the point of that. If you don't want to see someone anymore, why not just have a short talk with them and be honest about what's going on?

    This just recently happened with me. I know the circumstances and I'm 90% sure I know why it has ended, but she never had a little talk with me. So because of that, I'm wondering exactly why it has ended. The fact that she hasn't talked to me about it makes me feel like I did something, but in reality I know I didn't. I tend to overthink things. But it's just aggravating-- have a five minute talk with me about what's going on in your head just to put my mind at ease. It isn't hard and I'm an adult-- I can handle anything you tell me.
     
  2. Sgt. Friday

    Sgt. Friday Guest

    I can't stand that. my last GF did that after we had a long discussion on how we both didn't like that and felt it was a great disrespect to the other person and the relationship. When I addressed that after she turned cold, avoided me she got worse and eventually took me nearly 2 months to get my stuff back from her. We dated for nearly a year, she was in her early 30's, previously married but you'd think she was 15 with the way she acted.

    thats the mature thing to do.

    Then count your blessings and leave it be. I know not havin answers will bother you but just be thankful its over (if she acts like this) and you derseve better.
     
  3. verbal

    verbal Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2005
    Messages:
    22,502
    Likes Received:
    0
    That's what bothers me the most-- what this girl and I had was unlike any other relationship we've been in before. There was this crazy intense passion between us and we talked about it many many times.

    I know why she's distancing herself from me but I just don't know why she can't talk to me about it for a couple minutes. I DO NOT have a big ego, but I'm pretty sure she's being this way because she knows if she talks to me we'll continue to have that passion that neither of us can resist. And I don't blame her one bit for doing what she feels she has to do, but just fucking be honest with me about it. I care about her and I will leave her alone since that's what she wants me to do, but just be an adult about it.
     
  4. Sgt. Friday

    Sgt. Friday Guest

    a lot of people hide behind the "don't want to hurt that person" but in reality they don't have the balls to say anything and are scared.
     
  5. verbal

    verbal Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2005
    Messages:
    22,502
    Likes Received:
    0
    It hurts me MORE when someone goes distant and cold than it does to have a five minute conversation. :dunno:
     
  6. Sgt. Friday

    Sgt. Friday Guest

    which is why its not for that reason, its because they are too scared.
     
  7. ldaggerl

    ldaggerl New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2009
    Messages:
    924
    Likes Received:
    0
    I had my most recent ex do this kind of shit to me. First around are 1 year mark she got that whole "I'm confused, I don't know what to do...blah blah blah" type shit. We worked through that. She wanted to be a few things to change so they did. Then she moved off to RI for a job externship and I supported her, i helped her move up their, helped with money and her being lonely, came up on the weekends when I could. Then she grew distant. Started to ignore my calls and texts (I owned the contract we were both on for a cell phone so I could check to see the texts going to and from cell phones). Then after a while she told me I didn't listen to her, well I grew tired and the whole thing grew old (my love for her never changed, there is always going to be a place in my heart for her). So I finally got her to talk to me, I told I was tired of the shit and we broke up. At that time I finally got her to admit what went wrong and she said from her own lips it was her fault and that she had changed into someone else (A pretty terrible person actually, fucking pot head who had no money and couldn't take care of herself).

    But you know what, I'm single now and proud. I enjoy being able to go out on dates with different girls. See what i like and what I don't. I like it. And when I find that person that really sparks with me then I'll pursue it.

    I understand that passion your talking about too. Its that magical X factor that you just can't explain. You and her just click, its just there and you work together. You really can finish the others sentence.
     
  8. verbal

    verbal Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2005
    Messages:
    22,502
    Likes Received:
    0
    Yeah. It's like you look in that person's eyes and there's that intense feeling you can feel. I've never had it as strong as I do with this girl. And she's told me the same and I believe her.

    There have been many times where we've hung out to have a serious talk but we never do because it uncontrollably progresses into other things. :hs: I miss it.
     
  9. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2001
    Messages:
    13,610
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    lovely orlando
    i wholeheartedly agree! :bowdown:

    i've been that girl before. i've gotten cold and distant when i wasn't interested in someone anymore. i, too, have done it because i didn't want to hurt someone's feelings.

    a month ago, i had started talking to this guy. well, after talking with him, i realized that he seemed more forward than i am. i love getting to meet people and get to know them, regardless if i have a romantic attachment to them. our conversations seemed to entail me asking questions about him and his job (engineer), whereas he seemed to always ask me questions sexual in nature (for example, "do i like to cuddle"). :ugh: :squint:

    now, i didn't have much invested in this guy, so i didn't feel like continuing to get to know him. he already turned me off. it was obvious that he didn't want to get to know me any more than just in the bedroom.

    i had debated on whether or not to be distant and cold or just be honest. he was very persistent, so i decided to be honest with him, and i explained to him why i didn't feel that he and i were a good match. he apologized, and asked for a second chance :rolleyes:. of course that didn't happen. i honestly can't tell you how empowering that conversation made me feel :bowdown:.
     
  10. Lazy D.

    Lazy D. Active Member

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2000
    Messages:
    29,769
    Likes Received:
    17
    Location:
    Canada
    My wife is doing it to me right now, avoiding me, ignoring my calls but when we see each other acts normal and like she still loves me.
     
  11. Lazy D.

    Lazy D. Active Member

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2000
    Messages:
    29,769
    Likes Received:
    17
    Location:
    Canada
    That's exactly what's happening right now. I keep telling her, let me go, just tell me it's over if that's what you want, but noooo, she keeps pretending it's not.
     
  12. Daria

    Daria New Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2006
    Messages:
    5,529
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ottawa, Canada
    I think that if the person who avoids and turns cold instead of talking is:
    a) immature
    b) is weak/afraid

    Breaking it off with someone can be VERY difficult, especially if you still have feelings for that person. It's hard to hurt someone's feelings, but if you actually have a spine, you know that you have to have the human decency to let the person know what's going on.
     

Share This Page