Why do I get tired of every girlfriend I get?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Socrates, Apr 20, 2006.

  1. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    The same thing has happend with every girlfriend i've had since I was probably 15.

    At first, she'll seem like the greatest thing since sliced bread. I'll hate even being apart from the girl from a few hours.

    Then...after a while, I start becoming unhappy. I've yet to be with a girl I can have deep conversations with, and I think that might be part of the problem.

    When I finally DID have a very intelligent girl (who was smarter than me), she was super conceited and annoyed the living piss out of me.

    How do you relationship folk out there stay in long relationships? Have I just not found the right one, or is it just me? Am I being my own worst enemy here?
     
  2. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Because you don't know what you want, you either don't have any hobbies/interests yourself or you don't go for anyone who has any either...
     
  3. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    I have a lot of hobbies, but every girl I have been with likes talking on the phone more than anything else it seems.
     
  4. IWRXIT

    IWRXIT OT Supporter

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    because men are always looking for an upgrade?

    i know i do.
     
  5. Two toys

    Two toys New Member

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    I'm pretty much the same way, and I have a friend who is the exact opposite, he has had 2 really meaningful loving relationships. we always debate over who is the luckier one, he says me because i havent experienced the pain of losing someone you love. I say him because he has atleast felt that love and had it returned.

    I think my problem so far has been that the chase is more fun than the relationship.
     
  6. Muad

    Muad New Member

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    You just need to keep looking, you'll find a good one eventually.
     
  7. jab1983

    jab1983 40/40 crew failure with less than 1 week to go...D

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    I think you have to know yourself, As dumb as it sound I like a challenge so I like high maintenance girls. When they are all about me and supper clingy then I get tired of them.

    BTW If i put effort into a relationship so must she or i lose interest too.
     
  8. not your average

    not your average      ¯¯¯¯ ¯¯¯¯¯ ¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯ OT Supporter

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    welcome to life
     
  9. JustaMeThang

    JustaMeThang New Member

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    Maybe you have emotional issues, falling hard, then making up issues to avoid the future involvement. Some things are very deep rooted. Less then 2 weeks ago the thought of missing your GF while away from her made you doubt your ability to proceed with life. Something upstairs aint right if your emotions are sucha roller coaster. And I mean that nicely, to help. I think here, you are being your own worst enemy.
     
  10. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    the game you're good at only pulls useless skanks?
     
  11. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    First of all, I don't hook up with skanks. There is no challenge in that, and when I "hook up" with girls, I make sure it is something I wouldn't be ashamed about.

    Skanks, good girls, bad girls, whatever, are all attracted to a cocky, confident, funny man.

    My MAIN attraction to a girl, is her being funny. Not just any funny, but like a Family Guy sense of humor, and I have gone through a lot of girls looking for one like that.

    The game that i'm good at, can pull any type of girl.

    Relationships on the other hand, is a different story. I have NEVER been the relationship type of guy, but always simply dated around. Just because I give advice on picking up girls, getting them attracted to you, and every aspect leading up to a relationship, does not mean I know much about relationships.

    Relationships are a totally different story, and I don't have too much pride to not admit that i'm clueless in the relationship world. Many of the same principles (making her beg for attention by not giving her any, etc.) still apply in the relationship world.

    When I am dating a girl, and getting her to go nuts for me, then I am in control constantly, and I know exactly what to do. Love is a different story.

    Why am I good at what I do? Because I am not too proud to seek help when I don't know what to do.
     
  12. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    I went to the library today and was reading a book, and I think I found out one of my main problems. The passage in the book went something like this:

    "The way the human mind works, when two people first fall in love, the mind ignores all of the bad aspects of the person, and only sees the good stuff, the stuff that makes us feel good. Our mind thinks that since the other person makes us feel amazing, that he or she must be amazing. After that feeling goes away, we start to see the negative aspects, and realization sets in."

    That made a lot of sense to me, and I think it applies to me.
     
  13. Ded Guy Walkin

    Ded Guy Walkin New Member

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    It applies to almost everyone, and its reffered to as the "honemoon phase". The trick is to find a way to overlook or accomodate the other persons negative points (assuming they arent too extreme, like drug abuse or excessive emotional baggage), and remember their good points. A real relationship is a lot of work, effort, and time from both sides. The couples that make it look easy problably work harder at it than we know, just keep that in mind.
     
  14. MP525i

    MP525i New Member

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    just a few things you will have to change when in a relationship (which i think you already know).

    1. if you're in a meaningful relationship where both of you love each other, you do not ignore her or not give her any attention. that only leads to frustration and fights. *which is why talking and communication is key.

    2. sometimes you can't always be in control of a situation. you have to let her have control too 50/50. :)

    i'm sure this is all stuff you know.. but just wanted to confirm it. i read a lot of the posts you make and it seems they are very good for snagging your catch. but once you find that special someone, the rules change completely. i only think so, b/c if i tried to pull any of that stuff with my g/f i would be kicked to the curb... and vice versa.

    i hope this helped somewhat.
     
  15. itslackers

    itslackers New Member

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    quality over quantity
     
  16. NCS

    NCS Active Member

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    socrates,

    i actually am very good at relationships but wasn't good at the 'game'. the main reason why is because i'm relatively balanced as a person and once i was in a relationship i took freedom and i'm myself.

    why you're getting bored is because a long term relationship is NOT the sum of "dates" (or whatever you want to call them, i know its a taboo word, but you get my point).

    in a long term relationship you need to have

    1) Optional: common interests. This is so you can have a partner to do stuff you'd normally do with. this is VERY rare especially when guys have hobbies like: football, racing cars*, and kickboxing. this is common in guys with hobbies like: surfing, acting, poetry.

    *shit if i could find a hot, funny girl that i could work on an engine with, take to the track, and have wild monkey sex afterwards i'd marry her.

    2) Necessary: live real life together. by this i do not necessarily mean move in together, but be "partners" in simple things. have her cook for you. have you cook for her. run errands together. basically, take her along for the ride of daily type shit you need to do and vice-versa (yes, all while keeping the control you talk of). have her chill at your place and be comfortable doing your own thing (and possibly vice versa). you should "want" to just have her around when doing this stuff for company. if you don't, yes, you need to move on.

    the bottom line is there needs to be common "activity" space. you should each have your own lives, go out with your own friends, but share parts of yours. this isnt too hard for us, though. we're men. try just inviting your gf into your territory and doing what you'd normally do and see how she fits in. the door isnt far away if she doesnt ;)

    you also need to define your lifestyle. maybe you don't really want relationships and you're just listening to social norms, catch my drift? ;) maybe you want something you don't have simply because you haven't had it, not because its what you really want.

    edit: here's a test to find out if its "just you". can you handle a having a funny, intelligent, as you describe it MALE friend whos at the same confidence level you are, or do you just clash and can't hang out?
     
  17. NCS

    NCS Active Member

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    oh, and if you want to not get bored go out with a total pscyho. it keeps you on your toes. its like extreme dating lol
     
  18. Rush

    Rush Butch > Tomash

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    Dude, i used to be the exact same way. Couldnt find someone i could stay intererested in. Well just about a month ago, i met someone...it was awkward because i was dating her sorority sister at the time, and she had told her not to date me 'cause i was a douche. Ironing. But what got us together was the fact that we could hold conversation...it's probably the most important part of what we have.
     
  19. matix112305

    matix112305 Resident Freebord Groupie

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    i was the exact same way (but with guys for me) when i was in high school... then i had my first meaningful relationship after high school and it lasted 2 years... and now i'm in a relationship with an amazing man... i learn soomething new abou thim everyday and that makes me fall even more in love with him...

    my guess is... you just havent met the right girl yet... you seem young so give it some time... you have years of relationships ahead of you! no worries.. you do seem like your ready for a commitment... which chicks dig!
     
  20. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    My experience has been that you simply have not found the right one. Me, been with something like 40 women, married and divorced, all that jazz.

    The current SO (engaged now) has been 3+ years and it's just SCARY how cool it is. Something new always comes up. We are always doing something that ... shit, I just can't explain it. Either she is the right one or she isn't. I never expected to meet a woman like this (I actually *hated* women when I met her, and I can't believe it...) but here I am.

    I'd say just keep your head up and DON'T marry anyone until you're 110% sure. :big grin:
     
  21. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    :werd: I couldn't agree more.

    Secondly, I think you have your guard up. You are so convinced you have to control anything and everything in your relationships that it leaves zero room for letting something build and finding a real lasting connection. You can't build on a one sided relationship. You can't build on insecurity. You never will.

    Also I disagree with this.

    Funny yes, confident, yes.... cocky no. There is a huge difference. I find cocky extremely unattractive. I've read plenty of your posts and by the way you portray how a female and releationships with them should be treated I can't say I'd ever seriously date any guy who treated me the way you suggest is, "right". If you are here asking this question then you need to realize what you are doing is obviously not working either.

    You aren't either
    1. Finding females you are clicking with or
    2. Your problem is you are a complete and total utter control freak. When you start losing control of your feelings you decide to build walls and duck out.

    Those are the only two options. Accept it or deny it. It's up to you but that's the reality of it.

    I'm not so sure you seem to know what it is you really want. Solid relationships aren't built on control, insecurity, and belittling someone. It's about giving as much and as often as taking. And there are plenty of self respecting females out there looking for that. There is a difference in teasing to be funny and doing it in a way to play head games with someone you "care about".
     
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2006
  22. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

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    :werd: I couldn't agree more.

    Secondly, I think you have your guard up. You are so convinced you have to control anything and everything in your relationships that it leaves zero room for letting something build and finding a connection. You can't build on a one sided relationship. You can't build on insecurity. You never will.

    Here is where I see your problem.

    You somewhere at some point of life had this embedded in your head and it's not even working for what you preach it to be truth for yet you continue to believe it. If you want to get a piece of ass... yeah I can see where many things you say could work with the girls that type of behavior targets. If you want a self respecting girl with a long term healthy relationship... you need to change your outlook.

    Funny yes, confident, yes.... cocky no. There is a huge difference. I've read plenty of your posts and by the way you portray how a female and relationships with them should be treated I can't say I'd ever date to seriously date any guy who treated me the way you suggest is, "right". If you are here asking this question after all this time... for all these years, then you need to realize what you are doing is obviously not working either.

    I see this:
    You aren't either
    1. Finding females you are clicking with or
    2. Your problem is you are a complete and total utter control freak. When you start losing control of your feelings you decide to build walls and duck out.

    Those are the only two options. Accept it or deny it. It's up to you but that's the reality of it.

    I'm not so sure you seem to know what it is you really want. Solid relationships aren't built on control, insecurity, and belittling someone. It's about giving as much and as often as taking. And there are plenty of self respecting females out there looking for that. There is a difference in teasing to be funny and doing it in a way to play head games with someone you "care about".
     
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2006
  23. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    My "game" as people call it has worked for me exactly how I wanted it to.

    I don't expect any girl who reads the stuff to think in their head "that would work!" No girl would think that, but through tons of experiences, time and time again, it works, and there are other guys who use the same style who can vouch for it.

    Being great at attracting women, or "picking them up" as some guys say, is totally different from a relationship. It's ignorant to assume that being good at one would make you good at the other.

    After all of the responses here, and other research, I am pretty sure I just simply haven't found the right one. Nothing I did wrong, other than just not finding the right one. I think I found a girl who likes too much drama, and loves fighting too much, and i'm just not into that.

    I see the problem, and if i'm smart, i'll fix it. Unfortunately i'll be leaving for Iraq very soon, so there isn't a whole lot of time to deal with it.
     
  24. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    All women like excitement and unpredictability. It just depends on how MUCH they need.

    Cocky and funny does work. Women don't like to hear it though, and partially because their DEFINITION of the word is different than ours.

    You know who is cocky and funny? Cary Grant in "An affair to remember." And at the same time he is a perfect gentleman. Perfect! He's awesome, just amazing, the first 20 minutes of the movie, on the boat, in her room ... :bowdown:

    #1 rule of dating: Never date a woman who is not clinically sane.
    #2 rule of dating: Date the MOST sane woman you can find.

    I seen plenty of PUA's (Pick Up Artists) who come running when they meet "the one" and cannot maintain the quality long term relationship. It's just like anything else - you may be good at "Part A" and know nothing about "Part B." Such is life.

    If a woman likes fighting, it means she is looking for a VERY "Alpha" male who will act like her father. He needs to control her, impose rules, and make her do things. If that's not who you are, then move on. Don't wait to deal with problems, either. If you have a problem, start dealing with it ASAP.
     
  25. DramaQueen

    DramaQueen New Member

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    My advice would be to get this book ---> by Don Muguel Ruiz - A practical Guide to the Art of Relationship, The Mastery of Love

    It is a great book...and the author is a very wise man...Don't just read it....but re-read it as many times as you think you need to, to really take in all that the book has to offer...

    It helped me a lot and I hope it helps you as well!!

    Good Luck...
     

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