SRS Why do I feel that everything is terribly wrong? I'm always scared...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by t-t-t-today, Nov 3, 2008.

  1. t-t-t-today

    t-t-t-today New Member

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    I've been keeping this bottled up for about 6 years now. I started smoking pot when I was 14 and I'm 20 now. When I first started smoking pot I really liked the high that it gave me. It was more because I just like to smoke with my friends and then we would laugh or whatever. As time went on and as we finished middle school and entered high school, I started getting SEVERE anxiety and life became very difficult. It was difficult to do good in school, socialize, and generally felt like I always had to hide from everyone. I have no clue what brought this change about me. I just got very self conscious, shy, and my face would blush very easily because I would always get embarrased really easily. Since I couldn't connect with more confident kids my age, I started to make friends with other kids that had behavioral problems and my group of friends became the kids that nobody else wanted to hang out with. I got involved with a bunch of bad people who only made me feel worse about myself. Now I realize the harm in this, but at the time I didn't know any better.

    After I became a nervous wreck, absolutely nothing could help me ease the pain except for alcohol. Smoking pot would make me VERY paranoid and it would turn my whole world upside down every time I smoked. It just made me think too much and I would analyze everthing in my life and I would always come to the conclusion that I am doing everything wrong and that something is terrible wrong with me and my life.

    Since I started getting all scared every time I smoked pot, I stopped smoking pot for good. But the problem now is that a lot of those thoughts that I got when I would get high have stuck with me and I still think about them a lot even though I don't smoke anymore. Almost everything I do makes me sad and I get this feeling that I'm totally "behind" in life. For example, I will just be sitting in my garage smoking a cigarette and listening to the radio. I will look around the garage and start thinking about how pathetic I am since I am hanging out all by myself in my dirty little garage. This has been going on for a few years and makes me want to cry every single time. I feel like I'm insane or something.

    What is wrong with me? What should I do? I don't have much money and have no medical insurance so please try to suggest some alternatives to expensive medical treatment.

    :o
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    What is wrong is that you lost your grip on reality which is caused by the brain alterations smoking pot gives, if we go back 6 years ago we see that pot is being used to connect to the outside world, but what it really did was the opposite, it made your world collapse and you've retreated into your inner world as a result of it. Because you aren't confident you've got extreme nervous when entering highschool and couldn't make friends as the result of your fears. So here is my advice:

    Do not let your actions speak of irrational and absurd fear, what is needed in life is not fear, nothing can grow from that. Cast off your fear! Look forward! Go forward! Never stand still. Retreat and you will age. Hesitate and you will die. Fear is a prison with open doors, the person inside of it is a prisoner because he's afraid of what lies beyond that door, even if its pain that awaits you behind that door, you have to realise the natural substance of life in its continuation sense , life goes on, this is why you always need to keep on making decisions even in the worst of times, even if they are the worst decisions, you have to move forward, of course you try to steer away from bad situations and try to make the best decisions, but you have to come to the realisation that you can't keep standing still with your life. You need to start learning how to communicate with other people.

    You know the whole thing with communicating to people is caring, the moment you stop caring what they think of you , is the moment you can start talking to them.

    My best advice is to just download winamp and listen to comedy central for 1 hour strictly a day, that way you will learn that talking to people can be a wonderfull experience, and not a torturing experience.
     
  3. t-t-t-today

    t-t-t-today New Member

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    Great answer, I really liked the way you explained it. I would like to mention that I have begun to make changes in my life and it definitely feels like I'm moving in the right direction. I've ditched that circle of bad people and am working on finding some supportive and positive people to be friends with. I also watch a lot of comedy central already so I know what you mean by that....it does help. Confidence is definitely a key factor here; if I had it, I would go out and meet people easily, but it is difficult to build confidence and consistently keep it since I've been up and down with my confidence over the last few years.

    Pot is a very interesting drug. Some people smoke it all the time and claim they love it, but some people claim the same negative things about it that I have stated.

    Are there any other ideas? I would like some more input from others as this is still kind of a big problem for me.
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Don't wait in life for a wake up call, make the most of it, because you might not get a second chance.

    If you are in a rut and stuck with your life, you need to give it a swing in a new and positive direction by carving a new path with your own power.

    Do not expect leperchauns to appear and solve your issues, do not wait, be the dictator of your own life and take the situation in your own hands.

    There are only three directions in life, down where death lies, stay where you are and go in circles, or up where an improved life lies ahead, the first 2 are worthless and lead to nowhere, this is important because it means you can set the course of your life, to the only direction that is valuable ,namely upwards towards into progress. It doesn't matter from there on wether you win or lose in life, you simply keep on following the positive course, that way you can ALWAYS be confident no matter what happens, because you know that going for gold in your life is the only right way to live.

    If change was just a thought, then anyone could do it. But reality is that you can't just sit around feeling miserable for yourself and the situation you are in while being punched in the face by the reality of life. Those thoughts of change, can't become real if you just sit around feeling sorry for yourself, if you want to change then why would you stay in a state of paralyzation? If that happens it means you do not want to change, you are simply waiting for the world and people to change around you as you see fit, therefore

    Without walking, there's no way to move forward, you'll just end up waiting.

    it really doesn't matter how fucking smart you are if you aren't willing to work you ass you're still going to be stuck in the same place.
     
  5. Mulsanne

    Mulsanne The Man = Funk Fusion Chaos

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    Awesome, you didn't even finish reading his post and just focussed on the pot. More nonsense :)
     

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