SRS Why do I feel like its okay that I have no friends?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by steve3p0, Nov 22, 2005.

  1. steve3p0

    steve3p0 New Member

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    Is this a bad thing? I'm not really "antisocial", or "socially anxious" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_anxiety). Its just that I don't care. I don't have any feeling or desire to have friends. I kind of feel like I've given up on the whole idea of having friends. When I started high school, I was new to the area(because of my father's job), and knew absolutely no one. I saw people who already knew each other, and felt like I didn't really fit in. I just moved to a new town for my senior year(because of my father's job), and I see that I'm in the exact same position. Most of the social interactions I've ever had have been awkward and very boring. I can't imagine talking with someone for more than maybe 10 minutes about something, but I see people talk on the phone for fucking hours, every day. How the hell do they do that? there can't be that much fucking stuff to talk about. I'd run out of stuff to say at 15 minutes, max. I guess I'm not a very entertaining person, but I keep getting the feeling that I'm surrounded by EXTREMELY shallow people. The things I do hear in their conversations are completely irrelevant. The kind of stuff that makes me think "why the hell would anyone care about that?"

    Rant, part 2:

    Why are people so nice? really, fuck them. I cannot stand people who ask me how my day is, like they really care. Why do they wear a superficial veil? Its like these people are constantly seeking approval. They are so phony I can't stand it. Its just that most people seem to not even notice it. Unless I am paying someone money, they have no reason at all to be nice to me. I know for a god damn fact that the person bagging my groceries would never utter the phrase "have a nice day" with a smile on their face outside of their workshift. The one thing that pisses me off more than phony people is when they expect me to be "nice" back to them.

    There are two things that keep coming to mind when I think about this. 1) The character "Holden" in the book, "Catcher in the Rye" and 2)The lady from the movie Office Space, who says "sounds like someone has a case of the mondays." These two things epitomize my feelings about the society I'm in right now(highschool)

    So is this a bad thing? Is it egotistical for me to have this kind of outlook on the world?
     
  2. steve3p0

    steve3p0 New Member

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    Rant part 3:

    something that just came to mind. We were watching a taped video on VH1 about tupac shakur, about how he is a modern day tragedy, in my english(shakespeare) class. One part of the video showed a security camera recording of a black man described as a "gang member" getting beaten up by tupac's "gang", right in the middle of a casino,

    I felt no remorse or pity for anyone in the movie clip, but my english teacher, a 30-something year old woman, literally burst into tears. She felt like someone should have done something about it. She talked about how she thought this is why our society is bad, because no one is there to give a helping hand. All I could think of is how weak minded my teacher was right then. The man getting beaten up was a gang member. He had it coming. What if he hadn't been a gang member? If I was at that casino, why would I put myself at risk for someone I don't even know?

    She teaches her class like she is actually making an impact on her students lives, like she is imposing "morals" upon us. I can't stand morals. I can't stand to see people who claim to abide by morals, and preach to others about how good they are, and then see those same god damn people be exposed to how truly disgusting and "like the rest of us" they really are.
     
  3. scaryice

    scaryice New Member

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    That's the answer to the thread title.

    With that kind of attitude, no wonder you can't imagine talking for 10 minutes with someone. Believe it or not, some people really are nice. But you obviously don't think it's ok not to have friends, or you wouldn't get so upset over a little thing like that. I don't think you're happy with that, and you're trying to justify it.

    Of course you think she's weak, because she cares about someone and you don't care about anybody.

    Here's what I think. A lot of people may not be "good," and I may hate them or not care about them specifically, but I know that society is what caused them to be that way. You still have free will, of course. What I mean is, the situation you're born into has a lot to do with how you turn out. For example, I believe that the reason I make certain decisions is because I was raised a certain way and in a certain environment, but I still make them of my own free will. Yet I know that the REASON I'm making them is because of my life experiences. It's like, if you're born into a poor, uneducated family, you are much more likely to end up that way yourself than the average person. The same person could be born into a different situation, and they would turn out completely different.
     
  4. Wolf

    Wolf No one plans to take the path that brings you lowe

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    :ugh2: You can't stand 'morals'? Even if they're your own?

    I have very strong morals. They're far removed from any established religious ones, but they're morals none the less.
     
  5. Astaroth

    Astaroth New Member

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    Well, yes and no. You see, the fact that you don't care that you're alone means that it's not at all bad for you to be relatively alone at this point in time - to me you seem antisocial, and that is a perfectly natural way to be if it's the way that suits you best. I think you'll find however, that this will be short term, and not long-term.

    Human beings, however cold and detatched, require comfort, companionship and the bonds of friendship eventually - to go without this, love or at least a lesser form of it, is to die. Eventually you will find that your disinterest in others will twist you, and make you bitter, and the only thing that will fix that is social interaction. I've been through similar, and all you appear to be doing is building a shell made of antipathy so that you don't need to be interested in the "mundane" doings of people who do socialise.

    People are nice because it's rather difficult to successfully interact socially otherwise, unless you're a particularly magnetic person or unless your means of making people feel like less is entertaining enough to make them want more. Sometimes people are nice to be fake, as you've stated, but sometimes they're genuinely nice. Positive emotions are usually the reason behind them, and just like people in a bad mood usually like to spread it around, people in a good mood like to spread it around just as much. If you look so scornfully on people who are nice to you, then how do you look upon those who are caring, concerned or passionate about things? It seems that you dislike these emotions, and I can only fathom that an intense dislike of them might have come out of not experiencing them for a long time.

    Just look about, and you'll eventually find people you can relate to. Be sure to keep tabs on yourself though, because it seems to me you're going down a path I'm all too familiar with, and the longer you stick to it and isolate yourself, the harder it is to re-enter reality when you feel like doing so. Just give it some time.

    Oh, and highschool is probably one of the worst environments to measure society by - it may seem like it's a preview of the world to come, but believe me when I say it's not. You have a whole wide world out there, and there will be people you relate to - hell, these forums I think you'll find are a good start, even if you're not interacting in real life.
     
  6. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    You know what you lack is 'compassion' this means that you cannot relate from a ' how would it feel if i was in that other persons shoes' side of view. Now not everyone is phoney but your right some companies demand their staf to smile, and say hello ,bye ,thank you etc. But some people are really sincere about what they mean, and you seem unable to distinguish or believe that what they say is true. Basically 'you don't give a fuck' Which is quite a wrong and rightfull attitude , wrong for those who are sincere to you, right for those who pound bs to you. And yes there's a lot of crap you get exposed to in life , and basically if you are unsatisfied with the whole having friends thing then i would advice do 'whatever works for you'.
     
  7. deloresdelrio

    deloresdelrio New Member

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    so Steve, you feel contempt for everyone? absolutely everyone?
     
  8. steve3p0

    steve3p0 New Member

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    its not contempt, its a lack of trust.

    Let me tell you another story. I attended a catholic school during middle school (it was a 7th - 12th grade school.) I'm not exactly sure why, as my family was never religious, but my parents somehow thought it was a good idea. So, I went along with it because I didn't know any better. I watched students in this school attend church every sunday, and they put on their best smiles and prayed harder than ever. I wondered how they did it, and I actually felt guilty that I didn't uphold their morals, that I wasn't as "good" as them.

    I ended up switching to a regular public high school after 8th grade. Cut to three years later. Half of the football team of the Catholic School I attended was suspended for smoking marijuana. This wasn't just one kid that fell out of the loop, this was fucking major. It wasn't that the other half didn't smoke marijuana either, its just that they didn't happen to get caught. These were the kids that preached about how god damn good they were, about how good of christians they were, and here they are caught with their damn pants down.

    This wasn't the only problem either. The whole damn school was corrupt. The administration was nearly 20,000 in debt, because so many families had stopped paying the tuition.

    All of this was just a big smack in the face to me. I was so amazed that I had actually trusted these people. I started seeing the same bullshit I saw here in just about ever other aspect of my life. People are so god damn phony.
     
  9. Wolf

    Wolf No one plans to take the path that brings you lowe

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    What does that have to do with morals? Clearly they're hypocrites, but why should their actions make you dislike morality?
     
  10. V!

    V! New Member

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    I'm gonna go ahead and say that switching high schools is never easy, prehaps that has something to do with it, It's never easy to make friends when you move into a new environment where circles have been made

    Wait till college, suddenly everyone will feel in the same situation you had when you went to a new school, and you'll find yourself making friends more often
     
  11. ledzep73

    ledzep73 New Member

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    Its a hell of alot easier to be in a good mood if you just pretend you are happy. I work a bullshit job and I get to asskiss all day long, but at the end of the day I still feel fine. Being nice and polite to people makes life much easier, and more carefree than letting yourself be in a bad mood all the time.

    Just for a few days, pretend you are one of the social kids, and that you are a nice person. Just play the role, and you might find out that you fit the part quite well.
     
  12. GRocks10

    GRocks10 New Member

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    The way I see it.. don't take life so damn seriously.... you nit pick everything you see away from the box instead of enjoying what is actually INSIDE THE BOX. Start to be more laid back and go with the flow.. don't get so trapped in how others are seeing you.. just enjoy life and what it has to offer. If anything, I believe you're paranoid on how people are.. and I can tell you that when I'm not working I STILL say "have a nice day.. enjoy the holidays", to someone I DON'T even know just for the hell of it! Like today, I was at the auto store getting crap fixed for my car.. well, I had this nice conversation with an old woman about thanksgiving and this and that.. I didn't know her but we had this great conversation and at the end I wished her to have a warm and happy feast with her family and I MEANT it.. I didn't try to be fake or to "kiss ass"... because I don't go about doing things that way.

    Try to take people for who they are.. not for what you THINk they are. In other words.. if you learn anything out of this reply today.. PLEASE, don't judge others until you get to truly know them.

    Goodluck :)
     
  13. scaryice

    scaryice New Member

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    Does that make them any worse as people? Kids everywhere do drugs. That doesn't make them hypocrites just because they go to Catholic school. It doesn't mean that they are going to be perfect. Of course, it's hard for you to know that when you don't have any social interaction with them.
     
  14. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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  15. steve3p0

    steve3p0 New Member

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    [SIZE=+1]Your Type is
    [SIZE=+2] INTJ[/SIZE][/SIZE] IntrovertedIntuitiveThinkingJudging [SIZE=+0]Strength of the preferences %[/SIZE] 562510022
    INTJ type description by D.Keirsey
    INTJ type description by J. Butt and M.M. Heiss


    [SIZE=+1]Qualitative analysis of your type formula[/SIZE]
    You are:
    • moderately expressed introvert
    • moderately expressed intuitive personality
    • very expressed thinking personality
    • slightly expressed judging personality
    "It is in their abilities that Masterminds differ from the other Rationals, while in most of their attitudes they are just like the others. However there is one attitude that sets them apart from other Rationals: they tend to be much more self-confident than the rest, having, for obscure reasons, developed a very strong will. They are rather rare, comprising no more than, say, one percent of the population. Being very judicious, decisions come naturally to them; indeed, they can hardly rest until they have things settled, decided, and set. They are the people who are able to formulate coherent and comprehensive contingency plans, hence contingency organizers or 'entailers.'"

    Sounds about right.
     
  16. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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    steve3p0, I thought you would score 100 on the I, (I did.) Know who you are, flex for others because they won't get it. Read this book, you can get it used for 87 cents at amazon...

    http://keirsey.com/Please.html
     
  17. edwin23

    edwin23 New Member

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    not to steal your thread

    but the http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp test is pretty accurate.. i did it and the descriptoin is me!

    anyways.. back tot he thread.. i think you look down upon everyone before getting to know them. some people are full of bullshit.. others are genuinely cool.. you gotta tlak to them to seperate the 2 groups
     
  18. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Sounds like you should get a job investigating corrupt officials or something.

    Personally I feel the same way. I don't care much for most people I meet. Why? Who knows, but I think it's mostly because people hold back so much about themselves. I mean, look at this thread compared to real life. When was the last time you could find ten people to sit down and talk about it in a way like this - reasonably calm, good insight, pretty insightful, good advice, etc.

    Most people I met just don't have much to talk about, aren't smart, are not socially skilled, etc. It's hard to find people who are cool to hang out with. So be it. But there are some cool people out there, you just need to recognize them when you see them.
     
  19. CBBaller

    CBBaller keira is below.

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    Did it ever occur to you that maybe that is who they are? That there actually are people in this world who care about others? Just because you don't think there is any reason to care about someone else other than money, that doesn't mean other people can't.
     
  20. Bear Klaw

    Bear Klaw Guest

    good read
     
  21. moonie

    moonie u want a FRANKYUM?

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    u know what, i see the validity of your point and i do get what you were trying to say here. but i think sometimes we have to hold back our thoughts and realize that there's a thin line between being real and being an ass. either way, one has to take it in as it is in order for the society to progress. the question now lies is--which one are you more willing to accept? the less-embellished reality or the more delusional reality? or, could we, in our own senses, find a way to balance them out so the sophisticated manner on the outside wouldn't struck us as much as being fake?
     
  22. frpSpore

    frpSpore New Member

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    I took the test and scored very similar results. I just don't like people. I don't like social interaction. I have few friends, and those that I have I count dearly. The rest of the population could all die from plague as far as I am concerned. All the other people are irrelevant to me.
     
  23. frpSpore

    frpSpore New Member

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    Nice post. Very insightful. No persomn is an island, but I am hoping for a large peninsula at least. I know i need people. I just want to limit the amount of people I allow to access me to the bare minimum.

    Edit: I just can't help it. Other people usually just rub me the wrong way. As such, I avoid them when possible.
     
  24. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Yup. A lot of people lack this :(
     
  25. KatWoman

    KatWoman •••••••••••

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    While I don't trust people as easily as I used to, I still like to give others the benefit of the doubt but just be more aware of things.

    As for crap going on in the churches, it happens. Many religious people (and yes I am Christian) tend to elevate themselves to be exempt from the laws of the land and sometimes even the laws of God. As a consequence, what they do in the dark is eventually found out and shouted from the mountaintops, then chaos ensues. I believe this can happen in any organized group, religious or not...you have those that feel they're exempt from the rules and then whoa lookie here...our leader's been [fill in the blank with crime or sin here].

    If you're content to not have anyone in your life as a friend, that is your choosing. But don't hold grudges against others for being social, moral or for simply asking how your day is going. Some people are born with personalities that enable them to be giving, caring and merciful :dunno: If we had more people like that in our lives, we'd probably be better people.
     

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