SRS Why do I distance myself from everyone?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by familyguy101, Dec 5, 2006.

  1. familyguy101

    familyguy101 New Member

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    Everyone I've meet in the last 2-3 years I have not made any plans to see them again for any reason. I can easily talk to someone and have a good, funny, conversation. But as soon as I sense that the person is growing any attachment to me, I automatically without even thinking, just quiet down the conversation and walk away as soon as possible, and from that point on all I will say to the person is "hi, bye". I always noticed that the person always tends to stare at me like they are pissed at me for something, like "why don't you want to be friends?" "why don't you open up?" Eventually they just give me the cold shoulder everytime they see me.

    I've thought about this and realized that I hate the fact that the things that I do or say impacts the lives of others. It is like there are consequences for every damn little thing I do, and I don't want to get involved with other peoples lives because I have hurt people badly in the past and I don't want to do it to anyone else ever again. My childhood friends have mostly grown up and stopped talking to me and they have become drug users. I feel like I am responsible, but how can I be? I was mean to them at times, but I doubt I drove them to this.

    I also have a very weak relationship with both my parents, especially my mother. (I'm a guy if that matters). I've never had a girlfriend because of my current behavior. So could all this stuff be tied together somehow to explain my current behavior? What will happen to me as life goes on?
     
  2. Xtreme2k2

    Xtreme2k2 GTI Crew ಠ_ಠ OT Supporter

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    Wow, I couldnt tell if that was you posting or me :ugh:

    I am the same way, wtf

    :hs:

    :hug:
     
  3. -argonaut-

    -argonaut- New Member

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    You avoid attachment out of a fear of being hurt or taken advantage of, both of which you've, no doubt, experienced in the past.
     
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2006
  4. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Look out for massive amounts of jealousy if u ever do let someone in
     
  5. LiQuiD_FuSioN

    LiQuiD_FuSioN New Member

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    Wow, I am the same way too! All of us, familyguy, Xtreme2k etc.

    What was that one movie? It had Gary Sinise in it and he said "I'd rather not get into the modern entanglements of society" or something along that effect. I'm the same way, I'd rather tend to myself and generally, I feel more comfortable doing so. Actually, I wouldn't know what to do if I had a new friend or girlfriend anymore. I'd assume I wasn't interesting enough to keep having relations. After all, I don't got much material in me. So, that in turn makes me wanna quit and get out. I'm also afraid to have any kind of social relationship. I think it's more about fear of committment, if anything. (Does that term fit?)

    Real life situation - I talked with a girl in my Psychology class one day. Before, things were quiet when she sat next to me. A girl sitting next to me? I'm not accumstomed to such things! But anyway, we talked for the next couple days and after that, it was complete silence till' the rest of the semester. That's part of the reason why I skipped that class because I knew it'd be embarassing to come back knowing I ignored her (sad, huh?). Good news - I saw her on the last day for that class.. I simply said "Wassup?" and walked away. Hopefully that ended any notions that I was a complete jackass, lol.
     
  6. Lokish

    Lokish New Member

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    Familyguy, I am sure it is rather less of them being pissed at you and more of them not understanding what the deal is. Human interaction is all about personal interpretation, just because you think they are getting attached, doesn't always mean they are. Of course without any given examples it is hard to really understand what might be happening that puts you in "run away" mode. Are you an antisocial type of being? Or are you scared they might find you boring after they get to know you better? What to your mind, is it that makes you want to get away from them?

    I totally understand not wanting to let people get close to you. Hell, there are very few people on the face of this planet that I ever let get very close to me. Outside of those few people, everyone else is all laughs, jokes and play. I am considered a people person and very socialable, yet at the same time, everyone is held at arms distance. Maybe you figure a little information given to an aquaintence is too much. I don't know.

    Give us some more details...or just dish out what you need to. Not too much fear of us getting too overly attached to an internet handle here.
     
  7. Crush

    Crush Epidural hematoma up in this bitch

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    Way to ice the cake there champ.
     
  8. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Shutting people out for fear of being hurt by them also shuts YOU away from the joy you can experience by them.
     
  9. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    A couple of things. Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm sure a lot of people may see you as a jerk and an asshole.

    Second, it seems somewhat selfish to me for you to initiiate things with people, enjoy the time with them, then cut them off.

    Third, I think the root cause of all this is that you simply don't have any practice in MAINTAINING a relationship.

    You're going to really have to go out of your comfort zone.

    Let me ask you this..

    Why would have it been so bad to go to your class and see that girl again? What would have happened if you and she had talked again?

    Finally, you may want to seek out some professional guidance...if this keeps up, I would be sure it's going to start interfering with your life. Hell, if you started skipping classes just to avoid talking to someone, it already has.

    Edit: Oops, the part about the psychology class was from a different poster...but the point is still valid.

    You guys really need to look ahead and see what type of life/future this is going to lead to.
     
  10. familyguy101

    familyguy101 New Member

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    another thing that I have experienced much in the past is gossip. My circle of friends always talked shit about each other when those people weren't there. This always pissed me off because I would always wonder what they say about me when I'm not there. Even today, I always notice that people make fun of others when they aren't there. Again, it bothers me because I just don't think that's cool at all, pretty shallow. It makes me wonder. Also, I choose not to get involved for the fact that eventually I will have to break relations with that person and I see no point in having fun, and then being sad that I will never see that person again. If we will establish some relationship, we might as well make it a long term one.

    Another thing about relationships. I am afraid that I do not live up to everyones standards of what is cool and what is not. I don't follow any trends, so this also makes communication hard. I don't know where all the cool spots are in town, and I don't know very many people. Since everyone is connected in this "social network", and I am not, I feel kinda embarrased. Lets say that I do hit if off with someone. We will become acquantances, but soon enough they will realize that they are like my only friend. Obviously they will think I'm a loser, or that there is a reason I don't have friends. There isn't much to do for fun around here, so most people just end up going to parties or just hanging out in groups. I have no group to hang out with though. So basically the other person will be responsible for finding something for both of us to do everytime, and that is a stupid and annoying responsibility. See my point? It is like a viscious cycle.
     
  11. -=Likwid=-

    -=Likwid=-

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    strangely enough, i'm picking up some tips here... this thread describes the past several years of my life in some senses.

    I come home after a kinda long absence, and i've got no one i'd really like to do stuff with. It gets lonely sometimes...
     
  12. Lokish

    Lokish New Member

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    Hmmm...honestly, you shouldn't be trying to live up to anyone else's standards. As no one can be expected to live up to anyone else's ideas of what is cool/not cool and so forth. Try to be the type of person you would want to associate with. If you don't like people who backstab each other, then don't partake in the jokes. If you don't want to hang out with people who get drunk and stupid, then don't chill in that circle or be the responsible one in the crowd.

    So many people today try to fit in with people and forget that you can't be happy until you start being your own person. Very sad. If you have friends, real friends, they should and will like you for being who you are. Everyone has off days or be in a bitchy/assinine mood. It is expected and dealt with appropriately. Don't know what to tell you outside of that. If you act like the type of people you want to associate with, then like minds will gravitate to you. Just takes some time.
     
  13. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Because you're awesome and it's lonely at the top.

    At least that's now I justify it when I do it...

    :sadwavey:
     
  14. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    One thing that helped me was realizing that not all my friends would be close to me: I was holding people to an impossibly high standard and then cutting them out of my life when they weren't achieving it, and that left me with very few friends. When I learned to enjoy and appreciate the good in people and ignore the inconsequential bad, my friendships started to mean more to me and I found I suddenly had quite a few more friends than I thought I did. It's all about perspective and perception.
     
  15. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Hey, maybe you don't like people because the people you know are a bunch of pricks. Gossips? Fuck that. I don't have many friends, and I'm fine with that. Why? Simple because most people are complete fucktards and not worth my time.

    I do have a *few* close and good friends, but that's it. People have to work to get to know me, and I'd rather lose them if they are idiots than try to lower myself to kiss their ass being nice to them or something.

    I'm no Mr. Wonderful, not by a long shot, but I wont let people walk all over me.

    Just come to grips that you actually have - gasp! - standards for the kind of people you want to hang out with. That's a GOOD thing! :wavey:
     
  16. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    God dayumn dude, at least u r consistent :rofl:
     
  17. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    I feel like some people know how to connect with almost anybody, and simultaneously form deep and meaningful friendships.
     

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