SRS Why do i bother going on?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Incognito, Jun 19, 2005.

  1. Incognito

    Incognito New Member

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    Hi All

    These past few weeks, i've been feeling terribly depressed again, and i don't know why i keep going on, sometimes i just want to /myself

    Bit of background:

    During primary school (elementary school for you Americans) and High school, i was the guy that everyone picked on. Pretty much every day that i went to school someone would tease me, or beat up on me, or put me down.

    I'm nearly 22 and have never had a girlfriend, as i'm a very shy person, and i don't think very highly of myself, which i think shows. I'm incredibly lonely, and sad.

    I have 1 best friend that i see occasionally, and 1 extremely close friend that i don't see (she lives too far away) and then a few other 'friends' or 'acquaintances', but i never see them

    The best friend that i do see occasinally is so far under the thumb of his girlfriend, that we never really do anything, just catch up for an hour or so and thats it, we never go anywhere, do anything etc (he also works at the same company that i do). Sometimes we do go somewhere together, but he always brings his girlfriend, which just makes me feel like a 3rd wheel, and even more lonely (i feel depressed when i go out somewhere and see happy couples walking around together, and wonder why that can't be me)

    Basically my life consists of waking up, getting ready for work, going to work, coming home, sleeping, and doing it all again the next day. I have weeknights free, and weekends free as well, but i just sit home and do nothing, as i have nobody to do anything with, and as i mentioned earlier, i am incredibly shy, so i can't just go out and strike up a conversation with a stranger etc.

    My parents seperated in around october of last year, so we had to sell the house, and move. I still live with my mum, and have only seen my dad for a total of probably 3 hours since he left :(

    Until a few months ago, i was a virgin, and i only lost my virginity because i got extremely drunk at a party, and was basically raped (i didn't want to get with her, as i was saving myself for someone i cared about, when they came along) and basically i was so drunk, that i was literally dragged along the floor into the bedroom, and i couldn't even move my arms to push her away or anything :wtc: i feel so violated and dirty, but also feel that it was my fault, for getting so drunk in the first place.

    I hate myself, and who i am, i wish i didn't, and that i was confident and 'normal' but i do. The only way that i ever feel good about myself is when i buy really expensive things (cars, clothes, electronics etc) and that only helps for a bit, but not really in the long term.

    Basically, i feel like my life isn't worth living anymore, and i don't know why i bother :(

    I don't know what to do

    sorry if the above doesn't make a whole lot of sense, my brain is going at about a million miles per hour, going round in circles, thinking thoughts and feelings that don't even make sense to me, so i don't know how to express them in words :wtc: Sorry for failing you OT
     
  2. Darrin

    Darrin Eat. Sleep. Arrest People.

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    the most important thing is to find out really what your depressed about and then try to change things. heres my take on what you wrote :)

    What happends in school really, after you leave, shouldnt matter any more. At school i was quite lucky as i was popular. I'd see people getting picked on and say something about it and then those would try to turn on me. But honestly i saw people who were picked on in school every day then out of school those people who picked on them talk to them just as normal and fine. Dont let this get you down, you really dont have to worry about school, the main thing is your out of it now and you have your whole life ahead of you! your only 22!

    I didnt have a girlfriend all through school either, when i went to college at 17 i began to socialise more. I got pretty down at the start of college and was like "omg im never gonna have a girlfriend and no-one likes me". If your looking for advice for finding a girl, dont listen to all these people that say "Hey goto parties, get drunk, go out, dance, you'll meet someone!". I love going out, getting drunk, and stuff, but really if im looking for someone i want to find them doing something i enjoy, so i know we have the same interests. My advice therefore would be if your looking for someone, is to by doing something you like, a hobby. The girl i have just met i met playing World of Warcraft (www.worldofwarcraft.com) a online computer game. Hard to beleive but we both love playing it, and when i went to see her and such, we'd fool around but still play the pc as we both enjoy it alot. Its very important you both share the same interests.

    I have a circle of around 7 friends in real life, but i very rarely see them, i spend alot of time online and often your "online friends" can be alot better than your real life friends. You meet people online doing the things you do, whether it be through messageboards, picture sites or just general hobby websites. As i said if your really concerned about making new friends its the same as finding a girl, you have to do it doing something you enjoy. I myself am quite content seeing my In Real Life friends once a week or so, and spending the rest of the time speaking to my online friends. I have visited a few of them, and it was great. Im quite an independent person so i know this wont satisfy all :( Your friend thats far away, i assume you chat through the internet/phone? maybe start saving up to pay her a visit! im sure she'd love it and it;d be a chance for you to get away also.

    Tell your friend how you feel! he'll understand. His girlfriend needs to realise he needs his "guy time" too, and maybe you guys can go out to the bar, play some computer games or something, just tell him how you feel when you go out. If you meet someone, maybe youl two couples could go out together, but that;d be down the line somewhere :)

     
  3. AmCo

    AmCo Haters goin' Hate

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    Join some clubs or something man. Becoming more social takes time. Take a Lesuire wine or dance or whatever you like class. Meet some new people and make some friends. What do you have to lose really? nothing. After that im pretty sure you will start to meet new ppl perhaps even your future gf.
     
  4. JumboJym69

    JumboJym69 New Member

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    You say you have a lot of free time on your hands, so you should find something to fill it up with. What are you interested in man? I'm sure you can use those things to meet new people. I feel that I'm pretty shy myself so trust me I know, it feels amazing to meet someone totally new. Strangers don't know anything about you, they don't know that you got picked on in school, they only know what you let them know about yourself. So to answer your question, you go on because the possiblities of life are beautiful. We are young man the places we will see and the people we will meet will be so great that we can't even imagine how fulfilling our lives will be. If anyone thinks what I say is corney or whatever, really think about it, it's the truth.
     
  5. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    You are here on earth to Love and Help other people, do that and you will find the happyness you seek.
     

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